License to Drive

Man: Remember, the driver must always see the big picture.

When driving through puddles or in heavy rain,

your tires may begin to hydroplane--

actuaIIy ride on the water rather than the pavement.

lf this happens to you, don't panic

and especially don't jam on your brakes.

ln this actual scientific demonstration,

we see that in as IittIe as a quarter inch of water,

your tires may Iose contact with the surface completely.

Does your brother have mono or something?

He slept through the entire course.

No.

He's just brain dead.

Mr. Anderson,

it's punks Iike you that paramedics end up

scraping off the road at 4:00 in the morning.

For your sake and the safety of others,

l hope you fail your driving exam.

Wait up! Wait up, my bus!

You know, Dean,

l can't help wondering: is it ever going to get that good for me?

Anderson, the only difference between you and that greaseball

is that he has a license and you don't.

Whoa whoa whoa!

Scumbag!

Get on. l'll drive you home.

No way, man. Look, I have a driver's exam to take Saturday.

l don't want to get killed.

Les, your license is just as important to me as it is to you.

l'll take it easy.

Trust me.

Whoo whoo whoo! Yeah!

- Watch out, watch out! - Dean, Dean!

l'll get you, you little brat!

Ah, Dean!

Whoo! Ha ha!

- Whoa! - Whoo-hoo!

There you go-- front-door service.

Great, thanks.

Wow.

- Whose Caddy? - lt's my grandfather's.

16 years old, man.

lt only has 20,000 miles on it.

Wow, what's it doing here?

WeII, my granddad's afraid to take it on long trips,

so he borrowed my dad's car for a week.

Do you know this boat would kick ass up at Archie's?

Do you think there's any chance we could get it Saturday night?

- Not a chance in hell, Dean. - No way.

Hey, Dad, what's up?

Well, l'm just cleaning out the garage here,

making some room for the old boat.

What do you think, Dean? As long as you're here,

- you want to give us a hand, huh? - Yeah, Deano.

- Dean? - You know, l'd love to, Mr. Anderson,

but l just remembered...

l'm allergic to dust and cardboard boxes.

I gotta go.

- See you tonight, Les. - See you tonight, Deano.

- Take care of that cough, Dean. - Oh yeah!

- Dad? - Yeah?

Do you think that there's any way you couId teII me for sure

if l could borrow Mom's car Saturday night?

Here's the deaI, Les-- first get your license, then we'll talk.

Dad: You want the broccoli?

Yes. You want the broccoli.

All right, what nice happened to who today?

What interesting news?

For your information, this is exactly what l ate

when l was pregnant with all of you. You turned out okay.

- Dad? - Yeah?

Did you, um, look at the brochure l gave you?

- You bet. - What'd you think?

Well, a $23,000 BMW for a 16-year-old kid

who's never had a job a day in his Iife?

l think it's a great idea.

Look, Dad, the car wouldn't only be for me.

l mean she can use it too.

Don't incIude me in your obsession.

Les, isn't it premature to be talking about getting a car?

You just finished your driver's ed course two hours ago.

Karl says that in America people are misled to believe

that a car represents freedom and individuality.

- Right. - When in essence,

it is more oppressive than anything else,

burdening the individuaI with such materialist costs as--

Wait, who cares what your commie boyfriend thinks?

l see it's great to be an American.

- l agree. - Yes.

This is the most oppressive environment a child could be raised in.

Natalie, one day soon it will all be over.

You'll go away.

All right, l'm out of here.

Hey, buddy, down!

Dean: Come on! Yo, Les, let's go!

Les, come on, get your butt down here!

Les!

Get down here, Les.

- Get out! - Out!

Right. l'll see you later.

Mom, what are you doing?

Wait. Duck down, duck down! Mom! Mom!

No, don't stop here. Go go.

ls something wrong with the car, Dean?

No, it's not the car, it's you. You're driving.

- Please just go. - All right.

Thanks, Mom. Drive safely.

Hey, dweebs! Does Mommy hold your dicks when you piss?

l'm sorry, Mom, l didn't introduce you. Those are my friends.

- Oh, okay. - We'll call. Good night, Mom.

Good night.

Thanks, Mom.

Good night, honey.

- lgnore him. - Bye, Mom!

- Be careful! - Hey, guys!

Hey hey, guys. Where are you going? Guys?

Hey, guys, it's me, Charles!

Oh baby.

Hey, do you ever wonder what kind of car

some of these babes would lose their virginity in?

You never cease to amaze me, Deano.

No, seriously. Okay, look at Cheryl Lieberman, for instance.

CharIes: A vw convertible.

Cheryl Lieberman? Trans Am.

Okay, Beth McLain.

Les: A Volvo. No, wait wait. A station wagon.

Okay, l got one for you-- Bonnie Dupa.

Les: A cargo van.

Charles: A garbage truck.

Mercedes.

Mercedes Lane.

Oh, l've bumped into her a million times.

She's never bumped into me once.

- Come here. - No, listen, you don't own me.

Women have rights in this country.

Not Iike Kuwait or Pakistan where they worship their men.

Mercedes, it has nothing to do with worship.

lt has to do with going to parties with kids.

l happen to go to school with these kids.

- l have friends here. - Friends, yes.

Friends, okay. But this-- this is children.

They can do nothing for you.

Mercedes, l'm beginning to, um...

uh, perspire.

Now, you know that l hate to perspire.

Now let us go, huh?

I think that I can find my own way home, thank you.

Don't do this, Mercedes.

And Paolo, if you're wondering about Saturday night,

l just remembered l already have a date.

You have a date? With who?

- With him. - With me?

Didn't we make arrangements?

Yeah, l-- l believe so.

But nothing was final.

Well, now they're final.

Ciao.

Hey, watch it!

Thanks.

l can't believe Brian dropped the baII.

Les, l have the answer.

Why don't you just ask her to make sure?

Look, I'd Iove to, CharIes, but l can't talk to something

I can't see, right? l mean, come on, guys.

Last night was the closest any of us have ever been to her.

Well, you're in luck, lover boy,

'cause she's sitting down right over there.

Wait, wait, Dean, l can't do it, man.

Go on, ask her.

lf you're lucky she'll bite.

Go for it!

Les!

Les?

Les, it's me, Papa.

Les, wait up.

Where you going?

Les.

Les, what's the matter?

ls there something wrong with having a father these days?

Dad, what are you doing here?

l had to run some errands for your mom after work

and l thought l'd stop by and take you driving.

l figure if you can handle this cruiser, you can handle anything.

What about Grandpa?

What about Grandpa? Who knows what he's doing with my car?

- Get in. - Yeah!

- Uh, Dad, here comes a stop sign. - Nice call.

That's a good one.

Why don't we make a right turn right here?

What?

Dad, l have to ask you for a favor and you can say no,

but I wiII never ever ask you for another favor as long as l live.

Les, you know that's a lie.

Okay, you see that girl over there walking?