Clown in a Cornfield

Hey, come on, I thought we were gonna get high.

Yeah, we can get high later.

Jessica...

Jessica, what...

It's not funny.

Jesus Christ, Jessica,

what fucking size shoe do you have?

Hey, come on.

Jess?

Oh, no, did you get high already?

Run...

Aah!

What the fu...

Oh, please God, Dad, no more '80s rap.

-It's dope. -You do realize

that the '80s are as far away from me

as the '40s were to you, right?

What? That is not true.

Do the math.

Shit.

Oh, well, uh, we're here.

Wow.

It's, uh...

It's big.

The town's previous doctor used to live here

before he moved away.

You sure he didn't die in here?

Yeah, it doesn't...

smell great.

I think we'll just crack a window, it'll be fine.

There's... no cell service.

What?

No, no, no, that's not...

I told them.

Come on.

Did you even look at this place before you bought it, Dad?

I...

Okay, Quinn, look,

I wasn't in town for a very long, they...

Careful.

Fuck!

Good to go, Doc.

Just get that chimney capped.

Okay, yeah, great. Thank you.

M... morning, Dad.

Uh, hey, morning, Quinn.

Are you good?

Hmm?

Yeah. I'm-I'm great.

How are you?

Oh, uh, yeah.

Good.

Good.

We're gonna be okay.

Are you sure?

Yeah, are you kidding me? Look at this place.

It looks like a home makeover dream come true.

Hey, it's your first day, let me drive you to school.

Dad, I am 17 years old.

I don't need a ride, I need a car.

I hear you, absolutely, but in the meantime...

I'm just going to walk.

Okay.

Uh, sorry about breakfast.

I'll, um, I'll get groceries after work.

Okay, do you think Wi-Fi might be more important?

Yes, I hear you.

I will get on that.

Have a great day at school.

Make new friends. -Not a chance.

Oh, hi.

Sorry, didn't mean to scare ya.

I saw you were new to the neighborhood, and I...

Ow! Uh, sorry.

Hey, uh, is everything all right?

Oh, yeah.

Sorry, it's just a neighbor.

Ruston Vance,

but everyone around here just calls me "Rust."

Oh, I'm Dr. Maybrook.

This is my daughter, Quinn.

Uh, she's about to head off to school.

Do you want to walk her?

That's exactly why I'm here, sir.

Okay, cool. Let's do it.

So, what do you guys do around here for fun?

Oh, um,

I might not be the best person to ask.

I mean, the hunting and fishing's good,

if you like that sort of thing.

Ducks are in season.

Shit.

What?

The look on your face.

I...

I guess I'm not doing any good for stereotypes.

Oh, no.

Not everyone's a redneck here.

I just don't really care what other people think...

Unlike some people.

So I guess I'll see you around.

It was nice meeting you, Quinn.

Yeah, thanks, dude.

Oh, and, uh,

be careful who you hang out with.

There's some real weirdos at this school.

Okey-dokey, Rust.

Thank you.

I will keep an eye out for 'em.

Just because it's Founder's Day tomorrow

doesn't mean that there won't be a test on Monday.

Listen, you kids are spoiled rotten.

Back when I was in school,

we had it a lot tougher than you do.

Hi.

Sorry, I'm...

Late.

Take a seat.

Okay.

As I was saying,

you kids are graduating this year, and...

I'm graduating?

Sick, man.

Assuming you manage to land a job,

which for some of you, might be a long shot,

what do you think happens on Monday morning every week?

You go to work,

and work is neither easy nor fun.

In fact, sometimes it can be downright miserable.

Okay, this is not funny.

Who did this?

Nobody.

All right.

Well, clear your desks.

We'll do the test now.

Brought this on yourselves.

It's time your generation learned some consequences.

Uh, Mr. Vern, that's not fair to the new girl.

Well, that's the price of being late.

Oh, they put the wrong room number on my schedule, so...

You know what? Detention for you.

What?

Anyone else?

Come on, chill, she didn't actually do anything.

Oh, well, then you can console her

this afternoon, Mr. Hill.

In detention.

-Really? -Mm.

Wow, you're on fire today, Mr. Vern.

Try me. Anyone else?

What is so funny?

This isn't the test, Mr. Vern.

Of course it's the test.

Actually, I think it's your dating profile.

If one of these leaves this room,

you will all be suspended.

I will end you!

Okay, he is actually losing his mind.

...participation trophy generation...

Already 3,000 views.

Wow, his meltdown is a hit.

Man, I'm still trying to figure out what I did.

Ugh, he's just a bitter old man.

He hates us,

and so we hate him back, only more.

It's fun.

I'm Janet, by the way,

and that's Ronnie, Tucker, Matt, and...

I'm Cole.

I'm Quinn.

Where are you from?

Philly, actually.

-Philly. -Yeah.

My dad got put in Witness Protection Program,

so we're just laying low for a little while.

I'm kidding, obviously.

So, is Kettle Springs

everything you expected it to be?

Man, it looks like it's stuck in the '90s.

It still is the '90s for everyone over 30.

Yeah, they're really big on tradition around here.

Yeah, Founder's Day, right?

I keep seeing that, what is that?

That is a stupid holiday my family invented

to celebrate corn.

His dad is the local oligarch.

My great-grandfather invented Baypen corn syrup,

like, a hundred years ago.

Whoa.

Every year, there's this parade