I, Robot

Thing of beauty.

Good morning, sir.

Yet another on-time delivery from...

Get the hell out of my face, canner.

Have a nice day.

And we believe our "Destination Anywhere" package to be the best value.

Let us take you to your dream destination aboard our orbital space-plane...

Glowfish. The world's hot-selling transgenic treat.

Excuse me, sir.

Total readiness. Total security.

So good-bye to lengthy upgrades and service calls.

An uplink to U.S.R.'s central computer provides this state-of-the-art robot...

with new programs daily.

The Nestor Class 5 is tomorrow's robot today.

Spoon! Spoonie!

Hey!

Uh... Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Excuse me. Excuse me.

- Hey, man! - Spoon, man, where you been at?

- Just away, Farber. - Oh, yeah, away?

Like vacation and stuff? That's real nice, man.

Listen. I got a favor to ask. I need to borrow the car for 10, 15 minutes.

No, this is different, Spoon. Listen. I got this fine-ass little yummy.

I mean, she is complete and agreeable. I mean, ass-hot spankable, Spoon.

- What does that even mean? - You know what it means, man.

- Okay? Now stop barricading. Let me get the damn-ass keys. - First of all...

stop cussing, 'cause you're not good at it.

Let me get 10 for the bus then, man. I've been there for you.

- Go home. - Okay, that's strike one, Spoon. That's strike one.

You talk to Marci?

No, Gigi, I haven't talked to Marci.

When I was coming up, we didn't just marry someone...

then divorce them then not talk to them.

Del, don't play with me.

I'll bet if I stopped cooking, you'd call Marci.

Boy, what is that on your feet?

Mm. Converse All-Stars, vintage 2004.

Don't turn your face up like that.

I know you want some. All you gotta do is ask.

No, thank you very much.

- Sweet potato pie. - Put that on a plate.

You know, I've seen on TV, they're giving away some of them new robots in the lottery.

You know, Gigi...

those robots don't do anybody any good.

Of all the people on God's earth, you should know better.

Sometimes the stuff that comes out of your mouth.

You listening to me, Del?

Hey! Hey!

Hold my pie.

Sir, hold it or wear it.

Hey! Move!

Hey, hey, thief!

Stop!

I said stop.

Relax. Relax.

- I'm a police officer. - You...

are an asshole.

Ma'am, is that your purse?

Of course it's my purse. I left my inhaler at home.

He was running it out to me.

I saw a robot running with a purse, and naturally I-I assumed...

What? Are you crazy?

I'm sorry for this misunderstanding, Officer.

Don't apologize. You're doing what you're supposed to be doing.

But what are you doing?

Have a lovely day, ma'am.

You lucky I can't breathe, or I'd walk all up and down your ass.

Lead by example.

It says that right on your badge.

- So, we gonna talk about this? - About what?

Help, police. That robot stole my dry cleaning.

Oh, you wanna talk about that.

Detective, how many robots have ever snatched a purse?

- John, the thing is running down the... - Uh-uh. Mm-mm.

How many robots in the world...

have ever committed a crime?

- Well, define "crime." - Answer my question, damn it.

None, John.

Now tell me what happened today.

Nothing.

Better be the last nothing.

Spoon, are you sure you are ready to be back? 'Cause you can take your time.

I'm fine, John. Thank you.

Better here than sitting around at home.

Homicide. Spooner.

Please take the next exit to your right.

Welcome, Detective Spooner.

Welcome to U.S. Robotics.

You have entered the garage level lobby.

Please use the elevators for direct access to the main level concourse.

Thank you.

Good to see you again, son.

Hello, Doctor.

Everything that follows is a result of what you see here.

Is there something you wanna tell me?

I'm sorry. My responses are limited.

You must ask the right questions.

Why did you call me?

I trust your judgment.

Normally, these circumstances wouldn't require a homicide detective.

But then our interactions have never been entirely normal. Wouldn't you agree?

Got that right.

Is there something you wanna say to me?

I'm sorry. My responses are limited.

