Mozart in the Jungle

Gloria, I brought you a pumpernickel scone.

Gloria, that's voodoo!

I can't believe we just made that announcement to the whole world

without asking me first!

I apologized.

Come on, Gloria, don't get caught up in the past.

Just so you know, everyone out there

can hear everything you're saying.

It will take years of fundraising to even come close...

I'm not talking about years. I'm talking about now.

Right now.

You want to see now? Now, I am cleaning my desk.

Because we don't have enough money for a janitorial staff!

I'm trying to save this orchestra.

Our orchestra!

And you just asked a roomful of multimillionaires

to give their money to the wrong thing

Gloria, no! It's not the wrong thing!

It's actually the same thing.

It's the orchestra and the youth orchestra, they go together.

Not according to the I.R.S.

The I.R.... That just means "irs".

Okay, I'm talking about children,

I'm talking about the future, Gloria.

It's a fantastic idea!

- Yeah. - It's a beautiful idea.

And it would ensure an audience for the future!

But you can't just whip up a citywide not-for-profit

out of thin air!

By the way, you have to forgive Maestro Pembridge.

He's having a hard time.

How do you know about that?

Everybod knows. Right?

- Oh, yeah. - Yeah.

You know, there is one way that we could get the seed money

and do it pretty quickly.

Yeah, well, he's not gonna do it.

No, wait, wait. I'm very unpredictable.

I might do it. Tell me, tell me.

Well, after the Venice concert,

we have been flooded with requests for you to do an endorsement.

You know, like portable speakers, or a watch...

but there is one that's pretty big.

Big? Like, big, big how?

- Oh, he's not gonna do it. - Tell me, I don't discriminate.

Just tell me, tell me.

Ah!

What'd I tell you? He's not gonna do it.

Okay, Gloria...

Okay, we have the music, there's kids in the city.

Millions of them.

What costs money? Why do we need the money?

Instruments cost money.

- Chairs. Chairs cost money. - Chairs cost money?

Chairs don't cost money. Chairs are just there.

Okay, are you joking with me? No, go on.

Okay, okay, I feel obligated to do something

that I've never done in my life.

And I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna get the money myself.

Be my guest!

In fact, go out on the street

and just pull it off the money tree!

That's exactly what I'm gonna do.

Oh, Craigy G?

- Yes, Maestro? - About your, you know, the...

Mm-hmm?

I can't believe you're a person, man.

Hey, everyone. Hi.

Hi, Esther.

Um, thank you all so much for being here.

I am so excited.

Oh, are you kidding?

A chance to play the premiere

of Thomas Pembridge's first composition?

I've actually had a poster on my wall since middle school.

It's of him conducting shirtless, on a fjord.

Oh, I had that poster, too.

It was right above my bed.

Okay. Um, let's get started.

So what I think is really great about this piece

is the kind of polarized dynamics.

So there's the tenderness and then there's the tension.

Oh my God.

Maestro.

Hey, Maestro, what are you doing here?

I was just in the neighborhood.

My tailor, he lives in Brooklyn.

Yes, he's a genius with buttons.

Well, please carry on, Maestra.

Like I'm not here.

Just think of me as the ghost that haunts the theater.

Okay. Will do.

All right, so, um.

Let's... let's take it from the top.

Hmm?

That was so great, guys.

For the... For the first time, wow.

Okay.

Hey, Esther, I think that you could

um, afford to be a little bit freer.

Where it says molto espressivo...

Hmm. Oh, bloody hell, no.

What?

Hmm? Oh, Nothing.

Okay.

The molto espressivo, I really think, go for it.

- Psst. - Um...

Psst.

I don't want to be a pest but I think I've got a few tiny thoughts.

Okay, yes, what are they?

One, I want you to think of it as a solo piece,

- and the rest is just echo. - Mm-hmm.

It's just a very fine line, but it's important.

- Yes. - Now, bar one also,

- I want it to be clearer. - Okay.

- I want it... - Yeah.

I want you to get the tempo. It needs to flow.

- Sounds good. - All right?

- I'll do that. - Good.

I'm so sorry, Mr. DeSousa.

But we can't give you the loan.

But it's not for me. It's for the children.

- It's for the music. - I know.

And the program that you're trying to start, it sounds great.

Program? I'm not doing a TV program.

No, no, no, the music program.

Oh, yeah. I just don't call it a music program.

I call it music and the sounds that make a family.

Well, you...

You applied for the loan as an individual.

And you listed as assets to be held as collateral...

Beethoven, Mozart, and T-chai-Tchaikovsky.

Yeah, I know that one. I like it.

Oh good. She likes that one.

Well, now, it was all worth it.

But you do understand in terms of a loan agreement,

that these are just the names of music composers.

They don't actually have value.

Tell her that you would have gone mad without the music.

Oh, no, but I will start crying if I say that.

Let's see, the only other thing you listed here

is a mate gourd.

Mat... ma-mate? Mate gourd?

And the value, it depends on what a person's opinion is on mate?

I was joking.

You know, it's just a joke.

Wow you don't have any credit, which I've never seen before.

- No credit cards? No, no... - Nothing.

No mortgage, house, nothing?

No, I don't owe any money to anybody.

That seems like I don't exist, right?

It's how the bank thinks.

I don't get it.

So the bank will give out loans to people

who usually will make money back

to pay it back.

I'll just get another loan and I'll pay you back.

No, but how is the bank going to trust you?

I give you my word, it's me, I tell you.

You're the bank. Trust me.

I'm not the bank.

I just work for the bank. Excuse me.

I have to be in this meeting.

Okay, okay.

- Okay. - That's it.

Thanks so much for your time.

I know you're not the bank.

You know, you're this "Creative Solutions

For Creative Lives" bank.

Listen, at the end of the day, those are just slogans.

It's not really real.

Well, let's make this real.

What if I was a potato farmer?

And I come to you and I say,

"hey I want to plant tomatoes."

Mm-hmm.

I want a loan for planting tomatoes, and you go,

"Have you any experience with tomatoes?"

And I go, "No. No, but just give me a loan."

- Well, you wouldn't give it to me, right? - No.

- Because I plant potatoes. - Potatoes.

But what if I come and I say I'm a tomato farmer.

I'm gonna plant tomatoes.

That's exactly what I'm saying right now, you know?

I am a musician.

I'm gonna give you the music.

Hi, Jordan.

Where are you?

Oh, God. I'm so sorry, Honey.

No, hold on. Just stay there with your teachers.

I'll be right there. I'm on my way.

Okay? Okay. Okay, bye. Dammit.

I forgot that today was the day I'm supposed to pick up my son.

Do you need a ride?

No, no, no, it's okay.

Yes, I'll give you a ride. Come, come, come.

I have a vehicle. Come.

Oh, okay, okay. If you don't mind.

Yeah, no, no. It's good.