The Problem with People

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I'm not falling for it.

Exactly!

...which the South Koreans claim was an unprovoked attack

by the North Koreans.

...what is now the fifth week of violence between Palestinians

and Israelis...

I'm sure it's only a matter of time before they have that sorted out huh?

Tottenham fans pelting the Chelsea fans with bottles and

accumulated rubbish.

...between Republicans and Democrats, with even

some fisticuffs and shoving...

Have they all just gone mad?!

- Tottenham or the Americans? - The whole feckin' lot of them!

...Pakistan blaming India for the renewed...

Ah for fuck sake!

Do they even know what they're fighting about anymore?

- Well... - What is it they want?

Could they even tell you if you asked them?

Well there are many historical and geopolitical factors at work...

Don't be gettin' wise with me now son!

- I'm dying you know. - Ah, you're not dying at all!

No?!

Well I'm not lying here because I'm turning twenty feckin' one, am I?!

Ah, you're all right.

Who am I to talk, sure we're no better than those feckers on the telly.

- You and me?! - Our family.

The whole lot of us.

The whole, sorry story.

Did I ever tell you about me grandfather?

Did you now? Let me think, eh...

- Me father's father... - And the brother.

That's right!

As close as close could be, until his brother sailed to America and they never

spoke again, not a word.

Generation after generation, forbidden we were to even speak of the American

family and for what?! Some petty argument a century ago.

So many wasteful years, shameful!

.

I want you to do something for me... - A cup of tea!

Quiet!

Listen to me now!

I want you to make things right, son.

I want you to find our American family and make things right.

All right Da, I will, you have my word on it.

Now, I want you to call them now!

What do you mean "now"?

How much time do you think I've got left?

- I don't even know... - There was a cousin on that side...

Joseph, I believe, had a son your age, give or take, called Barry.

Made quite a name for himself over there in New York.

Very successful he was too.

Your man Paddy down in Shanagarry, he sent us a magazine article about him,

- do you recall that? - No.

- Well, he did! - I'm not arguing.

The point being, is this fella would be the current descendant of the American

side of the family.

Barry, last name would be Gorman, same as us.

And it's him you need to find.

Look, I, I, I, I wouldn't even...

Ah Jaysus, do they not have telephone directories in America?!?

- Yeah, of course they do... - Then just do this for me lad.

The last request of a dying man.

All right, all right Dad, I'll do it, okay.

Thank you.

Oh, that cup of tea would be grand when you're coming back.

Jesus!

Jaysus Aine, you frightened the life out of me!

I heard himself was dying, so I came to say goodbye.

But he doesn't want to see you! We never liked you.

I know, that's why I came to say goodbye.

Oh!

I heard you were dying.

So I came to say goodbye.

Alright then, that's grand...

Goodbye!

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Cock sucker!

You know who did do it, they're trying to fuck with you!

No they're not, they're just...

Oh yeah, they are, they're tryna low ball you.

Listen to me, listen to me.

There's a reason people come to us, because we build faster, we build better

and by the way, a project this size, what are you kidding me!?

First of all, why are you out of breath?

Just getting my steps in,

I got 2,300 more to do.

In the house?!

Yeah, because once around the couch is like 11 steps.

So that means I only have to do like... - Okay, Dad, that's insane!

When Dr. Gittleman said to exercise, I don't...

Hold on hon, the other phone's ringing now.

- Really!? Who calls you on the landline?

Telemarketers and wrong numbers.

Hello. Not interested.

Hello, I'm wondering if I have the right number?

Oh, I seriously doubt it.

Are you by any chance

the Barry Gorman, whose father may or may not

have been called Joseph and who has relatives in Ireland who he's never spoken to?

- Who is this? - Well, if you are him, I am your cousin.

Sort of, on the Irish side, if you hadn't guessed.

Hold on one second... Sweetie, I'm gonna call you back.

- Bye. - Yeah.

Do you know how many Barry Gormans there are in the New York City

telephone directory?

Would you care to wager a guess?

No.

132, isn't that amazing?

Luckily, you're in the top 20,

so fair play to you, sir.

Okay, yeah, I'm still a little bit... I'm sorry... what is, what is your name?

Forgive me, did I not say?

I am your cousin Ciaran.

Last name Gorman, same as you.

I'm calling on behalf of my father.

And you're here in New York?

Oh, no, no, no,

although I've always wanted to go, you know.

Looks enchanting, all those skyscrapers.

You must never tire looking up.

No, I'm calling from the next parish over,

Ireland.

Okay!

The reason I'm reaching out is that my father,

Fergus is his name,

- last name, Gorman. - I understand.

The thing is, my father, well he's been unwell and

he is not a young man.

I see, and how is it that I can help?

Oh nothing like that! No, no, no, no, no.

The reason I'm calling is,

are you familiar with the story of the

grandfathers, the two brothers?

Yes... vaguely.

Ah, me too, yeah.

But all I know for certain is

that there was a falling out.

Yes.

And, well, it's my dad's wish that we can rectify the situation, you know, make

peace between the two sides of the family.

Okay?!

You know, well that's why I'm calling, to extend an olive branch as it were.

All right, well, sure!

All right, yeah, that sounds nice.

Okay!

So maybe someday, if we ever find ourselves on the same side of the ocean,

we could perhaps raise a glass in friendship and wipe the slate clean?

Yeah, sure. Okay.

That sounds nice.

Right, well,

I won't take up any more your time.

Okay, all right, well, nice to meet you.

Well then, I suppose I'll be going. Godspeed.

You too Aine, Godspeed yourself as well.

You take care now, I won't be seeing you.

Hands down the best sex I ever had.

Just now?!

No, not just now!

Don't be thick!

It was a lifetime ago, before I met your ma, of course.

Though I always suspected your ma had an inkling.

She never cared much for Aine.

- I remember. - That'd be why.

- So how did we do? - What?!

The yank, did you manage to track him down?

- Yes, I did. - Grand.

Bit of a needle in a haystack, actually.

But I managed to find your man Barry.

And he proved to be quite amenable, so...

So when does he arrive?

What?!

When does he get here? When do I get to meet him?

No, we didn't go that far, Jaysus no, I mean, we sort of agreed in principle.

In principle, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, lad, I asked you to do one thing for me!

You asked me to find him, not invite him over.

Well of course invite him over, how else am I gonna meet him?

We don't even know the man!

He can't just drop everything and... - I'm dying.

Stop saying that! You're grand.

Tis far from grand I am.

Now you get back down there and for God's sake get the fella over!

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- Wow! - Right.

I mean, I never heard of the guy my entire life, now he calls me twice in five minutes.

And he wants you to just go to Ireland?!

- Yeah! - And you don't think it's like a scam?

Oh, believe me, that's what I thought, but nah, he knew too much,

stuff I remember from letters my father had.

Is he asleep?

Oh, yeah, he's out like a light.

My God, he's beautiful!

He's so...

Every day he does something new that just blows my mind.

Please don't say it.

I'm not.

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I just don't understand how she could walk out on you when you have a brand