Bad Investigate

What...

- Do you see? Do you see? - What are you talking about?

Don't you start with the gym talk again!

This guy must weigh about 200 pounds, man, and he's still faster than you!

It's the shoes.

The insoles heat up my feet. My feet get hot and pull me back.

They pull you back... If it weren't for Fart, man...

Here you go, don't waste it all on powder.

The Fart has saved Planet Earth!

Hey! Who's going to pay the damage?

Who's going to do what, man?

Pay the damage...

Listen up, buffoon, don't you like freedom?

Wearing a carnation?

Singing, what do you call it, "Grândola, Vila Morena"?

I don't understand...

- You don't understand? - This young man is saying that

today we just took another criminal off the streets,

so that you can enjoy freedom!

And, yeah, so that people can still enjoy coffee with milk and a croissant

in your terrace.

Be good! Be good!

Damn it!

This is Alex.

And here is Cid.

They're not cops, they're not criminals,

and they're not trustworthy.

To tell you the truth, no one knows what it is that they do.

Today, they might be chasing a drug dealer.

Tomorrow, an unfaithful husband.

Money is money, and many make a lot of it.

One day, they're vigilantes; the other, they're detectives.

They enforce the law in the morning, and at night...

... they crap on it.

- Hello Xavier! - Where's the car?

It's over there!

Now, are you awake? Hurry up!

Cidalio!

Cidalio!

Get up, you lazy bones!

- Did you see the time... - You got home last night?

Did you?

All you do is come home, sleep, eat, and go out again.

You know you've got a family, don't you?

- My pension can't cover it all! - You spend days away from home.

- You're up to no good, mister. - You always get home very late.

- Yes, you are... - What about me?

- I'm your mother. - I'm here all by myself!

- A mother can feel. - Is that it?

Can sense these things!

You're not fooling me.

My dear...

You should find a job, find a nice girl...

I'm sure there's another broad!

I just hope I won't have to bring you rissoles in prison, someday.

- Weren't you trying to quit smoking? - It's my mum, man, the old bag...

She's fucking with my head. She's f...

... eating! Hi little one!

My mum eats her son's head, can you imagine?

I didn't know she was here.

Your problem, Cid, is that Florinda wants grandchildren,

and the only thing you take home is weed and rolling paper.

Okay, I'm rushing to get a broad...

I've got one and I even wear a tracksuit every Sunday.

Alright, but you read "Hello!" and care about global warming.

I think it's about time you decided what you want to do with your life.

I'm turning off radio Renascença, can't stand listening to it every day.

Can I switch to a different station?

Fuck... face it... Face it, and go annoy someone else!

Jesus Christ! Your daughter's teacher! What a fox!

Wait a minute, let me talk to her.

- What happened? - Hit on someone else, man!

You keep on going on that I have to get a broad...

What's wrong with her? Why can't it be her?

You'll hit on her, dump her, she'll stay home crying,

and then I won't have anywhere to drop the kid!

You think I treat broads like merchandise!

Okay, let's talk about your relationship with the broads,

and then you're going to tell me that you're a romantic!

Romantic like "I love you and I want to have children with you"?

Not like that! I don't see things that way!

I'm 35, Alex, I've had many pussies,

but I never promised to take any of them down the aisle.

Ever!

I have a lot of respect for women, you know? I really respect them!

A woman can also be looking for the same things as me.

I want a woman... What do I want? I want a woman...

... who takes pride in herself, who is pretty,

who takes care of herself and the house, of course,

who can cook, is a good mum, and good in bed...

That's what you want, the problem is that they want different things.

They don't want to hear: "Take this broom and be happy!"

- Cut the crap, Alex! - Add ironing and anal sex to the list.

Who said that it wasn't on the list?

I knew it! I knew you'd react like this, you know why?

You're prejudiced! I know you. You've got rocks in your head...

Oh, he wants a girl who takes it up the arse!

- Isn't that what you just said? - Alex, did you know...?

Statistics... Don't be ignorant!

You knew that only one out of a thousand women likes it up the...

Wait a minute. Where did you read that shit?

- On Facebook? - A thousand!

A thousand, Alex! Imagine you've got a thousand... oysters.

