Modern Family

Haley, your dad's on the phone.

He says it's urgent.

He's with a surgeon? I think he said "sturgeon."

Cam, is it "surgeon" or "sturgeon"?

I am ripping these stupid braces off the second I get home.

Phil, hold on. I'm gonna put you on speakerphone, okay?

Phil: Andy's on his way to propose to Beth!

We can't hear anything!

Just toss me the phone.

No! No, no. No, you're right.

We all have our strengths. I'm a great gift giver.

Here, cam. Oh.

Dad?

Haley, Andy's on his way to propose to Beth!

Aww!

That's very sweet! It's not sweet!

Haley and Andy love each other, but they don't know it!

Whoa. Is that true, honey?

Dad, what makes you think he's in love with me?

I could tell by the way he hugged you goodbye.

Phil, are you sure about this?

Claire, I think I know the look of love in another man's eyes.

This is crazy. Should I call him?

His phone's off, but he said he was going to the beach.

I know what beach he likes.

I thought you were the "beach" he likes.

Oh, God, there they are.

Should I do this? I shouldn't do this.

I'm gonna do this.

W... honey, honey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You got to be really sure of this.

You're gonna go over there and break them up for what?

To hang out or to date until the next guy comes along?

Who knows?

But shouldn't we get a chance to find out what we are?

I'm just saying look down the road a little.

You're 21, and that looks like a guy

who is ready to settle down.

Yeah. Well, um...

I guess it's decided for me. Yeah.

I feel like such an idiot.

No. Honey, no, no, no, no, no.

You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Oh, God! Here they come! Hide!

Just... oh...

oh, God. Oh.

Daddy looks tense.

He's just paying bills.

Is everything okay, honey?

Oh, you walked over here.

I just thought you Uber-ed everywhere.

Okay. Okay, I got to breathe.

That's still free, isn't it?

Mitchell, it's not that bad.

Really? Because I haven't worked in weeks.

I have no prospects.

We're living off of a gym teacher's salary,

and... And somehow I let you

talk me into buying the apartment upstairs.

What's going on? Are we poor?

No, while other daddy looks for a job,

I'm gonna be taking on some work

as a summertime driver's ed teacher.

How much can that pay?

Every little bit helps.

And besides, Mitchell, before you know it,

you're gonna be back in a stuffy office

with some stuffy lawyers,

wishing you had taken advantage of this time.

Am I right?

Well, that doesn't not sound like me.

Exactly, so why don't you take this chance...

...To do something fun, find a hobby?

You know, every time we go to a gallery, you always say,

"I could paint something that stupid."

Well, prove it.

You know what? I have. I've always wanted to paint.

And the place upstairs is gonna be a rental gold mine...

once we paint it, we furnish it, we fix the electric,

redo the plumbing,

and figure out why that brown spot won't stop growing.

It's growing?

Wow, did you two really just waste your entire day quilting?

We had a wonderful time, didn't we, sweetie?

I'm not crying anymore.

To help get her mind off of Andy,

Haley and I have been making a quilt

out of all her old clothes...

And some stuff I need Phil to stop wearing.

Oh, cool. That square is the same pattern as my kangol hat.

Can you believe how gorgeous it is outside?

And now it's gorgeous inside.

Because you're inside. Was that clear?

Hey, do you want to go quiz me on the periodic table?

Oxygen potassium.

Ohh, he used the elements to say "okay."

Oh, well, that was fun for me.

Mom, can we drink now?

Honey, it's lunchtime. Ohh.

That's a "yes."

Why do I feel like you're enjoying this?

What? Sad Haley needs her mommy again.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

I'm just helping her channel her broken heart

into something more positive.

Please, that's the saddest blanket since the aids quilt.

Haley's wallowing in self-pity, and you're feeding off of it.

You don't know what you're talking about.

Mom, I'm just gonna go take a nap.

Oh, sweetheart, do you want me to snuggle with you

till you fall asleep?

Okay, that's it. Pity party's over.

Time for some Dunphy fun. We are going to the movies.

When was the last time you showered?

What day is it?

We will wait.

I know you can't tell me, but that b. Willis jungle gym...

that's Bruce Willis, right?

His kid goes here?

Well, we do pride ourselves on privacy here at Davenport,

but, uh, you may have a "sixth sense" about this.

I'll be damned.

He looks like the kind of guy

you want to have a beer with, you know?

We have one educator for every four children...

I have a question.

Uh, I attend high school with one of your graduates,

a Theodore durkas.

Did you turn him into a monster, or was he always like that?

I actually remember Teddy durkas.

He was a lovely boy.

I'll give him your regards

next time he's making one of my nurples purple.

Ay, Joe, what did you do?!

Oh, it's not his fault.

These cubbies were donated by a former parent

who fancied himself a carpenter.

I can't say who, but it is ironic

that he couldn't use a hammer, and now we "can't touch this."

You keep saying you can't say, and then you say.

It's just nice to talk to adults.

Hey, we're sold. You want Joe? He's yours.

It was very smart of you to get a jump on next year.

Next year? What... what about this year?

Oh, uh, we enroll at least a year out.

And even then, there's a significant waiting list.

You're kidding. I'm sorry, Mr. pritchett.

Uh...

You could try the learnin' barn.

Ah, yes. That sounds very nice.

The learnin' barn sounds nice?

Yes, in my village, only the richest kids

were allowed to learn inside the barn.

Hope you guys like dinosaurs.

I got us tickets to "the second best exotic marigold hotel."

I know you're kidding,

but I found the first one incredibly moving.

I never realized how many people hold hands in malls.

And now that gays are legal or whatever,

it's basically everyone.

Oh, honey, I'll hold your hand. Come here.

Is that Dylan?

No. No, that's... that's definitely not Dylan.

Dylan!

Hello, Dunphy family!

What the what?

How you doing, buddy?

Life's a roller coaster, but I'm tall enough to ride.

True dat.

Haley, you look as yummy as ever.

Thanks. What's going on?

So, I'm designing t-shirts now,

and I'm trying to get the stores to sell them.

I'm wearing one.

"Lie"? "Live."

The neck is the "v."

Game changer.

Yeah, and I've got all these great "v" words.

"Love," "dove"...

leave..."Governor."

Wow, that is such a cool idea.

It's so good to see you.

Do you want to get some coffee sometime?

I'm not doing anything right now.

Uh, movie.

Nice try, but not all "v" words work, Mrs. D.

Have fun, you two.

"Hey, Dylan!"

Mitchell, are you aware

our daughter's eating a ketchup sandwich?

Good, she found something.

So, you didn't go grocery shopping today.

I am gonna go, but after yoga.

Hey... hey, you should come with me,

'cause you seem really tense.

Oh, well, maybe they have a five-minute class

I could sneak in between football camp and driver's ed?

No, I'm very proud of you and your grapefruit.

Chrysler building. Mitchell really embraced

this whole "take a little break" thing