Coyote Ugly

Why don't you ever realize the truth, Vince?

I ate nine pies and a meatball hero in one hour. That's a record.

It wasn't nine pies. It was eight.

You left two slices of mushroom on the last tray.

- Violet? - You guys, it was six pies.

No hero. I had to call the paramedics to pump your stomach,

three years ago. When are you gonna talk about something else?

When someone comes through that door and breaks the record,

then we'll stop talking about the subject.

Enjoy your pie, guys.

- It's the last one I'll ever serve. - Aren't you forgetting something?

Quit it, Pete. I'm not doing that.

It's a tradition. Sign the card.

I got it, folks. I got the first autograph.

- Hey, Violet. All right! - Violet's on her way to the wall.

That's 20 years of girls leaving town.

That wall is jinxed. I won't sit near that wall.

Let's hope you have better luck than they did.

- - Ladies and gentlemen.

As you all know, my best friend, Violet Sanford,

has decided...

... has decided to leave South Amboy tomorrow

and travel the 42 miles to New York City.

So... OK, come on. Bring her up here, girls.

- Come on, Violet. -

Come on, Vi. Come on, everyone.

Hey, Violet, come on. Come up here.

- Come on, honey. - You guys!

Now, I think it's only fair that tonight, on her last night

here with us in Jersey...

she grace us with a little tune.

No way!

Look at this!

Four people killed last night in New York.

No reason at all.

Police have no leads.

- Tragic. - Dad, what're you doing?

I guess four out of seven million ain't so bad.

Headline should read, "Millions Survive Night in New York."

Dad, stop. I get the point. Here. Eat your eggs.

They're not eggs. They're egg whites. And I'd rather eat the carton.

You lost six pounds staying on this diet.

No fast food. No sausage.

I bought you some Lean Cuisine meals, I put 'em in the freezer.

- My mouth is watering already. - I lined your vitamins on the counter.

- I don't take vitamins. - You do now. Just take them.

And I put fresh batteries in the TV remote and set the V. C. R. timer so...

Excuse me. Am I missing something here?

I'm the parent. You're the child running away to live by herself.

- I should be telling you how to live. - Fine. How should I live?

- Simple. Don't go. -

I got that Irish Spring you like. Oh. And Dad, whatever you do...

- Don't do the laundry. - Don't do the laundry.

Leave it by the dryer. I'll do it every Sunday.

Ah, this is interesting.

The handrails on the subway system could lead to an outbreak of plague.

Dad. Look.

You said I could be whatever I wanna be.

I never said songwriter in New York City. That's the exception.

You said anything, and I believed you, so...

I'm not leaving without your support.

- - That's Gloria. What's it gonna be?

Violet, I saw how hard it was for your mother when she didn't make it.

But if she was here, she'd tell me to shut up,

wish you luck and give you a big hug.

I'm not gonna give you a big hug, and I'm not gonna wish you luck, but...

... I am gonna shut up, sit here with my coffee and pretend to be mad.

Is that OK?

This is the last of it.

- Honey, are you OK with that? - Yeah, I got it.

I got it. Wait.

All right. That's everything.

- Let's hit it. - Good luck.

There, I said it.

Love you.

Put some pepper spray in your purse. Even if you're not sure.

Just start spraying.

You know, you're not alone, Mr. Sanford.

Hey, you know, me and you should have dinner sometime.

I'm locking the doors.

All right. This is it.

What do you think?

I had a feeling you were gonna need this.

- What are you doing? - It's just some emergency cash I saved.

Honey, from the looks of this place, I'd say this is our emergency.

Well, I'm not taking it.

Fine, then.

I'm freezing your assets.

So, thanks for everything.

- I'll call ya. -

What is this?

It's just that all our lives, you know, we always had

one thing in common, you and me.

What are you talking about?

It's like we said we wouldn't lose our virginity until we got married,

and that didn't happen.

Then we said wed go to college or junior college, or dental hygienist school,

and that didn't happen.

We've never followed through on a single thing, you know?

And I think that's what makes us so special.