You've got a thousand oysters. In those thousand oysters...

You're going to open all the oysters, and only one has that little pearl.

It likes taking it up... It's not just liking it up the arse!

It's what it means!

What it means.

- And what does it mean? - It means that she's special.

She's special, she's willing to explore every limit,

overcome every limit set by society. She's open to new experiences.

She doesn't carry rocks in her head like you, you're prejudiced.

Wait. Okay, let's take a look at things.

It's like this. Imagine you've got a wife.

A pretty one, who knows how to dress well, a good housewife.

Good in bed... The full package!

But she doesn't like the pearl up her arse...

It's not worth it, man!

- Come on, tell me! - It's not worth it.

I'm trying to explain, but you only see it your way. Why do I bother?

That's all very nice, man, but the truth is that...

Who is it?

- Hello! - Where are you?

- I need to speak to you. - Now?

I can't right now. I'm about to have a meeting.

Can't it be after dinner?

Alright! Two ducks in the park and try to be on time!

No one is indifferent to Deputy Superintendent Romeu.

No cop looks more like a burglar than him.

He's always afraid that someone might be listening to his calls,

so he'll use words like "two ducks" to mean twenty-two (10 pm).

Today, he's Deputy Superintendent, as he hasn't made Superintendent yet.

But he wants more! So much more!

And the law isn't going to stop him.

What more do you want? A lingering kiss on the judge's arse?

Those bastards go in and they're out in a few hours taking a free meal!

- You know what I think about that. - Listen...

It happened yesterday, indications from above.

A few more stamps and paperwork...

I don't have cops on the street, I've got secretaries with a moustache.

And now it's a nightmare with the bloody budget cuts!

But what's going on? What did you want to talk to me about?

Silva, you're superintendent, I'm deputy superintendent.

Do you see it? Deputy Superintendent.

It's horrible! It sounds awful.

I don't like being deputy. Being deputy bothers me.

I don't want to be deputy anymore.

It's not my job to appoint people for the ranks.

I know that! But I need your help to get the attention of the guys upstairs.

- And how can I help you to do that? - I don't know...

All I know is that Romeu must be on the news, on the TV news...

Romeu must pop up on a large screen, so they'll remember Romeu.

I really don't see how I can help you.

You don't see it?

You don't see it because you're not closing your eyes and imagining it.

I've had my eyes closed for a long time now, Silva.

Like that time you were caught in a party with drugs and whores...

We've already talked about this, man! It was a mistake.

You know that you can count on me, but what you're asking is very hard.

Everyone thinks that I'm a lady. But I'm actually a whore.

It's how I feel, anyway.

He comes home, eats dinner, goes to sleep, and goes back to work.

- What does he do? - He's an attorney.

He works in criminal law.

An attorney. That's worse than the devil!

We should consider that if he's an attorney,

he might know someone in the police force.

He knows cops, robbers... He knows every scum in society.

I'm thirsty. Can I get you anything?

- I'd like a beer, thank you. - I'd prefer a cup of tea.

Sure.

Listen, if you would get me some cookies...

I need a tip.

I need a major arrest.

I want flashes on my face.

Microphones that look like lollypops...

To see if they'll get rid of the stupid deputy.

If I help you to get rid of the deputy, I want my mistake to go away.

- I want it gone for good. - That's all Romeu needs.

And if you give Romeu what he needs, many kids will be happy.

I'll see what I can do.

And how's your daughter? Is she still a lesbian?

What made you suspect that your husband was cheating on you?

There have been many signs. Too many to say here.

But the most obvious one is that he stopped wanting me.

When you say "he stopped wanting me", you're talking about sex.

I thought that was obvious.

In our job, we deal with facts, so when you're saying

that he stopped wanting you, you're not being very specific.

He's not fucking me!

- Is that better? - It's better.

- And are you prepared for the truth? - What truth?

Hello, darling!

Yes. Yes. Is your day also going well?

Don't worry.

I'll give it... I'll leave it there.

Sweet kisses.

Lying son of a bitch!

As I was saying, some of our clients aren't prepared for the truth.

Truth? What truth? That he's two-faced?