Condorman

Okay, Wood. In position.

Get ready.

Right.

Who can save Princess Juliet, held captive by the evil Count Lorka?

Who can save the city? Who?

Who...?

This is a job for Condorman!

Aah!

Harry!

Flap, Woody!

- Flap! - Aaah!

It should've worked.

- Here. Drink this. - I can't understand it.

- Drink this and calm down. - I am calm!

I am calm.

Those wings were foolproof, Harry. They were foolproof.

Woody, you're a great cartoonist, and you're a great comic book writer...

...but you're a lousy bird. I mean, you could've got yourself killled.

That's the way I create. You know that.

If Condorman can't do something in real life, then I won't have him do it in one of my comic books.

Kids all over the world read my stuff.

They trust me. They know if I fake it.

Condorman's American. His word is his bond.

Well, hooray for the Red, White and Blue.

Woody, we've been buddies for a long time.

Now, I respect you, I admire you. You're sincere, you're conscientious, but sometimes you go too far.

- How so? - Well, take now.

Okay, so Condorman's first assignment is to help the French government.

And you come here to Paris and stay with me to get the feel of things.

Well, fine. But did you have to try to fly off the Eiffel Tower and nearly drown?

Come on, Woody. You're so wrapped up in your characaters that you're losing sight of reality.

Go home. New England's nice this time of year. Relax, take it easy.

Condorman would find enough excitement in New York City to last a lifetime.

No, no, no, no, no. Besides, Superman's got the Big Apple sewn up.

No, Condorman's gotta be international.

And as for reality and fantasy, look what you do for a living.

Huh? What a fantastic life, huh? To be a spy.

I am not a spy, Woody.

CIA, huh? Cloak and dagger, secret missions. Parachuting behind enemy lines, memorizing code words.

Oh, that has to be the greatest, Harry!

Woody, not everybody at the Agency is Robert Redford.

- Oh, come on! When you went to Bangkok-- - Read my lips...

I am a file clerk. Nothing more, nothing less.

You have my notes. Prepare the Benson file for an audit, and then contact our people in Geneva.

Oh, there's Harry now.

Morning, Richard.

- How's it going, Harry? - Late again. Bus strike.

- Harry? - Sir?

What's up, Russ?

The Geneva meeting. I'm going to be gone for two days. I want you to keep an eye on things for me.

Right. Uh, what about the Istanbul papers? The exchange takes place the day after tomorrow.

You can handle that, Harry. They're not important anyway.

But Harrington won't be back from Rio 'til the weekend.

We're not sending Harrington. Our Russian friends insist the exchange be handled by civilians.

Huh, civilians? What are the Ruskies worried about? That the Chinese'll find out they got spies in Turkey?

Exactly.

- Have you recruited the civilian? - That's where you come in. Just pick someone suitable.

Wh-- uh, me? But Russ... but Russ... Russ?

- Russ, I don't think I can handle this. - You're always asking for more authority. This is your big chance.

What do I do? Stop the first American tourist I see and say, "Hey, mister, how would you like to do your country a favor...

"... and drop of some secret papers to a Russian in Istanbul?"

Something like that, yes. Now you're learning!

But, Ru---

Russ, what if I need to get ahold of you on the--?

Hey, Woody? Harry.

Remember how I saved your life this morning?

Well, I got a big favor to ask.

You like trains?

What's with the outfit?

"Of all the stations... in all the world..."

- You like? - I hate.

Give me the hat and trenchcoat.

- What? No! - Woody, you were hired because you're a civilian.

I mean, take it easy with the Bogart schtick.

All right, but leave me the coat, please. It gives me confidence.

Okay, okay. But remember you're supposed to blend in.

I got it. I got it.

Yeah, that's you. Give me your wrist.

Oh!

Oh, I like that. I like it!

I knew you would. Here's the key. Don't lose it!

Thanks, Harry. And don't worry...

I won't let the organization down.

