Comet

-(BUTTON CLICKS) -(WHIRRING STOPS)

This is not a dream.

This is not a dream.

OK. OK.

This is not a dream.

This is not a dream.

This is not a dream. This is not a dream.

How did I get here? I don't know.

Some...somebody just transferred me here.

I don't want to give you my information again.

I just told someone five times.

Can one of you behave like a real person, please?

I'm calling about...

Right, yes. I'm her son.

What kind of cancer are we talking about?

Well, what are her options?

What about a liver transplant?

Why not?

Ask about her Child-Pugh score. Trust me.

What's her Child-Pugh score?

AB. Uh...

What about her bilirubin levels?

If they're low enough, they might consider yttrium-90.

Hold on. You know, you have really bad social skills.

Can you at least pretend to not listen to my conversation?

Nobody likes that guy. Don't be that guy. Eyes on the prize.

Yeah.

What about yttrium-90?

Her bilirubin levels are too high?

OK. Listen. I'm gonna get on a flight in the morning.

So I should be at the hospital by 3:00.

Butjust have her call me tonight, so I know I'm wanted.

Thanks.

- Fuck! -This is about your mom?

Yeah.

- How long are they giving her? -I don't know. A few years.

-L'm so sorry. -Yeah.

What are you doing?

I got to roll a joint before the meteor shower starts.

- Why? -What kind of question is that?

We're about to watch a fucking meteor shower. "Why?"

Oh, here. (CLEARS THROAT)

It's for when you apply to college in a few years.

USG me 8S a TGfGFGHCG.

You're a postdoctoral scientist at Tristana Pharmaceuticals.

- Yep. -So you already...

Oh, that cancer-y stuff. Yeah, I did.

Anyway, uh, I should be able to help you

get into top 10 pre-med in a few years.

What makes you think I want to go pre-med?

Well, other than the fact that you knew what yttrium-90 is

when most of your peers are still...battling to crack

the mysteries of parallel parking?

That's just because my mom...

Your mom died of liver cancer. Yeah. I know.

Your book bag has a cancer ribbon pinned to it.

It can only be a picture of your mom.

Fits the age range. You guys have the same nose bridge.

Makes sense you want to become a doctor that saves people.

Right? Make up for the doctor that couldn't save your mom.

You know, in time, those good intentions will fade

and become about the money, it always does,

and you become bitter, like everyone always becomes.

And then you die, probably from cancer.

You know, 'cause that's ironic.

-(SPITS) -ls something wrong with you?

Probably, yeah.

Don't worry. I'm working on it.

I just fired my therapist.

She was such an idiot, though.

She diagnosed me with

narcissistic personality disorder.

Said I'm under the grand delusion

that I'm the smartest person in the world.

To which I responded, "What if I really am?"

- You know? -Hey. Over here.

Watch out!

You OK?

You alright?

This...this doesn't feel real.

What?

I feel like my life just flashed before my eyes.

You know, like in a movie

where the main character dies in the beginning

but he keeps going, not realising he's dead.

Like, what's that movie I'm talking about?

You know what I mean. It's like...

- What is it'? lt...it's... -Oh, uh, sure. Uh...

Yeah, like Bruce Willis in 'The Sixth Sense'.

Exactly, yeah. Wait, no. You know what? I never saw that.

Shit. That's the twist that everyone was talking about?

Bruce Willis dies in the beginning of that? That sucks!

Oh, I really wanted to see that. Fuck!

Sorry. I guess I just thought everyone had seen it.

Oh, don't worry. No, I'm not that mad. No.

I mean, I am, but I'll get over it. Sorry.

That's a lie. I'll...

I'll probably harbour this for a few more months at least.

And then...you know, we'll see...see what happens.

That's cute. You have an eating problem?

No. Not like... I'm... Sorry. I shouldn't have said that.

Dude. Come on.

You do realise my date isn't the one

with the eating problem, right?

On. (CHUCKLES)

What? Uh-oh. Kimberly's annoyed.

Kimberly?

Kimberly?

Hey.

- How do you do that? -What?

I haven't seen you in a year when...

I was literally just thinking about you.

- Gosh. Really? -Yeah, because of that song.

I was listening to it as I was walking here,

and it reminded me of the hotel.

The one we stayed at for my friend's wedding in Paris.

Yeah, yeah. Paris. The City of Lights.

And pretension, as I recall.

We had one of our biggest fights.

And that was your friend's wedding from Wisconsin, right?

What was her name? Lenora or Leonora?

- Sarah? Right. -Right. I remember that wedding.

I remember that was the one where the DJ

played that Montell Jordan song twice.

Remember, the first time, we thought it was ironic,

and then we realised he just liked the song.

Definitely our biggest fight.

The beginning of the end, really.

Yeah. Yeah.

Look, it's like the Beatles, right?

I mean, I liked them when lwas five.

But at a certain point, you just want something

with a little more nuance, you know?

Don't get me wrong - I could handle them a little better

when they had Pete Best to ground them,

but past that, I don't know - they just got so...pedestrian.

- Do you come here a lot? -Do I come to the cemetery?

I like cemeteries, you know.

They're romantic. Especially this one.

Soccer is by far the most elegant sport.

It's gonna overtake football in America in the next two years.

Oh, God. Really? Two years?

A friend of mine described it perfectly.

Clock's ticking.

He blogs, "Soccer's...

-"Soccer's chess on the field." -Oh.

Do you have any vomit bags in there?

I guess we could just throw... I'd hate to throw up at a grave.

Why didn't you just go to the Griffith Park Observatory, then,

to watch the meteor shower?

Well, they have assholes there too. Trust me.

And there are assholes all over this city,

but rarely do you get to be next to one so spectacular.

Only knock on him, I have to say, he's from New York.

I can't stand that place. Seriously. It's so overrated.

Why, because of all the bridges and the culture

and the history they have?

Who needs it? I'll take Orlando any day.

They got so many more TGI Fridays.

That's why I love L.A. Los Angeles is just more...

- Oh, no. -Modern.

There's a relevancy about it. New York doesn't have any...

Kimberly, I was wondering if I could have your number.

- What? -Your phone number.

Dude.

She's with me.

No.

Uh, yeah. She is.

No, she's not. Not yet anyway.

At best, this is a first date,

and I'm shocked that that even happened.

I have nothing against you. You might not be a bad guy.

Most likely, but maybe not. You're incredibly handsome.

You were probably very handsome when you were a kid too.

I think that explains your lack of substance and personality.

Only because nobody's ever really challenged you before.

So now as an adult, you think everything you say

means something, but it means nothing, actually.

You don't know what you're talking about, it's upsetting,

and I think she probably sees through that.

You're very pretty, but you're shallow beyond belief.

Anyway, can I have your number?

- OK. OK. -What are you doing?

You just said all that shit.

Yeah, but it was just an observation.

And you ask my girl out in front of me?

Shit. Sorry. My mistake. I see that now.

I shouldn't have done that. She's way too beautiful.

- What? -I should be more of a realist.

I should know I'm a C, maybe a C+ in winter,

when I can cover up my body more.

Even though you're a douchebag, you're incredibly attractive,

so maybe it's only fair you two pair.

What? It rhymed.

She's right. It rhymed. Alright. Let's...

Can you just put me down? This is...

This is embarrassing now for everyone.

OK. Come on, Josh. The line's moving. Let's just go.

Come on. -Wanna get a good seat.

The only thing wrong with you is you're a chickenshit.