Family Guy

All right, time for 8:15 drop-off.

Now Mommy's on a quick break till 3:30.

Toughest job in the world.

Oh, look, Kylie's mom is out of rehab.

Good morning, little guy.

Hey, Janet, good to see you.

Hey, listen, thank you so much for your apology email.

An individual one would have been nice,

but one to the whole class was fine, too.

Have a good day, Stewie.

Oh, my God, please be a dog. Please be a dog.

: Ow. Ow...

Oh, my God, it's a kid!

It's Doug! Nice hit, bitch.

Oh, and Elsa underwear.

This day just keeps getting better!

Well, thank you all for coming.

Can I get anyone something to drink?

I'm fine, but Doug's mother would probably like

three martinis, and then to have unprotected sex

with her boss at work.

And Doug's father would love a glass of warm tap water

and to never make more than $30,000 a year

for the rest of his life.

And here we go.

Okay, well, I am just so sorry

about what happened with Doug.

I just didn't see the little guy.

Well, maybe you ought to get your eyes examined.

I appreciate that it was an accident, Mrs. Griffin.

But nonetheless, we've retained a lawyer.

Well, there must be some way short of a lawsuit

we can make this up to you.

Well, this is my weekend with Doug,

but I've got tickets to see Lana Del Rey

with our former nanny Jessica.

She's 24. So as a form of settlement,

maybe this weekend you can put together a tree house

I don't want to deal with.

Fine. If that's what I have to do to make this right,

then Peter and my children will build your son's tree house.

Deal.

All right, I guess now the four men

awkwardly sit here while my mom gives your mom

a tour of the house that doesn't deserve one.

And this is a room adjacent to the room

we were just in.

Ooh, what a fun house.

Okay, Mrs. Griffin, tell me what you see.

Um, I see a cow in a lab coat,

some vultures in a cowboy hat,

and a dog trying to trick a cat into a clothes dryer.

Just as I thought. You're Far-Sided.

Oh, no. What-what do I do about it?

Oh, well, I'm no doctor, but I would say

you either need to get glasses or maybe LASIK.

Is that the surgery people get

and then tell everybody they got it?

Yes, it's the veganism of elective surgery.

If you're unsure of what to do,

here's a video of Radiohead front man

and super weirdo Thom Yorke to help you decide.

Hello, I'm Thom Yorke.

You might know me from Radiohead

or my passing resemblance to a melting Tilda Swinton.

Not many people know that I'm blind in one eye.

Can you guess which one?

This is awful. - Wait, just give it a few minutes.

All his stuff starts kind of slow.

Fine, I'll get the LASIK.

Great. Make an appointment with my nurse.

Now here's a lollipop from the Sackler family

that says, "Sowwy."

In the future, we won't even need our eyes.

Computers will see for us.

Oh, now you're a doctor? I guess I'm a singer now.

: That was Elmer Hartman peaking at number 32 with

"I Hate Computers (Tra-La-La)."

Mrs. Griffin, the surgery was a success.

And by that, I mean the hospital agreed

to take your Discover card.

Plus, we'll get one percent of that back,

which is basically like getting nothing.

Oh, my God... I'm blind.

What do you mean you're blind?

Y-You can't see me right now? - No!

But you can still see, like, the stove and laundry, right?

But, Mom, we got you a balloo...

Shh, shh, shh.

: She doesn't know about the balloon.

Don't worry, Lois, we'll be right by your side

the whole time, and not outside playing with a balloon.

I love you, balloon.

Oh-oh, oh, no, no!

I'm coming, balloon!

: Don't tell your mother about this.

Don't worry, Lois, I went blind a while back.

It was cool. They're some of the last people

you can still make fun of.

Dad! - It's fine, they won't see this.

Dr. Hartman, you said there was very little risk

to LASIK, but now I am blind.

How did this happen?

Okay, look, this isn't my fault.

It was Take-Your-Cat-To-Work day.

Dr. Hartman, what does this mean, you know, for me?

Well, whatever your wife did for you,

you'll now have to do for yourselves.

And until she gets used to her new life,

you'll need to take care of her.

Feed her, bathe her, drive her places.

They're gone, aren't they? - They left, yes.

There they are. I thought we said 10:00 sharp,

but we must have said 10:18.

No one's fault, but going forward,

let's make sure we respect each other's time, hmm?

You must be Chris. - I must?

You know, we have a friend in common:

Mr. Herbert.

How do you know Mr. Herbert?

We're friends. Sometimes he comes to my art shows,

and we get ice cream after.

Let me guess, he takes you to the park

where the swings go really high?

He does. - Uh-huh.

That'll stop. And the ice cream?

Don't get used to it.

I've seen a thousand of you. I've outlasted them.

I'll outlast you.

Okay, uh, my dad left a note for you, Mr. Griffin.

"Griffins, build this tree house for my son.

"He will love it for a year, until my housekeeper

"moves into it, even though it doesn't have electricity

"or running water.

She walked here from Guatemala. She'll be fine."

Let's get started, boys.

Aw, man, this is gonna be more work

than when I built that Habitat for Sean Hannity.

As you can see, we've made everything white,

like you requested.

Here's a room to recover

from your sodium headaches,

and on the walls, I painted

some of your most famous quotes.

There's the one where you compared

the homosexual lifestyle to playing in the sewer,

and there's the one where you defended Roy Moore.

Nice. - Uh-huh.

And here's a room where you can blame things on an immigrant.

Hey, nothing personal, I just peddle hate for money.

We now return to Blindflix,

the streaming service for blind people.

I can't believe it's the year 2034,

Earth is uninhabitable, and we're hurtling through space

to find a place for humanity to start again.

Thankfully, we are Chris Evans and Vanessa Hudgens,

and have sexy bodies that will make beautiful

racially nuanced babies.

I love you, Chris Evans.

I love you, too, Vanessa Hudgens.

Kiss me.

Ah, this show is so sexy.

How you doing, Mom?

Do you need to go poopies?

Meg, please stop asking me that.

I'm sorry, I just... I hate being so dependent

on other people.

I feel helpless and worthless.

I get it. I feel helpless and worthless 24-sevs.

How do you deal with it?

Cutting, minor arson, and sometimes I post

empowerment videos on YouTube.

Empowerment videos?

I thought YouTube went out of business.

Uh, what am I thinking of?

Circuit City. - Yes.

Here. The camera's on.

Just getting your feelings out will make you feel better.

Oh, okay. Um, hello.

Uh, my name is Lois Griffin,

and I... am blind.

Uh, I went to the hospital for a simple surgery

and woke up in the ICU.

But the irony was I couldn't see you.

I couldn't see anyone or anything.

Even the people closest to me

who need to be seen the most.

So now I suppose if I want to see again,

I'll have to listen more

and-and feel more and focus on

what's on the inside and not what I can see on the outside.

Okay, that's all for now.

Mom, that was incredible.

You really spoke to me.

Who-Who's that? Is that Lois?

Peter, I'm the one who's blind.

Sorry, I-I'm still getting used to things.