The Righteous Gemstones

I baptize you in Jesus's name.

I baptize you in the name of...

I baptize you in the name of Jesus Christ.

Welcome, friend.

I baptize you in the name of Jesus Christ.

-God bless. God bless. -I baptize you...

Next.

In Jesus's name.

See? There you go.

Everybody in your line keeps getting water up their nose.

You're dipping them back too far.

- How about you do it your way, and I'll do it mine?

How about you do it right? How about that, huh?

-Okay. -Watch this. Get over here.

I baptize you in the name of Jesus Christ.

Smooth movements. Do you get that?

You see how that works? -Oh, really?

-Yeah. -Oh, really?

"Smooth movements"? -Nobody's coughing.

No water's coming out of nobody's nose.

Did you just splash me?

- No. I don't know who splash-- - You splashing me?

I don't know who splashed you.

-Do it again. See what I do. -It wasn't--

Y'all stop that.

Stop that guffing and keep these lines moving.

Tell him. He's the one splashing people.

I'm not splashing nobody.

Long Wei, we got a bogey over here.

Please tell him no photographs during the ceremony.

- -I'll leave right now...

-Get him outta here, Long Wei. -You can take my picture.

If they're not gonna follow orders.

What the hell was that?

I think somebody turned on the waves.

Damn it. Tell them to turn it off.

Long Wei! How do you say "Shut it down"?

Guan.

-Wan! -Wan!

-Wan! -Wan!

Oh, jeez.

-Wan! -Wan!

No!

No!

Here they come.

Thank you, young lady.

Ni hao, Daddy.

That means "hello" in Chinese.

I studied so much

even though I wasn't allowed to go with y'all.

That's wonderful, baby doll.

Welcome back. How was China?

Hell of a long ride.

- 5,000 people baptized. Sounds like a success to me.

Yeah.

How was China for you boys?

I wouldn't know,

'cause I was stuck here, being a secretary.

Oh, here we go.

- I'm a Gemstone, too, Jesse. I wanna do things too.

Why does Daddy always overlook me, huh?

- Come on; Don't get your panties in a bunch, sis.

Flying around on private planes,

being leaders-- that's men's business.

I could do it.

I'm more of a man than Kelvin is.

Well, I ain't gonna argue with you there.

Don't turn this around on me.

I got to go to China. She didn't.

I'm definitely more of a man than her.

-Kelvin, eat my ass. -Yeah, right.

That'd be incest, and that is disgusting.

Bye.

Welcome home, Dr. Gemstone.

My great apostle returns.

How did it go, baby? -How you think it went?

Daddy put me in charge,

and I Ace of Based that mission

straight to the Lord.

I knew you would.

My king.

Welcome home, friend.

Oh!

Keefe, you scared the bullcrud out of me.

I'm sorry, man.

I'd like to keep your ballcrud in you.

Yeah, no. I know.

How was the Land of the Rising Sun?

Well, Land of the Rising Sun is Japan.

That would've been awesome.

We were in China, and it sucked big-time.

Jesse was just, like,

riding me the whole time,

fully up my butt.

Like, telling me what to do. -Oh.

Not letting me do me.

'Cause when I do me... -Yeah.

-Good things happen. -Yeah.

I've got great methods.

I know. Your methods rule.

I appreciate that. Pound that out, my man.

Give me compliments.

Keefe, that's what's up. -Yeah.

So what's good, man?

No issues here.

I slept in your room one night

but then felt odd,

so I slept the rest of the time here on the couch

with no top sheet.

Hey, man,

you do not need to feel odd sleeping in my bed.

I told you you could.

You're doing me a favor.

I was aware I had your permission.

I don't know.

The energy in there is just unsettling.

It's lonely.

But, uh, the maids changed the bedding anyways.

And I put all your mail over there on the kitchen counter.

There's a lot of it.

Good looking out, Keefe.

-Hey. -Home-run friendship.

I'm just very appreciative.

I know not everybody wanted me here.

No, okay?

That is bullarkey, my friend.

Your past as a Satan worshipper was washed away

when you accepted Jesus Christ, Our Savior,

into your life.

Everyone knows that.

You are a success story to this family.

-Nice. -Gosh darn right, it's nice.

I'm gonna head back to my place.

I'm pretty bushed.

Gonna go soak in the tub.

What? No, man.

Come on.

Let's stay up late, play some video games,

smash some Pixy Stix.

That sounds good.

But I really need a soak.

I haven't been to my place in a while, and...

I like to turn it up real hot.

Right on. That's what's up.

Okay. -Okay.

Yeah.

All right, well, it's been a while.

-All right. -Bro, hug it out. There we go.

So happy you're home.

Yeah. -All right.

All right. Night night.

Night night also to you.

Night night.