And this is why you're crying?

Well...

... a long time ago you told me you were gonna move to New York.

But everyone thought you'd just stay in Jersey and get married

like me and Danny are gonna.

You know? And... and look at you.

No matter what, you really did it, Vi.

And I'm so proud of you.

- - Enough! You hear me?

You be quiet! Enough in there!

Hi. I'm Violet Sanford.

I just moved to New York

and was wondering if you would give my tape to one of your artists.

Violet, that is so cute.

Now, let me tell you about me.

My name is Wendy. I moved to New York when I was 21 to be a dancer,

but I broke my big toe.

I got knocked up by this actor who dumped me to join the Peace Corps.

So for the last 16 years I been raising my daughter all by myself.

And then two weeks ago she tells me that she is a bisexual

and that she hates me more than any person on this planet.

Now, tell me how I can help you, please,

because I am dying to make your dreams come true.

You don't take the tape unless it comes from an agent

but I can't get an agent until I get published?

If we were to listen to that tape, that would give you grounds

for a copyright or plagiarism lawsuit.

It's just a little tape. All I want is someone to sing my songs.

Welcome to the music business.

- Good evening. ID, please. - Hi. Uh, sure.

- What can I get you? - Let me ask you something.

I'm a songwriter. Is there someone here I could talk to about my songs?

I've been a struggling sax player for 12 years.

- What can I get you from the bar? - Pepsi and some crackers.

Hey. How are you doing?

Excuse me. Who's that guy?

That would be Mr. O'Donnell.

Mr. O'Donnell. He's the manager or something?

Yeah. He's the music manager.

He's in charge of finding bands and...

... booking new talent.

Where were you, O'Donnell?

I got 15 orders stacked up here and nobody to run the grill.

Fifteen orders, Walt. Is that all?

Gimme ten minutes, I'll catch us up. Go on. Lie down.

Relax. You look tired.

We can talk about my raise later.

Think this is Australia? There's no raise. I'm about to fire you.

- Um, excuse me. Mr. O'Donnell? - Yes.

My name is Violet Sanford. I'm a songwriter. I wanted to give you this.

I know it's not the most professional way to submit a tape.

- But this is all pretty new to me. - It's pretty new to me too.

I just figured as the manager of a club like this,

you must know every band on the East Coast.

The manager... of this club.

Um...

- You guys go ahead. I'll catch up. - Sure thing...

... Mr. O'Donnell.

I don't usually do this, Violet.

Um, but I... I have a feeling about you.

So I'm gonna take your tape, and I'm gonna see what I can do.

Thank you.

I can't believe how easy this was.

Neither can I.

Uh, you wanna go for some coffee or something?

O'Donnell, who do I look like? Your goddamn maid?

That's Mr. O'Donnell...

... but I'll let it slide this time.

I told you to take your stuff home and wash it.

You got grease caked on the front.

Walt, I've warned you about your attitude. You're fired.

Oh, you better not push me, kid.

I can find 100 other little punks like you who can burn a turkey burger.

Minimum wage punk.

Maybe we should start over. Uh...

I'm Kevin O'Donnell...

... and I work the grill here at the Fiji Mermaid Club.

I just made a complete fool of myself.

I was gonna tell you.

I'm almost sure I would have told you.

I just want you to know I'm not following you home.

I'm just walking myself 26 blocks in the wrong direction.

- I asked you to leave me alone. - Did I mention how sorry I am?

Not that it's my fault. You did throw yourself at me.

I didn't. I was pretending to be innocent so you'd give me a break.

- Can I ask you a question? - What?

Is there a reason we just walked in a circle? Are you lost?

I'm not lost. Somebody just moved my street.

You... You wanna play a game?

I bet I can guess where you're from.

I'm about to get out my pepper spray.

I reckon you're from a big city.

And there's no sign from here of a belly button ring

or a tongue piercing.

I gotta go with Chicago.

OK. I've never had anyone stare at my ass for half an hour,

so I'm gonna say good night.

And I'm hoping you're gonna say it back.

OK. I can take a hint.