Distant Cousins

Go around back.

Give me one minute.

Whosever in there, it's the police!

Come out, now!

Hands up!

I heard a crash. I'm going in.

Hey, Benson, eat me.

Mr. Benson, up yours.

Stuff it.

Hey, I was just testing Mr. Benson's burglar alarm

to see if it worked or not.

Boy, you wouldn't believe how easy it was to get in.

I'm trying to help, like a neighborhood watch.

Pretty impressive, kid.

Yeah, it took me a month to build.

What's going on here?

What is this?

Do you live here, sir?

Yes, I do.

My door!

My house!

You little anarchist.

Hi, Mom.

The police bringing you home is getting

to be a real habit, Alex.

You better set a record getting ready for bed.

But it's still light out.

I can see that.

Now.

What are you mad at me for?

Hello?

Even Dad calls Benson a tight-ass.

Uh, just-- just one second.

I don't need your mouth.

I'm sorry.

I was talking to my son.

Can we start over?

HARRY (ON PHONE): Does that pretty voice belong

to Katherine June Sullivan?

Well, yes, this is Katherine.

HARRY (ON PHONE): You'll never guess

who this is in a million years-- your cousin, Harold Young.

Cousin Harold?

HARRY (ON PHONE): You all moved to California

before we had a chance to meet.

But I've heard plenty about Richie's beautiful wife.

Oh, uh, thank you.

HARRY (ON PHONE): How's Richie?

Can I talk to him?

Uh, well, he's just fine. But he's not here.

He usually works late.

I'm sorry you missed him.

HARRY (ON PHONE): He ain't gonna miss me.

I'm coming your way tomorrow, and I wanted to hook up

with Richie and kiss the bride.

You still live on Woodbriar Road?

It's Briarwood.

HARRY (ON PHONE): Briarwood. OK.

See you tomorrow, cousin. Bye.

No, wait. What-- what time?

This is stupid.

No.

Screwing with Mr. Benson is stupid.

My folks just can't wait to see us.

Well, I'm just dying to meet them, too.

You got some of that for me?

You just gotta say the magic word.

Please? - Uh-uh.

Wrong word.

Oh, yeah?

OK.

OK.

I got it, huh?

Oh, LA is such a long way off, baby,

and I'm so tired of hitching rides.

Oh.

When, uh-- when you gonna learn to trust me?

Hey, partner.

Whew.

It's hotter than hell on a Christmas day, isn't it?

Nice camper.

This thing got air?

Oh, I'm not saying that he shouldn't be punished.

But kids get into trouble.

It's their job.

Yeah, well, your son seems to be making a habit out of it.

When I was Alex's age, I did worse things than this,

and I turned out all right.

You know, mischief's just a part of growing up.

Yeah, well, I don't think the cops call it mischief.

He's just a smart kid with way

too much energy who should be asleep right now, by the way.

You've got to stop sending Alex mixed signals.

I'm the one that punishes him.

And then, you come home and play with him,

and Mom ends up being the bad guy again.

Alex doesn't think that.

Oh, come on.

He knows you'll go easy on him. - All right, Katie.

I will lay down the law with him tomorrow.

And then you won't be the only villain, all right?

Can't you just be here for him a little more?

That'd be best.

Well, it's not by choice I'm away from you guys so much.

I mean, this client is driving me crazy.

He's impossible to deal with.

Well, I hope you're going to be home when your cousin,

Harold, gets here tomorrow.

Who?

Harold Young.

Harold Young.

No.

Yeah, he called and said he was on his way.

I don't believe it. - Well, believe it.

I'd say he was from the deep-fried side of the family.

Harold Young.

We used to go to Camp Sea Breeze together.

I couldn't have been more than seven or eight years old.

I wouldn't recognize him now if he fell on me.

He sounds like a real charmer.

Great.

This is what I need.

Dad, this says $185.

That's right-- which you now owe the bank of Mom and Dad.

Payments start next week with your allowance,

which you won't be getting any of unless it's all paid back.

Dad, that will take over two years.

Well, then, you know what, Alex?

I suggest you get a part-time job.

And unless you're doing that or you're helping your mother,

you are grounded until otherwise notified.

But Dad, this isn't--

No, that's the end of the discussion, all right?

Now, I have a meeting.

Katie, it's fabulous.

Thanks.

Before I know it, you'll be shopping your work

to the west side galleries.

No way.

We're expecting a visit from a very

distant cousin of Richard's.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, so, we gotta go.

What's with our young genius?

He hasn't said a word since he got here.

Oh, he's out on parole.

He, uh, ran into a problem with one of the neighbors,

so now he has to get a job and pay for the damages.

Well, if our master criminal needs a job,

I could use some help cleaning out the back storeroom.

Really?

Bring him by day after tomorrow.

Hey, that'd be great, Marcie.

Thanks.

Hey, did you hear that?

Yeah, I heard.

Well, don't get too excited.

Come here, baby.

Sit right here.

Whose old truck is that?

And who are those people?

Cross your legs.

All right, then.

Give me a big smile.

Yeah.

One more.

All right.

Oooh, that's beautiful, beautiful.

Excuse me.

What do you think you're doing?

Well, I'll be damned.

Here.

Katherine Sullivan, as I live and breathe.

Come here to me. Oh--

Oh. - You pretty thing.

Oh, Richard always did have such good taste.

That's Connie.

And this must be the man of the house.

How you doing, partner?

I'm your Uncle Harry.

Oh, my gosh, this boy's strong!

Oh.

Other than Richard's mother, I never met anyone

from that side of the family.

I didn't know I had another uncle.

Well, you're luckier than you thought, ain't you?

Well, that's why we came to LA-- to change all that.

And I had about a week to kill before starting