You must ask the right questions.

Why would you kill yourself?

That, Detective, is the right question.

Program terminated.

Good-bye, old man.

- Afternoon, boys. - Hey, Detective.

- Enlighten me. - What you see, is what you get. Massive impact trauma.

U.S. Robotics. I gotta get my kid something.

- Anything upstairs? - Nada.

Door was security-locked from the inside.

Wham. Splat. The guy's a jumper, for sure.

Okay, guys, we gotta be smart about this. Let's deal with it later.

Detective.

- Lawrence Robertson. - Wow.

Richest man in the world. I've seen you on television.

Can I offer you coffee?

Uh, sure. Why not? It's free, right?

I don't think anyone saw this coming.

You know, I-I should have, I suppose. I knew him 20 years.

Alfred practically invented robotics.

He wrote the Three Laws.

But I guess brilliant people often have the most persuasive demons.

- So, whatever I can do to help, just... - Sugar.

- I'm sorry? - For the coffee. Sugar?

- Ah. - Oh, you thought I was calling you "sugar."

- You're not that rich. - It's on the table.

Thank you.

Uh, when Lanning fell, he was holding the, uh... the little green...

- The holographic projector. - Right, right.

Why do you think Lanning's hologram would have called me?

I assumed you knew him.

Yeah, I knew him.

Well, holograms are very simple programs.

They're just pre-recorded responses, designed to give the impression of intelligence.

And apparently this one was programmed to call you upon his suicide.

- Death. - I'm sorry?

The hologram. It was programmed to call me in the event of Lanning's death.

Yeah. Suicide is a type of death, Detective.

Look. Please don't misunderstand my impatience.

No, no. Go, go, go.

A really big week for you folks around here.

- Yeah. - Gotta put a robot in every home.

- Mm. - Look. This is-This is not what I do...

but I got an idea for one of your commercials.

You could see a carpenter making a beautiful chair.

Then one of your robots comes in and makes a better chair, twice as fast.

- Mm-hmm. - And then you superimpose on the screen...

Shittin' on the little guy.

- Ah. - That would be the fade-out.

Yes. I suppose your father lost his job to a robot.

Maybe you would have simply banned the Internet to keep the libraries open.

Prejudice never shows much reason.

No, you know, I suspect...

you simply don't like their kind.

Yeah, you got a business to run around here.

And the last thing you need, especially this week, is a dead guy in your lobby.

But hell, seeing as how you got one, maybe I'll look around.

Ask a few questions. Do the whole cop thing, you know?

I'll send someone to escort you.

Thank you very much.

Lawrence told me to accommodate you in any way possible.

Really?

Okay.

I reviewed Dr. Lanning's psych profile.

Alfred had become a recluse. He rejected human contact for machines.

So, you're a shrink, huh?

My ex-wife would sure be glad I'm talking to you.

- You don't know her, do you? - I'm sorry. Are you being funny?

I guess not.

Level 10.

So, would you say that Dr. Lanning was suicidal?

It would seem the answer to that question is apparent.

That's not what I asked you.

No. I wouldn't have thought so.

But obviously I was wrong.

That's a long way down.

You people sure do clean up quickly around here.

I can't blame you, though. I mean, who wants some old guy going bad in the lobby?

He was not some old guy. Alfred Lanning was everything here.

We are on the eve of the largest robotic distribution in history.

By Saturday, it'll be one robot to every five humans.

These robots are the realization of a dream.

Dr. Lanning's dream.

You know what?

In that dream of his, I bet you he wasn't dead.

You keep 24-hour surveillance?

- Obviously. Company policy. - Where are the feeds?

Sensor strips. Everywhere but the service areas.

They link to our positronic operating core.

Wow.

Thermostat wasn't good enough. You went and gave the building a brain.

She was actually Lanning's first creation.

"She"? That's a she? I definitely need to get out more.

Virtual Interactive Kinetic Intelligence.

VIKI.

Good day.

VIKI designed most of Chicago's protective systems.