Vice

How you doin' tonight, officer?

I'm gonna need you to get outta the car.

Come on. Let's get out.

- Move! - Go! Go!

Move! It's clear.

Move, move, move. Clear!

Let's go, let's go! Move! Move! Move! Move!

A plane just struck the Pentagon.

Let's make sure those phone lines are working.

Phones are go, sir.

The SVTC. Let's contact the FAA,

find out how many planes are in the air.

Yes, sir.

Let's get these televisions working.

May I get the president on the line, please?

We got planes in the air and nowhere for them to land.

I still have one plane unaccounted for

flying over Pennsylvania.

I need permission for them to land

at a Canadian airport.

Very large plane. It was going fast.

Flying over Pennsylvania on course.

And three other planes are unaccounted for.

I'm seeing five planes unaccounted for.

No! Scratch that. I'm seeing four!

I have NORAD on the line.

That is correct. He is. That is correct.

Mr. Vice President, POTUS on line one, sir.

Mr. President.

The situation is, uh, extremely fluid.

I strongly recommend you stay in the air.

I have, uh, sequestered congressional leadership.

Okay, then.

Sir, Donald Rumsfeld is

at the Pentagon on line three.

- That? - Mm-hmm. Yes, sir.

Dick, are there still passenger planes in the air?

I need rules of engagement.

Let's get the President back on line, sir.

You have authorization to shoot down

any aircraft deemed a threat.

Presidential authority?

That is correct. All orders are UNODIR.

"UNODIR," sir?

Unless otherwise directed.

By all accounts of what people saw

in that room on that terrible day,

there was confusion...

fear...

uncertainty.

But Dick Cheney saw something else

that no one else did.

He saw an opportunity.

As the world becomes more and more confusing,

we tend to focus on the things

that are right there in front of us...

while ignoring the massive forces

that actually change and shape our lives.

And with people working longer and longer hours,

for less and less,

when we do have free time,

the last thing we want is

complicated analysis of our government,

lobbying,

international trade agreements,

and tax bills.

So it's no surprise

that when a monotone,

bureaucratic vice president came to power,

we hardly noticed...

as he achieved a position of authority

that very few leaders

in the history of America ever have...

- Vice President, for your... - These tax cuts are...

get this started? That's for your fucking...

I'm fucking dying!

Forever changing the course of history

for millions and millions of lives.

And he did it like a ghost,

with most people having no idea who he is

or where he came from.

How does a man go on to become who he is?

Well, it starts in 1963...

when Dick's best girl, Lynne,

was getting straight A's at Colorado College.

Lynne had helped Dick get a scholarship at Yale...

where he did way more drinking than class attending.

Pretty soon, Dick got the boot.

Back then, they would've called

a guy like him a ne'er-do-well.

In today's parlance,

they would just call him a dirt bag.

Man down!

Ooh!

His leg looks like an Elvis dance move.

Somebody give that poor son of a bitch a shot of whiskey.

All right, back to work.

I said, back to work.

Take him into town, put five dollars in his pocket.

Find another man for tomorrow.

Somebody help.

You got a problem, Cheney?

No, sir.

Huh?

Are we becoming friends?

Will you stop touching me?

What?

What are you gonna do about it, Mr. Yale?

Huh? Whoo!

The fuck you gonna do about it, Mr. Yale? Come on!

There you go.

Two times.

Two times!

I have to drag you out of that jail

like a filthy hobo.

I'm sorry, Lynne.

What?

What did you just say? I'm sorry, Lynnie.

You're sorry? Don't call me "Lynnie."

You're sorry.

One time is "I'm sorry."

Two times makes me think that I've picked the wrong man.

You already got your ass thrown out of Yale

for drinking and fighting.

And now you're just going to be a lush

that hangs power lines for the state?

Are you gonna live in a trailer?

We're gonna have ten kids? Is that the plan?

Can we discuss this later, please?

No, we're gonna discuss this right now

while you smell like vomit

and cheap booze.

Does Dick want some coffee? What?

Mom, get out!

Get out. "Does Dick want some coffee?"

Jesus Christ!

Okay. Here's my plan.

All right?

Either you stand up straight...

and you get your back straight...

and you have the courage to become someone,

or I'm gone.

I know a dozen guys

and a few professors at school who would date me.

I love you, Lynne.

Then prove it!

Prove it!

I can't...

go to a big Ivy League school,

and I can't run a company or be mayor.

That's just the way the world is for a girl.

I need you.

And right now you are a big, fat, piss-soaked zero.

I've... I've seen my mom Waitin' up all night

for my father to get home.

And I've seen my father drunk in this house

and raising his voice and way worse,

and I am not dancing that dance anymore. I'm not.

Do you know why I fuck her?

I'm not.

So can you change?

Can you change, or am I wasting my goddamn time?

I won't ever disappoint you again, Lynne.

You were chosen because of your hard work,

your diligence, and dedication.

Stated simply, you are America's best and brightest.

So let's go forward and learn and be of service.

God bless you all

and God bless this great nation.

And now, I'd like to introduce some... a young man from Illinois

who has done quite well for himself

here in the Capitol.

Representative Donald Rumsfeld.

Did Bob tell you that this internship is a great honor?

Huh?

Did he?

Huh? Yeah?

Well, it's not.

It's what we called in the Navy a "shit detail."

Donald Rumsfeld,

or "Rummy," as they called him,

was the former captain of the Princeton wrestling team

and an elite navy-jet pilot.

Most congressmen use their power like an axe.

Best and brightest.

Rumsfeld, on the other hand, used his...

Where?

Like a master of the butterfly knife.

And, like any master, if you got in his way,

he would cut you.

This can be a great opportunity.

An opportunity to work

in the hallways of decision-making

in the most powerful country in the goddamn world.

And if that doesn't give you a hard-on,

I don't know what will.

Sorry to the few ladies in the room.

This program didn't used to have girls, and now it does.

Anyway, I'm Don.

Whatever you do...