The Mindy Project

Simone, I love my fedora. Thank you so much.

I wrote your name in rhinestones until I ran out.

Well, I will cherish it.

Now, little Tambert is doing great.

However, I have some concerns regarding your health,

which may risk affecting the pregnancy.

Chief among them

being your...

Just you're a little bit...

Just one second.

Mindy.

Ooh, cool hat. I need your help.

I need you to tell my favorite patient she's fat.

What? No.

Please, I can't tell her.

She loves me. It would break her.

All right.

Dr. Lahiri, how dare you.

I think she looks gorgeous the way she is.

But, what, she needs to lose weight now?

Okay, relax.

Okay, yes, you could lose some weight.

- I'm sorry. - Lose weight while I'm pregnant?

I've never heard of anything so crazy.

I know, but certain complications can arise when...

You lose weight. Excuse me?

You heard me.

You're no Keira Knightley.

First of all, I am not overweight.

I fluctuate between chubby and curvy.

Second of all, I am not the pregnant one here.

You're not? I coulda sworn.

I coulda sworn that you were a bouncer at an Orlando strip club,

but I kept that to myself.

Okay, okay, I think we're losing track

of the issue here, okay?

Which is that you are a gorgeous,

rubenesque plum,

and if it was up to me, you'd gain weight.

- No, no, no, no. - And you would love it, wouldn't you, Jimmy?

If you do not lose weight, Simone,

your baby will be put at risk.

I... I hate this.

I think you are perfect, but, I don't know,

maybe there's some validity to what this woman is saying.

I know this is gonna be tough,

but we should listen to Dr. Reed.

Actually, it was me who...

You're right, Dr. Reed.

You and me, we both gotta face the facts

and lose some weight.

No, I'm not in this...

It's for our health.

Yeah, okay.

It's a brave step, Mindy.

Get off of me. Okay.

hey, little bro.

Hey, happy birth-dizzle.

- Yeah. - Happy Birthday.

You're amazing.

Rish, that was an incredible birthday song.

Play it for mom and dad.

So how are you celebrating?

I am actually spending my birthday

going on a blind date.

What happened to the midwife dude

that you were getting weird with?

Oh, Brendan? He's dead, yeah.

He got hit by a bus.

Sick!

I am going on a date with a sophisticated gentleman

that I met on the Internet.

He looks exactly like Topher Grace.

Huh?

Topher Grace from that '70s show.

How am I supposed to remember a show from the '70s, dude?

I was born in 1991.

Ugh, okay. Rishi, I gotta go.

I'm here, okay? Bye, love you.

Be safe! Make good choices!

Surprise!

No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.

You can't be here, you can't be here,

'cause I'm going on a first date,

a blind date with a really promising cute guy who looks...

A little bit like Topher Grace?

Oh!

You're Zach peabody?

Born in Evansville, Illinois, 1977.

6'1", 185 pounds.

Fiscally conservative, social liberal.

Morgan, you set up a fake profile account on Facebook

and then asked me out on it?

It was all a ruse.

Sorry, we didn't know about the whole fake date thing.

But it got you here.

Guys, I just, I really didn't want a birthday party this year.

Happy Birthday, miss Mindy.

Olga, my housekeeper.

I was in charge of the guest list,

and so I had Morgan blast your contacts.

Oh, my God.

Is that my plumber?

And my old plumber?

That's gonna be awkward.

I don't even know who that guy is.

That is the gentleman you rear-ended

in the Hamptons last summer,

Mike accident.

Dr. Lahiri, I am loving Chinese food.

Yeah, I'm having a great time too, Betsy.

I didn't meet a cute guy or anything,

but my handyman did give me an earful about Obama.

Hey, you're Mindy's friend, right?

I'm Danny.

Oh, hey, I'm Alex.

Alex.

That's usually a guy's name, right?

Not... no? No, it's not.

I'm... look, I mean, it fits you.

- I'm not saying you're manish or anything... - Excuse me?

I think the word Danny is searching for

is statuesque.

Where has Mindy been hiding you?

I'm out of the country a lot.

- Wow, traveling's really cool. - It's America's loss.

I'm Dr. Jeremy Reed,

and you are gorgeous.

I'm a doctor too, so...

Well, it's nice meeting you both.

- Doctors. - Great.

As a courtesy, Danny, I should let you know

that I'm interested in Alex,

so maybe back off.

So because you're interested,

it means I can't be interested?

No, you can be interested.

Just don't want you to waste your time.

Okay, we'll see.

We will see.

- Did that hurt? - No.

- Ugh. - Did that hurt?

No.

I think it's time for the presents!

Gwen, get it started.

Oh, a book.

Microwave cooking for one.

Ohh.

That's perfect for you.

You have no idea how to cook, and you're single.

That's a great gift, Gwen.

What? What's that look?

Oh, man, I wish I had a microwave.

Now we have parker the intern.

Ooh-ooh.

Smoke alarm.

A life-size body pillow of a shirtless Chris Evans.

I silk-screened it myself 'cause you're always saying,

"oh, I don't ever have any boyfriends,

so nobody can ever cuddle me at night."

So I made this guy for you.

I'm not always saying that.

Yeah, you say it, like,

once or twice a day for sure.

Wow, very thoughtful.

I think that was the last gift.

So thank you, guys, this was really cool.

No, no, wait! Hold on, Mindy.

There's one more surprise tonight.

Because we all care about you so much,

we decided to chip in and get you one last present.

- Ooh. - So...

Come on, an elliptical machine?

You keep saying that you never have time to go to the gym,

so now the gym can come to you.

No more excuses, missy!

I think I'm going to call it a night.

Mindy, no, you can't leave. Everybody came here for you.

Yeah, but I didn't want them to.

Oh, boy.

You have something to say, Danny?

It's just that I always tell you

that birthday celebrations are the worst.

Well, I guess you were right. Congratulations.

I don't want to be right. I hate that I'm right.

You do? You hate it?

There's not, like,

some tiny little part of you

that feels, like, really vindicated about all this?

A tiny bit vindicated.

Mindy, Mindy.

What are you doing? Stop!

You're getting me with the zipper!

Mindy, everyone here is having fun.

Well, then I apologize,

because my idea of fun

is not receiving a ton of gifts

that remind you how lame you are.

This hurts, guys.

It's a sad day for me