Glee

So here's what's you missed Kurt pulled

a last-minute switcheroo for Carmen Tibideaux

and nailed his NYADA audition, while Rachel

tried her old "Don't Rain on My Parade" standby

which we've all heard now, like, a bajillion times,

and she totally choked.

Bieste admitted that her husband Cooter hit her,

but she lied and said she left him, when actually, she stayed.

Puck isn't graduating, which he pretends not to care about...

I'm too stupid. but a while back, he told everybody

that graduating high school was something

he was really looking forward to.

The Glee Club's been ignoring Tina all year long.

Tina won't mind being recast. No, she won't.

Actually, she kind of got ignored last year, too.

Actually, Tina's sort of been ignored the whole time

and she's been in the New Directions!

since, like forever.

The first time she got a solo, she insisted she was bad

and forced Mr. Shue to give the song to Rachel,

and ever solo since, she's either gotten booed

or started crying uncontrollably.

No one noticed that she went from dressing punk

to dressing Goth to dressing like a go-go dancer

in '60s Swinging London.

She even got Mike Chang into college,

and she hardly got a thank you.

Sometimes people don't even seem to know her name.

Girl Chang... Tina Blowin' Wang...

Asian Horror Movie!

And that's what you missed on Glee.

Porcelain, Weezy, you created a monster.

They're calling Jessie St. James a visionary,

and lauding Vocal Adrenaline

for their ongoing commitment to diversity.

But Jessie St. James was against Unique performing

as his true magical self.

No, we were the ones who convinced him to do that.

Well, then, you only have yourselves to blame.

And the liberal media.

Not really. It was your idea.

I have no memory of that.

In any case, Unique is now

a show choir celebrity.

He/She will trounce us at Nationals,

and I will lose my Cheerios! to Coach Roz Washington.

I will not let that happen.

We have but one choice left to us:

It's time to fight fire

with the flaming flames of additional flamey gay fire.

Porcelain, you will wear this flapper dress

and perform at Nationals as Porcelina.

You already have the lady gait and the lady voice,

and you'll have to start smoking, though,

because this dress is a size two.

Okay, just because I'm gay does not mean

I like to dress up like a woman.

Oh, come on.

What about Halloween, Kurt?

Trick or treat! Ba-da bing!

Ay, what's a guy gotta do

to get a candy situation up in here, huh?

Okay, that was a Halloween costume,

and it is a far cry from starting out on the stage at Nationals in a dress.

Which is absolutely out of the question.

Well, then, the New Directions! will lose.

Hate to say it, kiddo,

but if we want to beat Vocal Adrenaline at Nationals,

it's tuckin' time.

You've reaed the office of Carmen Tibideaux,

Dean of Vocal Performance, at the New York Academy

of Dramatic Arts.

Please leave a message after the tone.

Hi, Madame Tibideaux, this is Rachel Berry calling.

I understand that 14 messages is a lot,

but I just wanted to make sure

that you got the muffin basket that I sent

as well as the invitation to come and see my show choir

perform at our Nationals in Chicago.

Every year, the judges give out an award for an MVP,

and I would really love it

if you could be there to watch me win.

If anything, just to show you

that what happened at my audition was a fluke

and that I do have the talent and the ability

to study with you next year at NYADA.

I... I understand that asking you to make the trip is a lot,

but I'm just... I'm really not ready

to give up on my dream, so...

Thank you very much.

Nationals.

Okay, song selection:

We'll be kicking off our "Vintage" theme

with the legendary Jim Steinman's

"Paradise by the Dashboard Light."

Rachel will do the solo, "It's All Com..."

"...Coming Back to Me Now."

One of Celine Dion's most powerful ballads,

inspired by Wuthering Heights.

And we'll be working in a new Treble Tones number,

utilizing the talents of our featured performer,

Porcelina Hummel.

Not gonna happen, Dragon Lady.

Oh, you'll do as you're told, he/she.

We will be performing

"What A Feeling," from Flashdance,

and I'm familiar with the choreography, of course,

because I was Jennifer Beals' dance double.

And on that note,

please look under your seats.

Space helmets.

Welding helmets and leg warmers?!

Best way to get props is to use props.

I am your father.

Uh, Darth Vader.

Is that a movie?

A healthy dose of props,

and our plucky transsexual Porcelina,

and you are over the top.

Aren't props a little cheesy?

Guys, I've asked for Sue's help because she's a winner,

and I'm not ashamed to admit this... I want to win.

But there's not one person in that audience

who will think we're anything but underdogs

who would be lucky to place in Nationals.

We didn't even make the top ten last year.

We've got one last week to come together and shake things up.

If there's anyone here who is not up for trying

and working their butts off,

you should just get up right now and leave.

Whoa, whoa, Tina, where you going?

You guys don't need me... carry on.

Tina, you don't understand. I need this.

Because you blew an audition?

That's not a reason for you

to get a solo at Nationals.

Maybe the rest of us would like one, too.

I wouldn't mind another one

before I get deported.

I want one. Even though I can't sing.

Tina, Rachel is a senior.

So are you, but you can bet

the only thing you'll be doing

is a dance break with Brittany.

Other people matter.

Tina, you may not always get all the solos,

but you are a key player.

I put you in charge of costumes.

Wow! Like that's some prize.

You want props to move around?

Well, I'm a human prop, and I'm sick of it!

Take a lap and cool down, Asian Number One.

My name is Tina.

Tina Cohen Chang!

Isn't she the one who used to stutter?

You're being selfish.

How come when Rachel complains

about not getting enough solos,

she's "claiming her stardom,"

but when I do it, it's selfish.

You're a junior.

You'll get your change next year.

This is the seniors' moment to shine.

I'm really disappointed in you.

Tina, look, I understand that you feel like

your voice is being stifled right now, in the Glee Club.

I mean, I have no idea why you would choose

this moment specifically to make a stink about it

but I want you to know that you are being heard.

Which is why I'm willing to offer you $50

just to let this all go until after Nationals.

Do you have any idea how important Nationals is to me?

I mean, if I can convince Carmen Tibideaux

to come and watch us perform,