Christmas Eve

- Well, that was your first mistake.

You see, department stores are designed

on the premise that people naturally travel

in a clockwise direction.

Go counterclockwise and you'll spend less money.

Huh, maybe.

Hmm.

Whoo-hoo, I got a trophy.

I'm James.

Oh, right, James, come in,

sit down over there.

James Harris?

Yes.

not tickets to hear somebody cry in Italian for three hours.

Get Steven on the phone.

Steven's in, um, London, sir.

- Did I bloody ask you what time it was in London?

- Now, what if, instead of paying for things

with money, you could tell the cashier a story

that you've never told anyone before

and the crazier it was, the more stuff you could buy?

- Would the story have to be true?

100% or else you get tased.

- No wait, if the tumor's there,

we take it, right?

That's why we operate.

- You saw her heart, the damage was already done.

If I'd have seen it on the mri,

I would have never opened her up.

And you're okay with that?

Whoa, ho, hold up!

That there,

what's the problem with you people?

Don't you know what a penthouse is?

I do not want a pillar obstructing my view!

- I'm afraid that's just not possible, sir.

I mean, we could do it but we'd have to change

the five floors underneath.

- Well, it just so happens that I own those five floors

and all the bloody floors beneath them.

- I have Steven on the phone for you, sir.

- Do to unforeseen financial constraints

placed upon pavlick energy

a reorganization's become necessary,

which results in the termination of James Harris.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

I'm getting fired?

No, laid off.

But it's Christmas Eve.

Hey, turk, what's up, buddy?

What?

Six to eight weeks?

Oh my god! What am I gonna do for a running back?

We're gonna be late!

- We're always late remember?

- All aboard who's coming aboard.

Hurry guys, hurry up!

- Just chill, guys, it's Christmas.

- Okay, look at this, good thing we're all friends here.

- There's no way he'd fit in, just go.

Oh, come on, Jacob.

He'd better hurry.

- Sorry boys, got a transport.

Oh well, well, it's Dr. Roberts.

Nurse ratchet.

- Wait a minute, isn't that the same...

- don't worry, she'll be out cold for another two hours,

then some poor nurse will have to break her the news

because you'll be long gone.

- Yeah, she's supposed to be out in 30 minutes.

I should be there in 26, assuming the subway's on time

and the crosswalk signals are still set for commuter flow.

- I don't want to hear that right now.

Listen, it's Christmas Eve, we'll do it

after the new year, okay?

We'll have lunch, then we'll let the new guys

introduce themselves and I'll cover the comp.

Hey, quick question, I'm down a running back,

who do you take, moreno...

Hello?

Can you hear me?

- Um, sir, I just thought I'd remind you,

it's your son's birthday.

And it's Christmas, should I send him a gift

in your name, maybe?

Reading my mind already?

What was that?

Shit!

What the hell?

- That's not good. - - That's not good

at all.

Am I blind?

- Anyone got any ideas?

- I always knew I would die in an elevator.

I want you to scatter my ashes over our apartment.

- On the roof or like on the floors and stuff?

Maybe just in the fish tank,

like a little each day.

Just like, you know, a doo-doo-doo.

Did you know your fingernails grow for like a year

after you're dead?

Actually, that's a myth.

As the body decomposes, the skin recedes,

making it appear as if the nails are growing,

but they're not.

- Was that the brainiac or the clean freak?

I think it was the brainiac.

- The proper term for clean freak

is obsessive compulsive.

Used primarily as an adjective,

but sometimes as a noun.

- So I wash my hands a lot.

You should thank me.

This is getting freaky.

Stu, hey, dude,

it's me.

Yeah, what's going on out there, man?

You're kidding me. The whole city?

What are you telling me?

Zombies, I knew it would always end up like this.

You getting your face ripped off by bikers

and me stuck in an elevator with, hold please,

what's your name?

Dimples?

You said dimples to me?

Interesting.

Dimples and I'm stuck with her.

And it would appear that we may just be the last man

and woman on earth soon.

Great power does come with great responsibility.

You know what, stu?

This doesn't make any sense, man.

You know why, because i don't get cell reception

in elevators, which means this conversation

isn't happening.

Which means, texting probably doesn't work either.

Hmm.

Hi.

- Do you know how long it's been?

Since I fell in love?

- Since the elevator stopped moving?

10 minutes maybe?

You live in 38?

41?

Hey, do you live in 42?

Hey, you live in 43?

Yes, I live in 43.

I thought that snake charmer lived in 43.

- No, he's in 53, next to the clogger.

The clogger, that's right.

So how long you lived here?

Four years. You?

I don't live here.

I pop in, I make a difference, I pop out.

But I'm not afraid of commitment either.

I heard that if you make it to five years,

this building does something super dope for you.

They turn your hot water on for an entire day.

So, I should probably swing by and use your shower.

You know?

Are you all right in there?

Cover your eyes!

Okay.

Whoa!

Everyone get back.

Don't touch anything. Do you understand?

- I will be all right if i can find my Guadalupe.

Hello!

Anybody! I'm stuck in the elevator!

You gotta help me!

I'm pregnant, I'm a pregnant woman.

I'm about to have my baby in the elevator,

if you don't come right now, I'm gonna,

my water just broke!

You gotta help me, please!

Yeah, you want to help me out here?

- Ex-employees shall not infringe

upon the workspace of company,

nor use its resources, tools, or services

at any time.

- I get it, you're pissed 'cause I laid you off.

- Ex-employees shall be barred from association

with current employees on company property.

Help!

- Whether or not such interaction...

- you're a lunatic! - - Is at the invitation

of a current employee.

- Listen, bro, it's Christmas Eve.

I don't want to be in here anymore than you do.

Why don't you help me get us both out of here?

Get out and go where?

I don't have a job, remember?

- You think I enjoy laying people off?

Nope, firing people.

You fired me.

- You want to think I'm evil? Go ahead!

- I'd like to think of you as human.

I really would, but when you can't spare fantasy football

for five minutes to square up with a guy

whose life you just turned upside down,