Love Movie (Liebesfilm)

Okay, good.

Can you hear the waves?

Can you hear the waves?

Can you hear the breeze?

You're at the sea. It's all good.

Everything's calm. You can feel the breeze.

That's good, that's good.

The waves are coming in. You're at the beach.

Everything's beautiful.

Relax.

You know there are whales older than Moby Dick?

I mean older than when the book was written.

The book was written and the whales are even older.

Did you know that?

- I didn't know that! - No?

It's true.

Okay, forget the fucking whales.

You're... Fuck, you're...

Okay, everybody fouls Ronaldo

because he's the best and everyone wants to beat him.

You're bleeding and they keep tackling,

but you always get up again, Ira, because you're the best!

You get tackled hard and you...

Shut up!

LOVE MOVIE

The stars are dancing like crazy.

You took a little too much MDMA.

Try to relax. Everything will be okay.

Relax, baby.

Relax.

You look like Alain Delon, and you look like Belmondo.

No, it's the other way around, but whatever.

It's really beautiful.

It's so beautiful here.

Aren't you a little too close to the fire?

But your sunglasses are melting.

I trashed a pair of sunglasses, too.

With mosquito spray.

Really?

That's because of the DEET.

- The what? - The DEET.

The U.S. Army developed it to fight mosquitoes in the jungle.

You look so beautiful.

How old are you again?

Who are you anyway?

I'm Lenz.

I'm Ira.

WHO SHOT OSAMA BIN LADEN? THE SUMMER OF LOVE

Right after 9/11... really, just a few days later,

they almost caught Osama Bin Laden.

He was hiding out in some cave in Tora Bora.

The Navy SEALS had him surrounded.

But Osama managed to escape at the very last minute.

Almost never to be seen again.

- What are you doing? - I have to go.

I've gotta work.

- Where are you gonna work right now? - In Peshawar.

Sure, Peshawar. Of all places?

- It's complicated. - Come on, tell me.

I do computer stuff.

Are you really leaving?

- Are you a hacker? - No!

Then what's that?

A bulletproof vest.

- Put it on. - Then I can go?

Yup.

Come here.

I have to go.

Where do you want to go?

Peshawar!

What will you do there?

I install encrypted VPN devices.

I love you.

Really?

- Lenzi. - Dad, what's up?

Why don't you pick up on a Monday at 1pm?

I'm busy with that board meeting.

Oh, right. How could I forget?

- You're really busy, aren't you? - Totally.

I'll call your secretary next time.

Good idea. I'm super busy.

Yeah, wow! So, you need money?

- Come on, Dad. - Okay. Have a nice Monday.

- Talk to you next week. - I'll call you. Bye.

Bye.

I really thought it could go on forever.

Kreuzberg, early May, early 30s... It's Monday and I can do what I want.

Even nothing at all.

Except there was Ira.

In Peshawar. Seriously, Peshawar!

Ira, the wrathful one. That's what it means in Latin.

What?

- The suitcase? - Yes.

- We're together. - Yup.

For the next wave.

- We're just starting out. - We still have rose-coloured glasses on.

"Rose-coloured glasses!"

- What's there to laugh about? - You, lesbo.

- Chill. - Okay, bunny. Hop off home!

"Hop off?" I'll hop you right in the face!

What the hell was that?

Oh, another goal!

Hey, Dad. What's up?

You're at the office, right?

Yup. Board meeting, where else?

Straight ahead.

A little left. Keep going straight.

I'll tell you when. Straight ahead.

Funny, huh?

What can I say? It was beautiful.

Ira was always away, but not for long.

And it was summer, and it could have gone on forever.

- You know when I have to work, right? - How should I know?

- It's always early! - We were sleeping!

- You've got my socks on again! - Leave me alone. Just go!

- Fuck you! - Fuck yourself! Just go!

There you are!

- Tastes like toilet cleaner! - It's lime-pear.

- Your mail. You coming home some time? - Yes, sure.

- Where's your patient? - It's "client." Mr. Rothe.

He's an artist. It's nothing serious.

Couldn't finish his masterpiece. Kept painting over it.

And then... Bang!

Nervous breakdown, maybe psychosis.

He'll be fine. This comforts him.

Representational stuff. Three dimensional.

Sort of like a reboot. Mr. Rothe?

We're here if you need anything.

Hello.

Good to know.

Good to know.

So, how's your mildly unstable girlfriend?

Excuse me? "Unstable"?

- Isn't she with special forces? - No, Foreign Legion.

- Or the secret service? - Yeah, Doctors Without Borders, CIA...

I'm telling you, she's secret service.

- No, she's in IT. She installs... - "Doctors Without Borders" sounds hot.

Come on! She's gone, and that sucks.

You love her!

"Love? You love her?" You yokel!

Mr. Rothe!

Easy does it, Mr. Rothe.

Kenn?

Kenn?

Can I borrow your car?

...claimed responsibility for the attack.

Just this January a suicide bomber in Quetta

blew himself up in front of a clinic, killing 15 people.

- It's so cute! - What?

- That you picked me up! - Of course! Get in!

Where were you?

Getting my bags.

It took that long?

Were you worried?

- You were worried! - We're leaving!

- Because of terrorism? - Leave me alone!

- I waited for ages. - Careful! Watch out!

I'm a really good driver.

I told you, it's an office job. I sit in front of a computer.

Last week I had to fix the phone of the Goethe-Institut director in Kabul

so she could call her sweetie in Biberach.

- VPN encrypted? - Of course VPN encrypted.

It's not dangerous.

Yeah, that Lion of Pan-thingy looks after you, right?

Huh? Who?

That dude with those eyes and that beard,

that chin and hat, and that nose!

Huh?

That hipster in the photo next to your bed!

Shah Massoud.

The "Lion of Panjshir."

- Lion! - Yes, "lion."

How is he a lion?

Because Massoud

defended the Panjshir Valley like a lion.

Back then, when they attacked,

Shah Massoud stood there like a lion,

like the king of the jungle, and defended the place.

- Why are you laughing? - It's ridiculous.

It's not ridiculous!

- That's not really my thing. - What?

- No? - No.

Okay. Well...

- Now tell me where we're going. - No, it's a surprise.

Fine.

Back then, the Russians attacked Panjshir with helicopters, again and again.

But Massoud got some bazookas and shot the helicopters down.

Just like in Rambo III. You have to give him that.

Massoud was a hero.

THE LION OF BRANDENBURG HOW I NEARLY BECAME A HERO

He really worked hard.

And he was so hated.

They kept trying to overthrow him, or kill him.

There were 17 attempts on his life!

They tried to kill him!

But he was unflinching.

He also had very loyal soldiers at his side.

- Massoud is a hero. - Yeah. Wow.

I also have a lighter.

No, just get me some dry grass or something.