Michael Palin: Around the World in 80 Days

Hello. Salaam Alekum.

- Do you speak English? - Yes.

- I have to get to the station. - OK.

You look around at Alexandria.

You are looking at the Corniche. You are looking at the biggest mosque.

- You are looking at the fish museum. - I am really looking to get to the station.

- How long will that take? - After we go to station. Two hour, one hour.

I have to be at the station in half an hour.

Good drive in Alexandria. You want to look around.

Antique towers in Egyptian.

After looking at the big mosque. The biggest mosque in Alexandria.

Maybe you just take me to the station. Next time I come i'll see the museums.

Getting to the station in Alexandria Isn't easy.

Alexandrian horses know no fear. They attack the traffic head on.

I feel like Ben Hur on the M1!

How fast can your horse go?

Two hour. You look around Alexandria, After to the train station.

No, i'll wear your horse out. What is your horse called?

Larry. Larry, an Egyptian horse.

Egyptian horse, is my name, Larry, English.

So you are all Larry?

Larry and Larry. How long have you had him?

- Four. - He's four?

How long has he been out on the streets, The grand prix circuit?

Four. My name Larry. Good driver in Alexandria.

I'm convinced by now that most animate Objects in Alexandria are called Larry

And the conversation is in a rut.

But amazing revelations are at hand.

- How many people can you take in here? - Six million.

- How many people? - Six million in here?

- How many can you get on here? - Six person.

- Six persons. - Six person.

- It's hard work. - Six person, one carriage.

This is the way to see Alexandria. I'll tell anybody that asks me.

I'll see, "See Ahmed For the best tour of Alexandria."

- Thank you. - Good. I'm Michael.

- Michael Caine. - Yeah, thank you.

With a whip-assisted lurch, long-suffering Larry turns off the Corniche,

Once an elegant promenade, Now crumbling gently, like Cannes with acne.

We pass the Cecil Hotel, whose guests Have included Laurence Durrell,

Winston Churchill and, in World War II, The British Secret Service.

The city of Alexandria has a continuing Fascination for literary Englishmen.

EM Forster worked here, Wrote a guide to the city

And, in 1918, fell in love With a tram driver.

Though I only have one morning To take it all in, I like Alexandria.

Not just because they've kept their trams, But the way the people are.

Faces show energy, curiosity, Pride and abundant good humour.

The faces are a unique mixture of Africa, Europe and the Middle East.

Under this benign cloud, I finally reach the handsome station,

Resolved to shed English inhibitions And become a part of Africa.

Cairo?

Cairo?

Cairo?

Cairo? OK, here we go.

Cairo.

- How many, sir? - One.

One way to Cairo.

- One? - Yes, one, just me, one way.

- Cairo? - Yes.

No one seems to have heard of Cairo.

It's only the capital! If they don't know Cairo, what do you ask for? New York?

I've got to go there? I've just come from there!

I shall walk to Cairo at this rate!

As if things weren't bad enough, someone Decides they don't like Passepartout.

Understandable really. I've told him before About staring at people.

Hello! I saw you before. You are trouble!

Cairo?

Railway stations don't intimidate travellers As airports do,

So they are wonderful places to watch life.

Here, technology co-exists With biblical scenes,

Levis, trainers, fezzes and jellabas,

Calls to prayer with station announcements.

It's all so different to the Europe I have just left.

There, life is problems to be solved,

Here, it's a series of limitations To be observed.

"Inshallah," they all say. "If Allah is willing."

My brief encounter with Alexandria Ends just six hours after it began.

However much I want to linger, I'm travelling against the clock

And the object is to get in and out of Egypt As quickly as possible,

Phileas Fogg went through it Without stopping by the Suez Canal.

No passenger ships do that nowadays,

Although I can get a ship from Suez Down the Red Sea to Jeddah.

But I can't sort it out until I get to Cairo, 221 kilometres away across the Nile Delta.

Um... Have you any milk?

No milk. Finished.

I see. Right.

I'll have it black, then.

As we roll across this fertile landscape And the life-giving River Nile,

There appears to be water everywhere.

It's hard to believe That 96% of this country is barren desert.

I'm just a traveller. I'm just going round the world.

I'm passing through Cairo. What should I do? I'm there at the weekend.

At home, you might go to a football match. Do they have football matches?

Yeah, today we have a very interesting Football match

Between National team, The best team in Egypt,

And Al Minya, a medium team.

Is this a match in the football league? You have a league?

Yeah, is football league.

