Sneaky Pete

This is just wonderful.

First my wife tells me that she's lost everything,

now my grandson is telling me that

he's nothing but a common crook.

Is that why you brought that safecracker in, to rob us?

No.

No.

I was trying to help you.

- Oh. - I can still help you.

Really.

This is from the Einstein that tried to rob a gun range.

I did that on purpose.

There were... There were bad men after me,

and getting arrested was the only way out of it.

So we have to worry about these bad men?

- No, you don't have to worry about the bad... - No?

They don't even know who I am.

I was going under an alias.

Marius Josipovic.

Jos... Wh... What kind of a name is that?

It's Polish.

You said you could help.

My ex told you about a friend, right?

Uh, Victoria Gemmet.

He said she was a client.

He said she had an opportunity,

a real estate opportunity, but she couldn't take advantage of it

because she didn't have the cash.

Client said she had a boyfriend on the planning commission,

that Google was gonna open some super campus outside of Bridgeport,

and that the... the value of the surrounding property was gonna skyrocket.

Oh, Jesus, Audrey, you work with criminals every day.

How could you fall for this?

Because I got paid. I told you.

I put in 10,000 and got back 15,000 in five days.

Easy money's always the hook.

And then you told Lance that if there was another opportunity

to let you know about it right away.

How long did he wait, what, two weeks?

Three. Same type of deal.

But bigger, right?

Yeah, a lot bigger. A lot.

Lance said Victoria's boyfriend found out about the property,

and he was terrified he'd get charged with insider trading

for giving her the information.

Right, so then she needed to sell the properties fast.

She said there were other investors that were interested,

but because you helped her out before,

she came to you first.

Right?

Put it like that, it's just...

So... so obvious.

They call this the Spanish Prisoner. It's an old con.

This... The same thing happened to me.

There's always a clock on it.

I had one day to come up with 175,000.

So I... got Dockery's money,

his cash out of the safe and...

And, um, I-I pawned some collateral...

to come up with the rest.

What the fuck?

Jesus Chris, Audrey. You said you told me everything.

I didn't want to upset you.

You pawned collateral. How could you do that?

Because Lance said it...

Lance said he was going with me,

that it was too rich to pass up.

This is a betrayal of everything!

- It was a chance to... - It's a betrayal of our marriage!

- It's a chance to get even. - It's a betrayal of our business!

It was a chance to catch up,

to maybe even get ahead for once.

Between your medical bills, and... and this hand-to-mouth business, I just...

- Oh, I didn't realize I was such a burden. - Oh, Otto, I'm sorry.

In two days, Audrey, two,

Dockery will come lookin' for his money,

and we will not have it.

- Grandpa. - I don't want to hear from you.

Well, shit, I, um...

My final Agent Orange check came yesterday.

I think I'll just go cash it right now.

You think $5,000 is gonna help?

Where are you going?

I'm going to work.

For as long as we still have a business.

What are we gonna do?

We're gonna get your money back.

Chayton, how are you?

Been thinkin' about your visit yesterday.

Tellin' me to run.

Didn't feel right.

- I was only, uh... - Lookin' out for my father.

To be a friend.

Spare him the pain of seeing his son in jail.

When did you last see my father,

before yesterday?

Well, uh...

I'm feelin' you lied to me.

About what?

Maybe the reason you want me out of here.

I skip town, you keep the money.

- That'd be stupid. - Yeah, that would be.

The witness is not gonna show up on Monday, or Tuesday,

or any day.

And after my court hearing on Monday, I'm gonna return.

I want my money ready.

Why? Because my angel-faced little cousin Carly is the fucking devil.

She's the one who took it to Audrey.

And apparently, she's also been talking to Taylor about me.

Well, then, you have a major crack in the damn, Marius,

because that cop is gonna run Pete's name

sooner rather than later,

and it's not gonna be your face that pops up, is it?

If the truth comes out, it's gonna be a shit storm

to end all shit storms, because you'll go back to prison.

And Eddie can say goodbye to his fingers.

So I don't... What do I do?

I don't know what to do.

Well, I have an idea.

You're not gonna like it.

Uh, what, Porter? You want... You want me to talk to...

He wants nothing to do with me.

Tell him what we're doing.

But is it... He's not even the same anymore.

I don't understand.

Maybe not, but... he knows how to find

the kind of person you need.

There... There are four steps to this trick.

Four.

I need a volunteer.

Wallace. Come, come, come, Wallace.

Wallace, ladies and gentlemen.

Wallace.

It's Wally.

- Wally. - Yeah.

Nice to work with you, Wally.

- Yeah, thank you. - Please, ladies and gentlemen.

All right, as I said, there are four steps to this trick.

Step number one:

pour the milk into the cup.

All right. There we go.

Hah?

Um, next step.

Place the cards...

over the milk.

Step number three:

Place the cup of milk on Wally's head.

- Ooh. - There.

Step number four:

Uh, step number four is, uh...

pull the cards.

Uh... Let's see.

Ahh!

Yeah, give him a round of applause.

Give him a round of applause.

Great job, Wally, great job.

Let's clean you off there.

Good job.

Porter.

It's Marius.

You don't remember me?

I'm your old student.

Marius.

Yeah, that... You told me that was the first trick you learned.

Now I get halfway through a gag and can't finish it.

You're still there.

Am I?

Let's see.

I can't remember the short con, never mind the long.

I'm reduced to kissing the dog at the retirement centers.

Yeah, but you look fantastic.

And you're a good liar.

Say, um... I hate to ask this but,

you know things haven't been going too well for me,

and I...

- I was just wondering... - Yeah.

Yeah, here. I got a, uh...

Got a 20.

What you say your name was?

Uh, it's not important.

Just an old friend.

Well, thank you. Thank you.

Mm, nice Rolex.

Some grandson's gonna miss you.

Nice haul.

I really did learn from the best.

That's my business card.

Got your address from the phone book.

What do you want?

Want your 20 back?

I didn't give you a 20.

I only do what the nursing staff does.

Just do it with more flair, that's all.

- I'm not here to judge. - But you're here for something.

I'm... I'm looking for a, uh...

A gray hat, 'cause I... I need to hack into a...

A prison data base.

That'll cost you more than 20.

You don't get it, do you?

I don't want to help you.