Rosehaven

I just don't think in my life, I'm ever gonna do a drum solo.

- Spider check? - Always.

What are you going to do if you found one?

Set myself on fire. Drive off a cliff.

Oh, you know I'm in the car.

- What if it was a friendly one? - There are no friendly ones.

What if it was just coming down 'cause you had your tag sticking out?

It was coming to help? Like, "Hey, let me get

- "that for you, buddy. You look like a - No. No, don't,

- "tag dag. I just wanna help." - don't... talk about something else.

Talk about something else.

Do you want to talk about the house again?

You mean the house I'm going to sell?

It's pretty nice.

It's a great house on a great block of land

and the owner isn't asking too much. It's perfect.

I'm actually going to sell one before Mum gets back.

- You could sell this house. - What's that supposed to mean?

Well, I'm just saying someone with as little sales experience as you,

- but who is still super cool... - Thank you.

- could easily sell this place. - Mmm.

- Oh, I've already pre-written a text. - Mmm?

"Hi, Mum. Just made my first sale." That's it?

Yeah, well, that's the news.

This is better.

"Mum, I got an under-age girl pregnant.

"Just kidding, I sold a house!"

- What? - Well, it's like double good news.

It's like, "He did what?!"

"Oh, he was kidding. Phew! and he sold a house."

- Please don't send that. - I'm not gonna send it.

Okay. Well, just don't push anything that'd accidentally send it.

Now you're making me paranoid that I am gonna send it.

Well, just don't touch anything.

'Cause now I actually can't remember which button's back and

- which is send. Your phone is weird. - Well, just... don't touch anything.

- Is that one back or send? Can you... - You don't have to push anything. Just,

- take it away from me. No, you made me - No, no, no, don't push anything.

- worried that I'm gonna press it. How - I'm driving. Just, put your thumbs up!

- can I not push anything? - Just, put your thumbs up!

I'll put it down. My thumbs? What? Like...

- Like, now what? - Yes.

Hold it like that till we park.

_

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I don't think I could sell this house.

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I just uploaded the photos he sent.

What, was I supposed to check they were real?

- Yes! - They were photos of a house.

It's not like there was a unicorn out the front.

I know what you're going to say... I haven't mowed the lawns.

John...

this is the photo we've used on the website

and all of the marketing material.

What's the problem?

Well, did you doctor this photo?

No. No, my son did it.

He can also do memes, whatever they are.

Yeah, but, John, your house doesn't look like this.

Well, obviously.

Well, you can't do that. It's false advertising.

No, it's not. It-it-it's aspirational.

I mean, it's what the property could look like if you took the time to...

Take down the power lines.

Well, you know, that's just my son expressing himself.

- It looks real. - It's not.

Hey, your mum said it was a fixer-upper,

all right? I just wanted to show people, you know, what it'd look like fixed up.

- It's like serving suggestions. - Yeah, but it's a house.

It's not a frozen pizza.

Yeah, but more people will come this way.

Angry people.

I'll talk to them.

Oh! No, John, y-you shouldn't be at the open home.

Why?

It-it's never a good idea for the owner to be there. It's standard practice.

Yeah, but, you know, what if they've got questions for me, like...

Where's the mountain?

- 14. There's 14. - What?

- Spot the difference. - Oh.

Do you want me to rewrite that text to your mum?

You may have broken the law putting that photo up.

We. I did it from your computer.

Why didn't you use your computer?

- What? Yeah, it was sleeping. - You've got a computer.

- Damien, hi. - Yeah, hi.

- Hi, Emma. - How's it going?

Fine. Well, I mean...

no, yeah, fine. I'll say fine.

Did you go round there?

Yeah, I told John I could give the place a quick paint job or do the gardens.

It's really all I could do to pretty it up by tomorrow.

Okay, well, at least that's something.

Can't do it, though.

John won't let me touch anything unless I buy the place first.

Do you want to buy it?

No.

- Anything else I can do? - Kill me.

- No. Thank you, Damien. - Right. Bye.

Bye!

Maybe we could call one of those extreme makeover shows.

I think he likes you.

No, he doesn't.

Well, he could've just called. He didn't have to come in here.

He doesn't even like leaving his house.

He likes you.

Maybe he likes you.

- Probably. I'm a likeable guy. - Well, I hope you're happy together.

- We will be. - What's your favourite thing about him?

- Daniel... - His eyes.

Barbara's on the phone for you.

- Hi, Mum. - Daniel, what took you so long?

Just, uh... working hard.

- How are you? - Fine.

I've been in rehab all morning, yelling at my physio.

She's very handsy.

Yeah, I think that's their job.

Anyway, I'd better get back to work.

Do you have everything ready for the open home tomorrow?

- Yep. - Oh,

so you've moved the mountain, have you?

- I can explain that. - Can you?

'Cause it seems like you've ruined any chance we had of selling that property.

No, no, it's... it's like, um...

serving suggestions.

I've taken the images down and posted a message that it's cancelled.

I'll reschedule it when I'm back.

Well, Mu...

Love you.

She knows?

Yeah.

Does she think I did it?

You did do it.

Yeah, but does she think I did it?

She saw the website and she...

cancelled the open home.

Can't people have spinal surgery without checking their computers?

Well, something else'll come up.

She's not gonna give me another chance.

Do you... do you know how many houses I sold on the mainland?

Three?

No, z-zero.

I really thought I was gonna sell my first one.

Well, sell it, then.

- She cancelled the open home. - She cancelled it online.

The people who got our leaflets won't know that,

and it was in the paper. People might still turn up.

What, furious people when they don't see a...?

Is that a hedge maze?

I have two ideas.

What's your second idea?

Okay, well, when you're in a bad mood, what always cheers you up?

There's an interview with Bruce Lee

where he talks about honestly expressing oneself.

And when I watch it, I-I get inspired to do...

Free stuff!

You can't stay mad if you're getting free stuff.

Right.

In Melbourne once I was walking past this auction and they

had an ice cream stand and they were giving out free ice creams to anyone.

- And do you know what? - What?

I bought that house. Most expensive ice cream I've ever had.

- You didn't buy the house. - Uh?

No, but you can see how that could happen.

Em, it's pretty common practice to give stuff away at these things.

We just don't have any money for it.

Shops will donate stuff. Small town people are generous, right?

I guess we could say it's good exposure.

I mean, it's free advertising for them.

Well?

It's worth a shot.

Yay!

- To Bruce Lee, the greatest singer... - No.

- Guitarist... - Not music.

- Astronaut. Good guy. - Come on!

We're technically still at work.

_

Ready?

Okay, you take the shops on the left side of the street

- and I'll take the right. - Okay.

Does that help?

- What? - This.

- Is that how I look? - Sorry, Mrs Marsh.

- What does it do? - I don't know. I get nervous.

- It shakes off the nerves. - Oh, you'll be fine.

Just relax, speak confidently. Oh, I keep forgetting to ask you,

why doesn't anyone here talk like you do?

- What do you mean? - In Rosehaven. Like, in your hometown,

I thought everyone here would sound like you but they don't.

- Like your mum says "balls". - When did she say "bowls"?

Well, I don't know, but when she says it, she says "balls" and you don't.

Emma, I don't know what you're talking about.

- You have an accent. - No, I don't.

Say "balls".

- "Bowls". I said "bowls". - No, "balls".

You're not. Say, "It's wall to wall balls."

- Well, I would never have to say that. - Just say it.

It's woll to woll bowls.

What's that thing you put soup in?