Dimension 404

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A lost dimension, home to wonders unseen,

terrors unspeakable.

Stories unlike any ever told until now.

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We have reconnected to... Dimension 404.

Come on.

Hey, you know what?

Hey, there's no shame in expressing yourself

through movement, okay?

Could you delete that, please?

Hey!

Really?

All right, fine, I don't‐‐

Youth.

Now playing in "Dimension 404,"

a tale of terror, tragedy, and...

this guy.

Dustin Harland had bent to the beat of his own drum,

but tonight, this Gen X ronin

faces his greatest enemy: millennials.

Hearts will be broken, blood will be shed,

and it's all coming soon to a theater near you.

Okay, gotta go, Uncle Dusty's here.

Oh, uh, Dad wants to know if you found a new job yet.

My‐‐hey, you know, tell your father to‐‐

Not yet.

Gotta go, though, lots of drugs to smoke

before the show.

Yeah, we're meetin' my meth dealer at the theater!

All right, I love you too, bye.

‐Hey, hey. ‐Hi, he's such a dork.

Oh, well, you know, like father, like daughter.

Oh, and as king of the dorks, you would know.

'Tis a heavy crown I wear, m'lady,

but take heed, for one day, you may inherit my kingdom.

We're late, by the way, so can we stop riffing

and start driving?

Oh, whose fault is that?

And we cannot get going until we have the proper tunes.

I'm kinda feeling

"Wayne's World" soundtrack again, no?

Hm, I'm thinking something more... retro.

What, you love this!

I hate this song!

‐lt's your favorite! ‐Not since, like, the 7th grade!

Oh, wow, Chloe.

Oh, they grow up so fast.

All right, how 'bout we play a little Lordi?

It's pronounced "Lord."

I know that, I meant Lordi, the Norwegian death metal band.

Lordi is Finnish, not Norwegian.

See, there she is, there's my niece!

Yes, I was so afraid my yuppie brother

had turned you into a pod person.

All right, so, this is the first movie night

in many a moon, so because of that

I'm gonna let you, m'lady, choose tonight's feature.

Now, "Re‐Animator" is at The Rep.

Oh, and "Suspiria" is at The Independent.

Actually, um, I was thinking something

a little bit less retro.

Oh, God, are you joking?

Um, no.

"Chosen: The Final Saga"?

Yeah, it's the finale franchise semi‐reboot of the original.

But now‐‐it says "Part I."

Well, yeah, but they always split it into two, maybe three,

I can't remember.

Plus the lead's kinda cute.

"Kinda cute‐‐"

There is a treasure trove of cinematic treats

playing all over the city tonight

and you wanna go to some

teenybopper franchise churn‐'em‐out.

I don't know, I think it looks kinda fun.

Who‐‐who are you and what have you done with my niece?

Oh, come on, stop being a curmudgeon.

Let's go!

Tell me again why we're not seeing a real movie.

Hey, this place is state‐of‐the‐art.

They just got that cool new format.

Oh, what, Cinethrax?

What marketing wizard thought that one up?

Uh, Cineblog said that it's crazy intense.

Some guy at the first test screening went totally insane.

They had to roll him out in a wheelchair.

Oh, oh‐‐so some geriatric shits himself,

PR jumps all over it, they hype it up.

See, this is what they do, Chloe.

They get the cast of some cancelled CW show,

uh, they put a fresh coat of CGI on it,

get a fast food tie‐in‐‐

What‐‐what are you‐‐ what is that?

What are you doing, what are the little hieroglyphics?

Uh, they're called emojis, your majesty.

I know that, I just‐‐

God forbid people actually communicate

using real words.

Oh, they have one for you now.

Uh, it's a dog poop with a smiley face.

Oh, that's‐‐if it was me, it wouldn't be smiling.

Two for "Chosen: The Final Saga."

That'll be $57.

What a bargain!

Hey, um, my brother fronted you a little bit of‐‐

Hey, if you insist.

Two, please.

Theater 12.

Enjoy the show.

We'll try.

Jesus, what is this, is this a movie theater

or a cyborg art installation?

It's kinda rad.

This place used to show 35mm.

I saw the "Silent Running" here when I was your age.

God, what a shame.

What are you doing, you need those.

No, because I came with an ace up my sleeve.

Old Florida people glasses.

What, no, no.

The‐‐these are called shifters.

They take 3D and they flatten in out

into regular 2D.

And you just happen to have these on you at all times?

Well, Chloe, I always feared for the day

that you took me to a 3D movie.

I just didn't know it would happen so soon.

Here, I got you a pair.

It was two for one on Cyber Monday.

I'm not gonna wear these, I'm gonna look like a weirdo.

You‐‐but you're in a theater.

Uh, yeah, surrounded by people.

Surr‐‐

You're worried about what those people are gonna think?

I might.

Okay, let me level with you.

Are these gonna make you look weird?

Yes.

Are people gonna point, stare, laugh?

Maybe, maybe.

Should you care?

No, absolutely not.

Listen, Chloe, people are always gonna try to shame you

into some brainwashed version of normalcy, all right?

You can't.

All right, keep Chloe weird.

‐Fine. ‐Yeah!

Just don't post any pictures on Instagram.

Yeah, I don't think you have to worry about that.

‐Okay. ‐All right.

Well, I'll get the seats, you get the snacks.

‐That cool? ‐Yes, that is cool.

All right.

Let's rock and roll.

Rosemary scrambled quail eggs,

the tofu dog with mango aioli.

We also have a vegan sausage biscuit

with jalapeño chutney.

Popcorn.

Yeah, we got that.

Regular or jumbo?

Dude, jumbo.

His clothes are totally cash.

Can I help you young ones with something?

Are you sure you're in the right place?

Yeah, sure.

Well, the silent film theater's across the street.

Do you wanna go get a burger?

Oh, excuse me, sir.

I should get back.

Big night.

‐Catch you later, Chloe. ‐Later, Zach.

Popcorn?

Oh, sorry, maybe later.

Oh, well, you know, there's two amazing seats

up in the phantom center.

Yeah, yeah, I know, um,

but there's more space down here and I just‐‐

Space for what?

Hey, bitch, what's up?!

Oh my God, girl, what's up?

Oh my gosh, I totally saw you macking on Zach.

Just do him already.

Um, Uncle Dusty, these are my friends,

Brie and Alexis.

That's my Uncle Dusty.

Hey.

Yeah, we go way back.

Uh, just give me a second.

What is going on?

I thought movie night was our thing.

I haven't seen you in forever.

I know, I know,