Family Guy

At last, I shall exact my vengeance

and snuff out the miserable flame

that has been your life, vile woman.

Time to put you out of your misery.

What the deuce?

Sorry I broke your toy.

"Toy"? This is a drone.

Grown men who have never had sexual relations

fly them over people's houses

to try and see something. I don't know.

Here, want to play with my toy?

- What the hell is this? - It's a magic wand.

Watch. Alakazam!

I cast the tickle spell.

Okay, okay, you got me.

But seriously, cross me again, and I will end you.

You're funny. My name's Hudson.

Want to play "spin in a circle"?

I'm Stewie. Yeah, I don't think I...

What the...? Stop it!

I'm losing track of my surroundings.

Hey, this is kind of fun.

Whee!

Yes. Whee.

Whee!

Oh, my. Oh, my.

Hudson, time to go.

I got to go home now.

I'm glad I met you, Stewie.

You're neat. Bye.

Bye, Hudson.

I like him.

He's more fun than an Eddie Murphy bed.

And check this out.

That's cool. Is it a queen?

Not sure, but people have said it is.

Wait a minute.

This is a self-empowerment seminar.

You lied to me.

You said we were going to Baskin-Robbins.

I said we were going to bask in Robbins' glow.

You know what you did.

I do.

Ladies and gentlemen,

give it up for Tony Robbins.

How the is everyone?

Ooh, he swore. I trust this guy.

All of you here are capable of greatness.

Yay!

But some will never achieve it.

Oh, no!

You, sir.

Come out here.

Sheesh, your head is the size of a picnic watermelon.

Ha! I've been told that.

And you sound like you were lost at sea

and told not to drink seawater but drank seawater.

Peter, will you just listen to him?

Tony, this is why I brought him.

He's never willing to actually confront his issues.

Sounds like you have no self-esteem.

I don't deserve self-esteem.

Peter, I was once a lot like you:

unmotivated, dangerously obese, always relying on cutaways...

You know, that reminds me of the time...

No, Peter. No more cutaways.

- Stay in the present. - Okay.

Okay. Now tell me what you feel.

Uh, a partial erection.

I don't get touched very often.

You know you deserve a better life, right, Peter?

Yes. Getting hard to breathe in here.

I want to give you that life, Peter.

Time to seize your personal power.

Yeah, by getting away from you, you weirdo.

But first, here's that cutaway I was gonna do

before you made me skip it.

Only now it'll make no sense.

"Cast of Parks and Rec Peter" away!

I can't believe you dragged me to that fraud.

That man has nothing to offer me.

Tony Robbins.

Listen, I don't have long.

If I get soaked in the rain, I'll be too heavy to move.

Peter, I've seen thousands of people over the years

and helped every single one of them.

I'm not going to let you be my first failure.

I told you, I don't want your help.

Peter, I swear,

I won't stop trying to help you no matter what.

Oh, my God! Peter, stop the car!

I think he got struck by lightning.

Wait, w-where is he?

He's gone.

This is freaking me out.

Are... are you carrying a flask now?

This is about you getting better, not me.

Hey, there's Hudson.

Stewie, you're, like, 100 times more advanced than that kid.

Why do you want to hang out with him so badly?

He's just, like, a cool guy.

Hi, Stewie. I'm putting sand on a cat poo.

Cool!

I like you, Stewie.

Can I come over for a playdate?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

Brian, can Hudson come over for a playdate?

Sure, I guess so.

I've never heard you ask for a playdate before.

I know, but there's a first time for everything.

Like when I finally built the Leaning Tower of Pisa

out of LEGOs.

I did it!

Mom! Come look! Mom!

Yeah, be right there, Stewie.

Where's the bush vodka?

Where is it? Where is it?!

Ah, there it is.

Hi, Stewbie.

You playing with your kitty cat?

Ah, the privacy of all glass around me.

Finally, I can pick my nose.

Hey, Peter, next time use a tissue.

- Who said that? - It's me. Tony Robbins.

Tony Robbins?

That's impossible. You're dead.

That may be true,

but the lightning bolt that killed me

seems to have magically transferred my personal power...

Trademark... into your car.

Peter, I told you I was going to help you,

and I'm not leaving until I make good on my promise.

Suit yourself.

Hey, if you're dead, can you ask Bill Paxton

if he's the same as Bill Pullman?

Sure. Hang on.

He said no, but he winked.

Ah!

Hey, Stewie, let's play cops and robbers.

Bang! Bang! Bang! Got you.

Gun?

Oh, that's-that's not... that's not a gun.

These are guns.

You're welcome, Paul Hogan.

Any time someone says a weapon is not what it is,

Paul Hogan gets a royalty.

Royalty check, Mr. Hogan.

Thanks, Jumpy.

Whoa! What are all these for?

Oh, the yoozh:

destroying enemies, world domination.

Oh, and killing my mother.

You want to hurt your mommy?

Stewie?

Blast! Here she comes.

Well, look at these handsome little boys.

Come downstairs. I made your favorites:

grilled cheese cut to look like a dinosaur.

Ugh. They never look like a dinosaur.

Your mom seems nice.

She's a slag.

Well, I hope you don't use your guns

to kill your mom or do anything bad.

'Cause if you do,

I won't be able to play with you,

and that's my favorite thing now.

It is?

- Uh-huh. - Mine, too.

You know what? I'm going to let her live.

I must say, I've been evil so long,

I've forgotten what it's like to be kind.

And it's all because of our friendship, Hudson.

- You really mean that? - You bet I do.

And I always tell it like it is,

like when I used to write tombstones.

Complained a lot is what she did.

Stewie, what are you doing?

Having a funeral, Bri.

Say good-bye to Evil Stewie.

Did we get a pool?

Is this a pool?

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Stewie, slow down, slow down. What happened?

We went to the zoo. We saw an ape.

At first we didn't think we'd see him

'cause he was, like, hiding back in his house.

But then he came out. We saw him!

We saw the ape! He was big.

And then... and then... and then...

And then... and then... And then...

Okay, I get it. You had fun.

Wait, you're not mad I went without you, are you?

No, no, I-I was only going for you.

And maybe to taunt the animals that aren't able to leave.

Which is all of them.

Losers.

All right, you have to take us to lunch,