Do me a favor, buddy.

When you get on board the train, just have a couple of stiff drinks, go to sleep and stay out of trouble.

Hey... you're talking to Woody, right? Right?

Sure. Now get on board.

Harry. when do I get off again?

At the end of the line, Woody.

Istanbul.

Istanbul.

Whoa!

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I'm a bit unsteady. It was jet lag.

No, train lag. Whatever.

Now you be carful!

Excuse me.

No... it was my faul... fault, I...

I tripped you with a purpose.

I thought it was you.

I believe we have something we can give each other?

Oh, absolutely.

I mean, I'm a man...

- ...you're a woman. - I speak of documents.

Papers.

Papers?

Ah, papers! Yes, papers.

Istanbul, right?

Exchange must be discreet.

Of course.

Your order, sir?

- I'll have one of those. - One Istanbul Express?

Yes, a double.

A double? Nobody orders it a double, sir.

Okay.

Make it a triple.

What's your name?

Natalia.

"Natalia."

I need your papers.

Is something wrong?

It's just that you're so beautiful.

- For a spy. - Spy?!

But we are both civilians.

Everything may not be quite as it seems.

You are not a civilian?

In point of fact, no.

I'm working as a top-level operative in international espionage.

Just passing through, doing a favor for a civilian.

Is that so?

Yes.

One triple Istanbul Express.

So, do you have a code name?

Does the name "Condorman" mean anything to you?

- Condorman, eh? - Yes, Condorman.

"Vulture of the Western World."

I must go.

Please don--

Please don't go.

Those men over by the door, they're after me. I must go.

Oh, why don't we leave together? If you're with me, maybe they won't try anything.

Nothing will stop them.

Aren't you forgetting Condorman, "Vulture of the" etc., etc.?

We are in great danger.

Danger? I laugh at danger.

Step aside.

You step aside or you will die.

I'm sorry I had to get so violent, but it was the only language they understood.

- Are you all right? - Oh, I'm fine apart from a large dry cleaning bill.

I'll tell you one thing: if I ever come back to Istanbul, I'm gonna put this place on my "try to avoid" list.

Are you okay?

I was afraid for you.

You were?

That's very nice.

Well...

Oh! I believe these are for you.

The Istanbul papers?

Thank you... for everything.

It was nothing. I do this two or three times a week.

Natalia...

I--

Do svidaniya, Condorman!

Hello, Natalia.

Welcome home.

Oh, Sergei. I did not expect you.

I am sure you didn't, my dear, any more than I expected you would go to Istanbul.

I had to go there. We cannot trust the Americans, as I found out.

Really? And what did you find out, my little dove?

I must go and change. The journey, it was very long.

The exchange was supposed to be a civilian operation, eh?

I anticipated them and I was right.

They sent a top agent.

I had the office check him but there is no file on this man.

He was good.

Very smooth and very tough.

Perhaps even as good as you, Sergei.

And his name?

Surely when you were finding out how tough and how smooth he was, you found out his name, no?

He called himself Condorman.

Condorman?

How quaint.

But he is good. The way he handled those three Turks was impressive.

If they got hold of you who knows what would have happened.

But you were stupid to be seen by a Chinese agent.

And I am not one to let anybody jeopardize my position, am I?

Oh, my dear Natalia.

That is why I have changed my mind about bringing you with me...

to Monte Carlo to act as hostess to the oil meetings with our Arabian friends.

You see, you need a little re-education to remind you of the teachings of our masters.

Harry, my Laser Lady.

Isn't she beautiful?

Who is Condorman?

- "Condorman"? - Condorman.

Well, uh... Condorman is what we call a comic hero, in a comic book.

A comic book?

Yeah, you know, like Donald Duck, Popeye, Superman.

He's not a real person?

- Who, Condorman? - Yes, Condorman.

No, Russ, comic book characters aren't real people.

Not as a rule, anyway. I mean, uh, Donald Duck for example...