Rodney Dangerfield's The Really Big Show

- Hi. - Hi.

This is a nice spread you have here.

- Thank you. - Look at all this cheese.

You even got the weird ball-shaped one

with the nuts in it, okay.

Don't mind if I do.

Uh, do you mind

taking one from the middle?

It's in a star shape.

Oh, damn, well, let me fix this up.

Oh, wait.

Now you've just touched all of them.

All right, stepping away from the table.

- I can take a hint. - I appreciate it.

- I'm Andre, by the way. - I'm Sarah.

Sorry for messing up your star thing there.

Sorry for being so OCD.

It's all good. Is this your first open house?

- No, I've done a few. - Huh.

But it is my first one alone. Why?

I mean, your preparation is just very elaborate.

You know, you got your red, your white, your rosé.

What are the nondrinkers supposed to have?

Oh, I didn't think about that.

I guess they'll just have to have...

- O'Doul's. - Okay.

Okay, you got this whole snack thing on lock.

So tell me about the house.

My client, he's...

a divorced dad who likes to feel cool

by talking to me about hip-hop.

If you were gonna sell him on this house,

how would you do it?

One, two, three, go.

This is your chance to put your stamp

on a beautiful mid-century split-level

in a peaceful bedroom community.

So it's old, it needs a lot of work,

and your commute's gonna suck.

Well, you know that, but your old white guy client doesn't.

Who said he was old and white?

That's racist and ageist.

Loves to talk to a young black man about hip-hop.

Sounds like an old white guy to me.

Okay, I won't tell you his race.

But his name...

is William Davenport III.

Ah, Latino.

No, seriously, though, the one thing you'll learn

after being in this awhile is that

all it takes is that one buyer to make a sale, you know?

Some maniac who loves crackers

could just walk in here tomorrow

and buy the whole place.

Oh, I just thought more people would show up.

Well, it's not totally your fault.

This isn't exactly anyone's dream house.

And it doesn't help

that it's next to that creepy neighborhood

that got closed down because of mold.

Is that what happened over there?

- I think so. - Wow.

You think they're ever gonna open those houses again?

I don't know. It's been a long time.

Huh. Oh, shit, speaking of time.

Oh, damn, it's getting late.

Um, it was very nice to meet you,

but I have to bail.

Great, just leave me alone

in the mold-adjacent murder house.

How about this?

For a glass of your rosé,

I stay and keep you company until the next broker comes.

That's very nice of you.

Actually, it might be a while. Maybe I'll join you.

That sounds even better.

Just one glass.

Little refill for you there.

- Merci. - De nada.

And...

And our tour continues in the kitchen,

which features a built-in cutting board

with three big-ass holes in it for some reason.

And guess what this switch turns on.

- Overhead light. - Nope.

- Garbage disposal. - What?

That's crazy.

And...and... how about this one?

It's got to be the overhead light.

Who designed this shit?

Believe it or not, that's actually not

the dumbest part of the house.

Really?

What's the dumbest part of the house?

I present to you a cupboard conveniently located

ten feet in the air.

What the fuck? Why would they do that?

It's impossible to reach.

What do you think's in it?

I don't know.

Okay, this is weird,

but I'm a little nervous right now.

I know. Me too.

Okay.

Here we go.

- Oh, wow. - What is it?

- It's a music box. - Really?

Yeah.

It says something on it.

"For Adeline, my love."

Oh, my God.

- It's crazy, right? - How old do you think it is?

I don't know. Let's check it out.

I'm fucking with you. It's a box of nails.

God damn it.

God damn it.

You suck.

It was worth it to see the look on your face, though.

I'm sorry. I can't.

What's wrong?

I thought there was something going on between us.

I'm engaged.

I'm sorry. I...

Well, you're not wearing a ring, so...

Yeah, I don't have one yet.

My fiancé is in between jobs,

so he just needs a little extra time.

He got me a Ring Pop. It was cute.

Yeah, that's... that's cute.

I think I just got a little drunk.

Yeah, me too.

I should probably just go.

Hey, uh, I didn't do a good job explaining earlier.

I don't want you to think Craig's, like,

a loser or anything.

He could have gotten me a ring.

He just wants to get me a really nice one.

Of course.

You're not with anyone, right?

No, I just, uh...

I just got out of a two-year thing.

What happened?

She was just kind of ready to get serious,

and I just wasn't there.

And then I didn't want to go to her friend's play,

so she sent me the middle finger emoji.

And yeah, that was it.

But I ain't mad about it or nothing, you know?

I just feel like maybe the "together forever" thing

ain't really for me, you know?

Wow, what a hot take for a man to have.

I have never heard that from a guy in his 20s.

I just turned 30.

I'm very mature now.

I had my birthday party at a wine bar.

After we went to go see a movie.

About the X-Men.

Well, sorry to hear about your breakup.

But I get where she's coming from.

I mean, I just turned 30 also, and I just felt like,

well, I need to start the process.

The process?

What, are you undergoing chemo?

I want a family.

And women have less time, so I made it happen

and I got myself a Ring Pop.

Hmm.

I get where you're coming from.

But I don't even really know

if I believe in marriage as a concept.

Doesn't it seem, like, a little antiquated?

Like, things change. People change.

Then you want something different.

Then you're stuck with somebody who's not even right for you.

Like my parents, for instance.

- They split up? - No, worse.

They stayed together.

And now they fucking hate each other.

You know, and they're both really dope people.

They're just not good for each other.

I really believe that if they would have just bailed earlier,

they would both be happy.

I don't know your parents, but I think

if you're with someone you love,

you got to fight for it.

You can't give up.

Because in the end, don't you want someone

on the other side of the door

waiting for you when you come home?

People aren't meant to be alone.

I feel you, but I'm not alone.

I got my friend Charles, who's funny as hell,

and his apartment complex has a Jacuzzi.

It's lit.

Look, I'd love to stay and argue with you

about the merits of marriage as an institution,

but...

honestly, this is one of those big-ass questions

that we don't really have the answer to.

I don't know.