You can show it. It is very interesting.

- They play today? - Yes.

How many people will there be in the crowd? Is it a big crowd?

Yes, very big. Maybe 80 or 90 thousand persons.

80,000 people In one football stadium sounds unlikely,

As everyone in Cairo seems to be On the streets in a motor car!

All Egyptian vehicles Seem to have been modified

So that both brake and accelerator Are directly attached to the horn.

Progress out to the stadium Is slow and noisy,

By the time I arrive, The game is well into the second half.

At least it's quieter here (!)

A hot Saturday afternoon, a modern stadium And I'm soon in the spirit of things,

Cheering on with the crowd!

Fortunately, a tolerant spectator Points out that I'm cheering the wrong team.

A foul of blatant proportions Livens up the game

And our patience is rewarded With a sending off.

The offender questions Whether it's Allah's will,

But every gesture has a familiarity, A hint of old England.

Though I arrived at the end of the game, My presence clearly spurs on Cairo,

Who score two goals in the last ten minutes To snatch vital points.

Just as well I came at that moment!

I helped the team!

Back across the Nile to the city centre To get a room for the night.

Eschewing the Hiltons, I plump for the classy Ring of something older, more dignified.

- Hello. - Hello, sir.

Do you have a room?

- Yes, sir. A single one? - Yes.

- Yes, we have. - You do? Marvellous.

Can you please write your name?

I'm not sure of the date of departure. I'll just put approximately.

There we are.

- Your room number is 16. - 16, thank you.

This is your key and your room Is on the second floor, sir.

Someone more familiar than myself with the City said they'd once asked for a quiet room,

Only to receive the incredulous reply, "In Cairo?"

Not that it matters.

At the end of a long and tiring day,

I'm just happy to have a bed and a hot bath.

Well... A bed, anyway.

The bar of the Hotel Windsor is one of The most bizarrely cosmopolitan i've seen.

Cocktails mixed by a Nubian Are served to smooth Egyptians

In an atmosphere of the Swiss Alps.

It was 91 degrees outside, but the wall Decorations act as a psychic cooling system.

Given this, the clientele are no surprise.

So, you're in the film business?

I am a director of photography For movie film.

- I am an actor and writer. - Ah, very nice to meet you!

Do you do television and films?

No, I work only for cinema.

Are there many films made in Egypt?

In Egypt we shoot in the year About... Er... 60-80 films in the year.

The whole production.

80 films a year is enough to fill someone In the British film industry with envy.

But if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!

OK, it is a deal.

Thank you.

I'll cancel the pyramids.

Hello? Hello, is that The... Egyptian Navigation Company?

Yes. The thing is, I am travelling to Jeddah...

The next day, and it's time To call round the shipping offices.

My onward connection from Jeddah Is leaving on Wednesday, Day 11.

I must find a connection from Suez As soon as possible.

It's leaving early?

It sounds as if I'm in luck.

Yes?

The... Algeria...

Yes?

That sounds fine. Can I make a reservation?

The Algeria leaves Suez Tomorrow morning, Day Nine,

So I have a day to kill in Cairo.

I feel itchy standing still, But travel shouldn't be too fast

To notice what is going on around you.

Hello. Can I have a tea, like that, please?

Thank you.

- Um... I didn't order this. - Oui.

No. Does this come with the tea?

I don't do this. I gave up smoking 20 years ago.

I really ought to try one.

Er... What do I do?

Mm, it's very pleasant.

This is very nice.

- Do you take it into your lungs? - No.

No, just into your...

Oh, I see, yeah. When you see The bubbles going... You're on your way.

Yeah.

It's very mild, isn't it? I always thought it would be fierce.

I thought you were all getting Out of your minds on these!

It's actually like...

Very early Craven A mixed With... (COUGHS)... Sheffield steel works!

A packet of 200, please.

Cinemas and their gaudy hand-painted signs Are everywhere in Cairo

And remind me I have an appointment to keep.

All I have to do is follow the instructions On the bit of paper given to me in the bar.

Mind you, the address of the film location Looks distinctly unpromising.

But it appears that Egyptian supermarkets Have everything, even film making!

- You know this is make up. - I know. I'm afraid this isn't.

I'm not wearing make up today. It suits you.

I know you are a much younger man Under there!

No, the pyramids are this afternoon. Ah, the director calls.

- You will go out of the lift. - Where?

- No, this lift. - Oh, over here. OK.

- And you will... Just pass. - OK. Tell me where you want me to stand.