Mozart in the Jungle

Maestro!

Grazie.

Maestro, welcome to Venice.

I'm Beppi Bertelli. How tremendous to see you here.

- Yes. - Mind your step, slippery.

- Ah, that's okay. - How was your flight?

Are you jet lagged?

No jet lag.

Ah, the mark of a good conscience.

You know, Alessandra will be so exited to see you.

We are all so delighted. Wait.

You see?

I roll out the red carpet for you.

Okay.

Prego. Let me step out.

Only you, maestro, you are the only conductor

she would sing with.

"Please, Beppi, bring me Rodrigo.

"Only then will I do the concert."

I understand, I understand. I'm flattered.

Never flatter. Not with a genius such as yourself.

No, I... Now, may I present to you

- a couple of tiny items of advice? - Yes, yes, yes.

Most of the gondoliers are thieves and rogues.

If you must take a ride on a gondola,

I beg you, negotiate the price first.

That's why I brought my bicicletta.

- Bravo. - Eh?

Second,

if you are ordering a pasta dish

with seafood or lovely shrimps or clams or cuttle fish,

which I adore, do not,

I repeat, do not ask for parmigiano cheese

to put on the pasta. This is not done.

- It will insult the chef. - I don't want to insult the chef.

Uh, this way, eh?

Mm, this way.

And one last little thing.

Whatever you do, please...

do not make love with her.

No fornicate.

No fornicate. Grazie.

- Okay. - What a great pleasure.

What a tremendous honor.

Mm-hm, yes.

This concert will be legendary.

Legendary. And then we talk, uh?

- After... - Maybe.

Fornicate.

No fornicate.

Buongiorno.

Buongiorno.

Maestro.

How delightful you're here.

Oh, yes, this is so delightful.

It is mythological for me.

This is such an honor,

such a pleasure to meet you.

I recognize the recording.

"Les Filles de Cadix."

Vous chanté a La Palais Garnier, 2002. Right?

Very good.

Yes. I wanted to ask you,

did you have a slight cold that evening?

I had a terrible cold.

I finished the performance and collapsed.

Yes, because your voice had a beautiful...

una bellissima tessitura.

You speak Italian?

We speak in English.

More simple.

- Have you eaten? - No.

I was making us a little lunch.

- Come. - Okay.

- Come. - Si.

Would you mind tying this for me?

Oh, yes, yes.

Grazie.

Ai.

Oh, I like your kitchen a lot. A lot.

It's the place in the house where I feel most comfortable.

Mm.

Everywhere else, I'm a peasant in a palazzo.

You know, right now I'm in the mood for no home. You know?

Vagabond style.

But you should try owning

a 600 year old house in Venice.

Everything is sinking.

The first floor is flooded half the time,

the mold makes you sneeze,

but this is my hometown, and I love it.

And that is important, no?

- Home. - Oh, yes.

Yes, it is very important.

Yes.

A little pasta nera with cuttle fish.

Hope you like it.

Mm, it smells so good.

Would you care for some parmigiano?

Mm, no, niente, no. Never with fish. Thank you.

Grazie.

- Maestro. - Mm?

I'm sure you have a question for me.

After four years, can I still sing?

Well, I'm sure you can still sing, of course.

If not, you would never attempt to do this concert.

Well, people do foolish things.

Perhaps I can still sing in my shower. No?

But everyone believes they are a great singer in the shower.

I was sorry to hear about your orchestra.

- Mm. - I admire what you're trying to do to bring...

How you like to say? The blood to that

sad old symphony.

It's very sad.

But it was getting less sadder

because we were getting better,

but we got strangled by the red tape.

- You know? - Yes.

The fucking red tape.

Money, money, always money.

I know.

Beppi wants me to come back, to go on tour,

to do this concert, to be La Fiamma again,

because of the money.

How is the pasta?

It is so good.

Not overcooked?

It is excellent. Just right.

My dear maestro, I'm very sorry that

you have come all this way for nothing.

For nothing?

I'm afraid that it is impossible

that this concert should proceed.

- No, but... - I have enjoyed meeting you.

You are clearly very brilliant.

And you'll have many triumphs in your future.

Now I must do the dishes,

and then take little nap.

And please tell Beppi finita la comedia.

Alessandra.

The pasta was overcooked.

By at least three minutes.

Four and a half.

Well, I'm not here to conduct your cooking.

And if my singing is overcooked.

I will never allow that.

Never.

You want to talk about the blood,

well, my heart, it has been bleeding for a while.

And I think your voice is the only thing that can save it.

I fell in love with your voice

the first time I heard it.

I was 13 years old. Maestro Rivera brought it.

And it was you in "Tosca."

I heard it over and over again.

I would imagine these things.

I would do things that...

I'm not gonna tell you what I did, but...

But the moment that I heard that you stopped singing,

I wept.

You can come up with many reasons

why not to do something.

But the real reason why to do something important,

there's only one reason.

And what is the reason?

You know.

But, dear maestro,

I'm sorry but if you can't stand tears,

you should stay away from the opera.

Goodbye.

Andrew is running late,

he said we should do sound check without him.

What a shocker.

He's probably taking

a few hours extra sleep at the Ritz.

No, he's gotta sleep off the Dom Perignon.

Ladies, ladies, ladies, all right.

Let's pick up the tempo on this one.

We want to get to my solo quicker.

Remember, it's the Andrew Walsh Ensemble,

not the Andrew Walsh Ensemble ensemble.

Okay, let's read the score.

Uh, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit,

my solo.

Okay, and then bullshit, bullshit,

ah, yeah, my solo.

Maybe we just call it the Hailey Rutlege Ensemble.

Sorry.

No. No, Hailey, don't stop on my account.

I was enjoying it. It's hilarious.

- I was just, uh... - No, you were just

trying to make me look like an asshole.

It's not that hard.

Anyway, the traffic was better than I thought,

so I'm here.

Hailey, is it true I do that, uh, Stevie Wonder thing?

With my head and... No?

Don't answer.

All right, we have a lot of work to do.

We leave Austria tomorrow,