Murder on the Orient Express

He said four minutes precisely.

Non, non, non.

Quickly.

Two perfect eggs this time, no?

Ah.

Hmm.

Maybe.

I blame the chicken.

Why do hens lay eggs of different sizes?

It's not you, mon ami.

These are two perfectly good oeufs.

Mr. Poirot...

I've got three religions bent on riot.

If you're going to perform one of your miracles,

the time is now.

Have the eggs. Allons-y!

Poirot!

Sorry for the, um...

It is not the, uh...

It is the imbalance of the...

Right.

That's better.

Excuse me. Coming through.

Make way, please. Excuse me.

Please call for the accused.

The rabbi...

the priest...

and the imam.

It is like the old joke, yes?

The rabbi, the priest, and the imam.

Forgive me, I am Belgian.

So, let us begin.

In the Church of the Holy Sepulchre above us...

three representatives meet under the supervision...

of the Chief inspector of Police

to discuss a divided timetable for market use.

One hour after this tense meeting...

a priceless relic is found to be stolen.

It is said, one of these three men has stolen it.

The police find no pieces of evidence at all.

I find one.

On the meticulously well-kept wall of a fresco...

a single crack from an indelicate climb...

with a hard-soled shoe or perhaps a boot.

So, ladies and gentlemen, we must ask...

who stands to benefit from the crime.

Our three holy men live humbly.

They're thin-soled shoes poor.

Sudden riches and rubies would be...

too conspicuous, yes, to enjoy. They do not gain.

At this point, we need an armed guard at the south gate.

Thank you very much.

No, the only one...

who benefits from the theft and the unrest it causes...

is a man whose office I had searched this morning...

as I waited, I have to tell you,

rather disappointedly upon my breakfast.

Difficulty with eggs. You don't need to know this.

A man who is paid lavishly to keep order in Jerusalem.

I mean, of course,

the Chief Inspector of the Police.

A man who does not wish to lose a well-paid post...

when there is discussion

among the local peoples of self-governance...

who does wear boots, and who, I believe, now does regret...

inviting me to consult on this case.

How dare you accuse me!

Please, Sergeant...

did you search the office as I asked?

Uh, yes, sir.

And did you find what I said you might?

Uh, yes, sir. Just as you said.

Merci.

Halt!

You need to deliver that, Captain.

It should be through first thing in the morning.

Very good, sir.

Luggage is on board, sir.

I won the right to escort you to your boat.

To Stamboul, then?

Will you be back to London straight off?

I am tired, and I have earned myself a little holiday.

I want to look at paintings

and have too much time on my hands.

You are staring. Does it stop?

It's just...

How did you know it was him, sir?

From just a tiny crack on the wall.

I have the advantage...

I can only see the world as it should be.

And when it is not, the imperfection stands out...

like the nose in the middle of a face.

It makes most of life unbearable.

But it is useful in the detection of crime.

But it's as though you see into their hearts

and divine their true natures.

And whatever people say,

there is right, there is wrong.

There is nothing in between.

We must part here.

Oh, no, sir, I'm to escort you on the ferry.

Au revoir, mon capitaine.

We must never meet again.

Could you straighten your tie, please? Just a little.

Yes. That is perfect.

Final passengers, please!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Will be fixed soon.

But, will it be fixed in time?

We are working!

I have a connection in Stamboul.

Leaves tomorrow at seven.

There's a very ill patient waiting for me in London.

I am a doctor.

Doctor.

I am a doctor.

I am shouting at you in English,

and now I'm doing it louder and slower.

Very silly, forgive me.

May I help? Let me help.

I know your mustache.

From the papers.

You're the detective, Hercules Poirot?

Hercule Poirot. I do not slay the lions. Mademoiselle.

Mary Debenham, monsieur.

I'll forget a name but never a face.

Not yours, anyway.

You come from Baghdad?

It's true. No detail escapes his notice.

Your ticket. Ah.

I might also ask you if you enjoyed your time there...

as a governess?

The chalk on your sleeve and the geography primer.

A governess or a cartographer. I made my gamble.

I always begin them with geography...

and monster them till they have the world down cold.

They may get lost in life...

but I'll be damned if they don't know where they are.

Well, our chains are free. Right on time.

I feel so free out here on the water.

I wish I could enjoy it.

We should be out of this, Mary.

Not now.

When it's all over.

When it's done.

Then, nothing can touch us.

Ah, my holiday begins here.

I can see the soul of the city in these humble breads.

The world insists on destruction, yet here...

masterpieces are baked to order every day.

Monsieur Poirot!

Mohammed!

Mohammed, my friend...

you are an artist.

Ah! My friend!

Sorry.

Here. Come, come.

Don't mind us, we're just looking

for a place to have a private argument.

It should take some 20 minutes or so...

at which point we will both

come to an agreement, or at least I will.

Monsieur Bouc!

Poirot! In the kitchen?

Well, of course, this man will sniff out

a perfect pastry faster than he catches...

a jewel thief.

Mon ami!

Now, I am no longer a policeman.

I cannot bail you out when this goes badly, eh?

This is my dear, old friend, the esteemed...

Poirot, who I knew before the esteem.

Hercule Poirot, this is...

A prostitute. She is.

I am. Bouc, you did not tell me you had famous friends.

We're friends because

I'm the only person who never asks him...

any questions about his cases, because I don't care.

And he never judges me for being a terrible person.

Indeed you are.

Madame, Bouc, please join me for a drink, yes?

You only have me for an hour.

I ride on the Orient Express at seven,

official director business.

Uncle pays me absurdly

to stay onboard his gorgeous train...

and far away from him...

at the home office...

consigned to wine and dine

handsome officials for all eternity.

There is an art to nepotism.

And you are its Michelangelo!

Mr. Poirot.

Are you a prostitute as well?

Certainly not.

Is this man bothering you?

He is about to.

You are from the British consulate.

I am, sir. It is the Kassner case.

Why, yes.