Puss in Boots

Through the years, I have been known by many names:

Diablo Gato,

The Furry Lover,

Chupacabra,

Friskie Two-Times

and The Ginger Hitman.

But to most... I am Puss In Boots!

Outlaw.

I will never forget you... Margherita.

I mean, Rosa.

Uh, sorry. I think maybe I should go.

Hmm.

You cannot run forever,

Puss In Boots!

What can I say? I was a bad kitty.

Just a fugitive from the law... forever running.

Searching for a way to clear my name.

And I would get that chance...

...on this one fateful night.

Here, kitty, kitty!

Raoul, look what the cat dragged in.

Oh, wait... That is the cat!

One leche, please.

What are you doing here, señor? Did you lose your ball of yarn?

So funny.

One leche coming up.

I am not looking for trouble.

I am but a humble gato in search of his next meal.

Perhaps you gentlemen can help me find a simple score?

The only thing you'll find tonight is trouble... Puss In Boots.

Well, perhaps if one of us were to tell the law

that you are in town, we could split the reward.

You made the cat angry.

You do not want to make the cat angry!

The Church of St. Michael has just put up

a golden statue of the Virgin of Guadalupe.

I do not steal from churches.

The boys' orphanage has been donated silver candlesticks,

they would look very lovely in your home.

- I do not steal from orphans. - Uh, what about Jack and Jill?

- Shh! Are you crazy? - The what?

The murderous outlaws Jack and Jill have gotten their hands on... magic beans.

Do not joke with me about magic beans!

I searched half my life for them. They do not exist.

No, cat. We have seen them.

These... are the beans of legend.

Huh? Whoa.

Grows a vine to the Land of Giants,

and the Golden Goose.

The Golden Goose...

A heist like this could set you up for life.

All nine of them.

Show him the golden eggs.

No!

Please, you have shown enough.

Only a cat with a death wish would steal the beans from Jack and Jill.

The only wish I have is to repay an old debt.

And this is my chance.

Now...

...where do I find this Jack and Jill?

Huh?

I'm sorry... we have no rooms.

Well, I think one just opened up.

We'd like a complimentary continental breakfast.

And don't even think about skimpin' on them baby muffins.

We don't have any baby muffins.

You know, Jill...

...I been thinking.

Ahh... get it out.

I, um... Once we're done with this magic bean business

and got ourselves all them beautiful golden eggs...

Mm-hm, go on.

...well, that we cut down on some of the hijacking and murdering.

I mean, it's fun and all, but, uh...

...I want a baby.

A baby what, Jack?

A baby us, Jill.

We'll raise it wild, like a squirrel or something.

Holy frijoles!

They do exist.

Ahh... ever since you fell down that hill

and broke your crown, you have been talking crazy.

It couldn't hurt to have an extra shooter during ambushes.

Maybe I cut too deep... cut that brain out of your head.

Hey! What gives?

If it's to be a girl, she'll have your strong...

No! No! No!

You, you, you! You stop where you are!

I don't know, Jack.

How do I ride and shoot with a baby slung on my back?

They got them backpacks now. The way I see it, Jill...

Those beans are mine!

...we fall off this flat earth one time.

What better proof of our love...

Me?

You snap me?

You snap me?!

You looking for something?

Uh, no.

No hablo inglés.

You are going to pay for this!

Huh?!

No!

Chupacabra!

Chupacabra! Chupacabra!

- Chupacabra! - You are a crazy woman!

Those magic beans were my score!

You just cost me a chance at getting the golden eggs, mi amigo.

Put up your dukes.

Yah!

Psst!

Very well.

If it is to be a dance fight,

then I will Tuesday-Night-Dance-Fight you to the death!

How dare you do the Litter Box at me!

Hello!

Toot-toot!

Can you feel me?

Fear me... if you dare.

You hit me in the head with a guitar?!

You are a woman?

Ohhh!

Whoa.

Amateur.

Wow!

Señorita, wait!

Let me buy you some leche! I am a lover, not a... fighter.

Hello?

You are hiding from me?

I like to play the games, too.

I sense in you a kindred spirit, a...

Hmm.

I smell something familiar.

Something... dangerous.

Something...

...breakfasty.

It's been a long time, brother.

Maldito huevo.

Humpty Alexander Dumpty.

How dare you show your face to me.

I know you're angry. You have every right.

But it is good to see you, Puss.

Are those new boots?

No! They are the same boots I wore when you betrayed me.

Betrayed you?

You left me cracked in pieces on a bridge...

surrounded by soldiers!

They wrote a song about it!

And how did we get on that bridge in the first place?!

Because we were brothers, and brothers are supposed to look after each other...

Humpty!

Remember why we're here.

I should have known.

I had the magic beans in my grasp,

and you sent this very attractive devil woman to interfere.

You are a curse on my life!

Whoa, whoa, wait. Hear me out. OK?

Yes, yes, I sent Kitty to bring you here.

But she is no ordinary thief.

She's Kitty Softpaws.

The softest touch in Spain.

That's a lot of heel for a guy, don't you think?

Look, with Kitty's skill, your sword and my brain,

we've got a fighting chance here.

Puss, come on, you of all people know that nobody's ever ripped off

the giant's castle and lived to tell the tale.

You want to survive? You need a plan.

And I've studied this job my whole life. You know that.

Let's be honest.

Without me, you don't even know where to plant the beans, Puss.

But Jack and Jill do. They're on their way.

We go up the beanstalk outlaws, and we come down legends.

So, what do you say?

Partners?

No. Never again.

I'm sorry, OK? How long are you gonna hold a grudge?

It's been seven years! That's like 35 cat years.

You need me! And I need you.

Puss! You got any idea what they do to eggs in San Ricardo prison?

I'll tell you this, my friend.

It ain't over easy.

Ohhh!

Adiós... Humpty Dumpty.

Oh, this is bad. This is bad.

Don't worry, I'll take care of it.

I know how to speak meow.

...sad story with your twisted lies

in your greasy shell that smells like old ham!

I should crack you open for...

Look what I found.

Someone forgot his money.

Oh, you are dangerous.

Humpty says you like danger.

Just think of all the trouble we can get into.

The two of us together.

We can steal a lot of golden eggs.

Hmm?

And... you owe me.

- I owe you? - Mm-hm.

You hit me in the head with a guitar.