American Dad!

Don't turn channel!

Please.

Hello.

This is "American Dad!" you are watching.

So, who am I?

Fung Wah, Chinese billionaire.

You don't believe me?

That's mine.

I am C.E.O. of Fung Wah Enterprises --

big conglomerate with many assets.

Sure, I make money.

But what make me happy?

American television -- so funny.

And who is funniest? I give you time to guess.

Seth MacFarlane!

He shine like a diamond.

So we talk.

He admits he's bored of only being a cartoon emperor.

So I give him tennis-shoe business,

and he give me "American Dad!"

It's all mine! But don't worry.

It will be same show you always love.

Look at my money.

Okay? So, here is your "American Dad!"

Please enjoy.

# Good morning, U.S.A. #

# I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day #

# the sun in the sky has a smile on his face #

# and he's shinin' a salute to the American race #

# oh, boy, it's swell to say #

# good -- # # good morning, U.S.A. #

Keep it cool, Stan.

No one can tell you have an erection.

'Sup, bud? Super-soft over here.

Hello?

Smith, happy anniversary.

Huh? Sir? It's not my anniversary.

Well, that just proves it is your anniversary,

since you always forget your anniversary

precisely on the day of your anniversary.

Oh, my God! It's my anniversary!

Francine's gonna kill me. I have nothing prepared.

Well, perhaps you can use the C.I.A. time machine

to go back a few days

and arrange for the perfect anniversary.

We have a time machine? Sadly, no.

Not after you used it for your anniversary last year

and altered the timeline.

Now we have a margarita machine

and something called Israel.

Israel.

Please, sir, I'm in real big trouble here.

If you have any suggestions regarding my anniversary --

well, years ago, when I thought I was possessed by demons,

they locked me up in a mental hospital.

Smith, those demons took over my every thought.

But luckily, the story has a happy ending.

The demon moved on into a baby.

That is a happy ending. Don't interrupt, Smith.

Point is, it's a shame your wife is of sound mind.

Because if she were to be kept in a mental institute

it could buy you some

much needed anniversary-planning time.

Wait a minute.

We can just accuse Francine of being crazy

and get her locked up on a 72-hour psych hold.

Capital idea. Thank you, sir.

And, by the way, I should mention,

this is the longest I've ever spoken on the phone before.

Not me, and I don't intend to break my record now.

Stan?

W-w-what are you doing over there?

Is this part of some weird surprise thing

for our anniversary?

That's her! Go, go, go!

Beautiful.

Got to find the perfect anniversary gift for Francine.

Oop, I'm at the top.

Diamonds should do the trick.

Whoa! I always wanted one of those.

Whoa!

# We're gonna give it a jumpstart #

# 4, 3, 2, 1, go #

# what's up? #

# When we get it going, no way we're gonna stop #

# and all you need is a spark, spark #

# if it's all that you got, got, got, got, got #

# we're gonna gi-- #

# go, what's up? #

# We're gonna dance until our l-l-legs go into shock #

# Like an adrenaline shot, shot going straight to the heart #

# heart, heart, heart, heart, heart #

# we're gonna give it a jump #

# whoa, oh, eh, oh #

# whoa, oh, eh, oh #

# whoa, oh, eh, oh #

# I wanna rock #

# rock! #

# I want to rock #

Yeah, Smith here.

Good afternoon, Mr. Smith.

This is Fairfax County Psychiatric Hospital

calling with some good news regarding your wife.

The doctors have given her a clean bill of health.

She's ready to be picked up.

Why are you telling me? I'm not her dad.

I'm her kids' dad, because we're married.

Yep. For 19 years and 72 hours.

Ooh! Our anniversary.

Oh, shi-i-i-i-i-i-t!

Roger!

I knew this day would come. I have too many clothes.

I got some new pants from Lululemon

and tried to add them to the closet, and it just burst.

Like I did, through my Lululemon pants.

They make them too tight.

Roger, your room's getting dangerous.

You clearly have to get rid of some of your clothes.

I'd love to get rid of some stuff,

but I-I wouldn't know where to start.

What about this huge pile of no fear T-shirts?

You could get rid of this one.

No! People need to know

that "2nd place is first loser."

What about this one? No.

People need to know

that "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."

What about this one?

Yeah, I guess we could scrap that.

Wait! No! People need to remember

that "Pain is just weakness leaving the body."

We got to find a way to help you get rid of some stuff.

She's right, Roger.

Whoa, my God! Listen to this.

Says here that billionaire Fung Wah

has increased his already vast fortune.

Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!

Happy anniversary!

It was you.

You put me in here!

Okay, okay. You got me.

But it's not a problem. No.

Because it was all for a bigger cause --

to plan the perfect anniversary.

The perfect -- For love -- I did it for love.

Why does any man go to great lengths?

For the love of his woman.

Love? Three days in a loony bin?

And a bucket of chicken.

I...hate you.

Ah, that's nice -- the calm before the resolution.

Hate you! I hate you! I hate you!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute!

She's been discharged.

Hospital says she's free to go.

I'm Dr. Miller. I am this hospital,

and this woman is staying here

until I say she is ready to leave.

Wait! Francine!

Oh, my God.

I totally ruined this...

birthday?

Uh, excuse me.

I'm Stan Smith, here to see my wife.

Ah, we meet again. Dr. Miller.

Stan Smith.

We meet again. Okay.

Your wife has been suffering

from an increasingly frequent number

of semi-psychotic episodes.

Mr. Smith, in layman's terms,

you seem to be Francine's trigger.

Ahh.

I'm not her trigger.

Thoughts of you, even mentions of your name

send her into a literal state of hysteria.

It's in the best interest of her recovery

that we keep you separated for a while.

You have my wife, and I demand that you release her now.

Try to understand. It could be months

before she's well enough to reengage with society.

I refuse to accept that.

The human mind heals itself at its own pace.

No!

This is all my fault.

I have to come up with some way

to break you out of the hospital.

Uh, whoopsie-doodles! I'm a nutso!

Bl-bl-bl-bl-bl!

Yeah, yeah, we get it. You're crazy.

If you wanted to come in here,

you could've just admitted yourself.

You didn't have to dry-hump our mailbox.

Yeah, you go out and get your mail and tell me if it's dry.

These are size 2s.

You're not getting into these again.

Come on. Be real.

I'm keeping them for motivation.

Look! Now I cartoon character!

Is that really you, billionaire Fung Wah?