Baby Daddy

I can't believe we have been waiting almost three hours.

At this rate, they should just pass out easter eggs and call it a twofer.

I'm sorry, but who knew so many people would want

to see Santa two days before Christmas?

Everyone.

Yeah, well, I just wish I didn't wait until now to get Emma's present.

Who knew they'd already be sold out?

Again, I'm gonna go with

everyone.

Now what am I gonna do?

I have to get Emma that giggorilla.

She loves that laughing ape.

She told me so with her smile.

Well, you do know there's a good chance

that smile was just gas, right?

You're next.

If anyone feels the need to spit up, tear up or hiccup,

I'd appreciate a heads-up.

Well, I'd appreciate a hurry up.

Because I got a turkey I need to pick up.

Well, here's how it's gonna go down.

He "ho-hos," you tell him what you want,

we snap a picture

and then, if you'd like to make another memory,

meet me in 20 minutes in the gingerbread house.

I might have to fold you in half,

but I think I can get it done.

Best offer I've had all week.

Ho ho ho! Who is this little snowflake?

- Hello there. - This is Emma.

And she's been a very good girl this year.

And would love to find a giggorilla under her tree.

Any chance you can hook a dad up?

Well, toys come and go...

But the spirit of Christmas, now that's the only present worth giving.

You could have just said no.

Elf: All right.

Picture time.

It's your brother.

What?

Danny, how could you lose a ham?!

Hey! Where'd you get that giggorilla?!

All right. I think that's everything.

Spark it up!

Fire in the hole!

It's glorious!

Whoo! Whoo!

Huh? Oh, huh?

Ahh...

Oh, it isn't Christmas unless I burn my retinas.

- (Exhales) - Yeah, it looks amazing.

I will be sleeping with my fire extinguisher.

Oh, you ain't seen nothin' yet.

If there's one thing I know how to do,

it's Christmas and wrapping...

Gift and the other kind.

Are you sure this was worth me giving up Christmas with my family in Aspen?

Look...

I could knee-deep in snow bunnies and hot tuckeys right now.

Tucker, we are two of the luckiest people in the world.

I mean, Mrs. Wheeler is the queen of Christmas.

Growing up, I used to look out my window on Christmas morning,

and say, "man, I wish I was a Wheeler."

I mean, the rest of the year, God no.

But Christmas she does right.

All right, people.

I would like to thank you for signing up

to be Bonnie's little helpers.

Now I realize I have a couple of novices here.

And I want you to know...

It will not be easy.

But it will be hard.

The road to a perfect Christmas

is paved with nutmeg, frosting...

And possibly tears.

Can you handle the merriment?

- Um... - Yeah, I think so...

I can't hear you!

Both: Yes, Mrs. Wheeler!

Excellent! All right.

Now what should we do first?

Should we hang some garland?

- Yeah. - Yes, I love hanging garland!

No no! Rookie mistake!

You gotta hang the lights

before you hang the garland.

- (Quietly) Right. - And before you hang,

you gotta untangle.

Here you go!

I got 15 more where they came from.

- (Door opens) - Yeah.

Here's everything from the storage locker.

Except the blow-up nativity scene.

Sorry, I might have punctured a wise man.

Well, dod you at least bring up the robe?

Tucker, what size are you?

Oh, my God!

I just got a lead on a giggorilla.

A new shipment came in at the mall. Come on.

Danny, I need some crowd control.

Oh, no no no! Wait wait wait wait, no!

You guys have gotta get the Christmas tree.

Christmas Eve is tomorrow.

Sorry, mom. Ben needs me.

Plus, I haven't started my Christmas shopping yet.

I'm not gonna wait till the last minute this year.

Well, now what am I gonna do?

Ben and Danny always get the tree.

Now who's gonna get the tree?

Ha ha, there it is!

There's only one left!

No! (Groans)

Now what are we gonna do?

Psst. Over here.

I think I can help you boys out.

Oh, great. Here's my list.

I was thinking of getting my mom a scarf.

But that's what I got her last year.

Does your beanstalk know you left it unattended?

I think I can help you out with a giggorilla.

Really? But how would you ever get your hands on one?

Well, let's just say it fell off the back of a truck.

I don't think we want a broken one.

Wow, God really does divide.

Just meet me out back in 20 minutes.

Oh, my God, this is so great.

Yeah! We actually met an elf!

Riley Perrin...

Riley Perrin...

I'm the ghost of turkeys past.

Ignore the fact that I am naked.

And stop staring at my giblets.

Riley, you were right.

This is the most fun Christmas I've ever had.

What the hell is that?!

It's our tree.

Don't you love it?

Oh. Well, I would love it if I had asked you to go out

and buy a giant toilet brush.

Come on, people!

You signed on for the perfect Christmas.

Is there anything about that tree

that says "perfect Christmas"?

But this little guy needed a real home.

I mean, we are kindred spirits.

This tree is me.

That's sweet, Tuck.

Maybe Santa will bring you a wood chipper.

Ben: Hello?

Anybody here?

Gentlemen...

I believe you were looking for this.

Yes. Thank you.

You're gonna make one special little girl very happy.

Oh! Not so fast.

The going rate is 300.

- Dollars?! - No, gumdrops.

Yes, dollars!

There's no way I'm paying that kind of money for this.

That's extortion.

Well, I guess your little girl is not that special after all.

You remember this moment when she's headlining at "girls girls girls."

Ben, don't listen to this guy.

I'm beginning to think he isn't even a real elf!

Plus, I'm sure the store is gonna get another shipment.

They will. But unfortunately for you,

employees get first dibs.

So I guess I am your only option.

Oh, I don't think so.

I can't believe there weren't any other options.

Hey, remember when I said I would do anything for Emma?

When this is over,

I have done everything for Emma.

Hey, I've had an elf wedgie for the last six hours,

and I think these shoes are permanently curling my toes

and you don't see me complaining!

Oh, my God! The bell!

- Not the bell. - All right, boys.

Santa's on break.

- Sit in a little circle. - All right.

We got a big show.

We got a show.

Five, six, seven, eight.