Hold the Sunset

Look, right from the start, I made it clear

that the thing that mattered most

to me was getting a quick sale.

I'm afraid the market's going through a bit of a sluggish patch.

Not much we can do about that!

Well, I mean, look at this brochure.

"Versatile, highly desirable, larger than average."

Well, what is average? I mean...

"Boasts a back garden." Boasts?

"Deceptively spacious."

I mean, what does it mean?!

I would have thought it rather spoke for itself.

I think it means that if we happen to be looking for a small house,

it's not bad news that it's deceptively spacious

- because it is, in fact, small. - Phil.

Whereas, if we're looking for a large house,

then "deceptively spacious" means that

if we think it's big enough, it's not.

Uh...

I wonder if the time has come for us

to reconsider my original proposal?

- What proposal? - For an open-house day.

- Quite. - What did I say?

You said you'd rather be publicly disembowelled

- than have strangers tramping all over your house. - Did I?

Oh, it seemed such a good idea to me. And you'd be there as host,

to greet everyone, and it's something you do so well.

Yes, well, why not?

- Ah, as to that... - What?

I'm afraid it's never a good idea

for the owner to be present on these occasions.

- Never. - Never?

- Ever. - Most ill-advised.

Well, what could happen?

Come on, Edith.

No open house.

We'll think about it. Ha-ha!

I'm not sure about this, Bob.

It's a bit early for it...

Listen, don't start!

Well, I like to sing at night, after midnight,

when my voice is more relaxed. Huh?

Like Frank Sinatra...

Do you want to go back in the box?

Will you two shut up?!

Sorry. Sometimes, my fellow performer's

- a wee bit of a problem, you know? - It's not me, it's him...

Rubbish!

Right, now, I know you're wondering,

how can a man with a prosthetic arm play the guitar?

Well, I'm here to tell you.

It is possible, yes!

It is possible!

I've never done it myself and I don't intend to try.

No, no, this, erm,

cavernous guitar case is just here

for you generous people

to put your donations in, right?

"Is it too big?", I ask myself.

I sincerely hope not!

Right, let's go!

Ahem...

It's too early, too early for my voice!

Yeah, I know you folk are looking for serious,

high-quality entertainment. You see, when you find some,

would you let me know?!

Right, once again... One, two. One, two, three.

You look so much better than when you came in!

Ziggy, um...

I love coming to your salon and chatting to all your customers.

I've only got time for a quick coffee today, Wendy.

- Fridays are hell. - Where are we going?

- It's not far. - Oh.

I thought we'd go here today.

- Here? - Mmm.

Hello, there.

Ooh, dominoes!

Ooh, I used to love dominoes... Ha-ha-ha!

... when I was a child. Ha-ha!

Ooh, I wouldn't have put this down as

your sort of place at all, Sandra.

- Oh, I often pop in here. There's always something going on. - Really?

Yes, they've got great courses. I've done quite a few of them myself.

- Have you? - Yes, I'd like to do more, if I had the time.

- You always meet such interesting people. - Yoga.

Hmm, I tried that once. It wasn't really my sort of thing.

Mindfulness.

Well, I'd say I was a pretty mindful sort of person anyway.

It's in my nature. What you need is something

that's going to make the most of your natural talents.

Music and movement. Mmm...

Counselling. Actually, I'd be a really good counsellor, wouldn't I?

- Well, you could certainly give it a try. - Yes, I will!

Oh, I would never, ever have thought of this, Sandra. Thank you.

- Mmm. - Since the divorce, it's just been so...

Mmm.

It's almost impossible to believe that Roger is your brother.

Mmm.

Oh, what's going on here?! Ha!

- Ha-ha! - Roger...

- What? - Look. There's your mum...

Oh, my God!

It's Roger...

and Bob!

Good grief!

- Hello, Mrs Stevens! - Ha-ha!

Shh, you'll embarrass her!

- Ah, and the kidnapper. - Yeah, the tall stalker!

Hello, tall stalker!

Very determined tall stalker.

You've got to tell your son to let me sing at night,

like Frank Sinatra!

Well, I would, but he never listens to me!

- Let's go. - What?!

- It's only a bit of fun! - Yeah, but people are looking, right?

- Let's go. - No, you go. I'm staying.

- What for? - Because he's having a go, he's doing his best.

Like when he was third camel

- in the nativity play, right? - Yes, exactly like that, yes.

Right, well, I'm off.

Come on, Phil, come and join us!

He was Choirboy of the Year, you know.

Aye, until they found out where the noise was coming from!

Oh! Ha! Ah, Bertie!

- He seems to be fascinated by your feet. - Well, now, this is new.

Oh, very smart, look at it!

- Ah, yes, Sandra turned up with it for him. - Yeah, very Sandra too.

Yes, they've become great friends.

She's always bringing him some sort of treat or other.

- Nothing that's actually any good for him, of course. - Well, of course not.

So, where are you off to, then?

Oh, somewhere in the sun.

You know, somewhere defensible.

- Defensible? - Well, with a moat and drawbridge.

- Roger! - Mmm.

Yes, I saw him in town the other day, singing.

- You don't think he's certifiable, do you? - No, I don't think so.

- Do you? - In optimistic moments, yes.

You know we're leaving him here, I mean, in charge of Edith's house?

Well, whatever is wrong with him, and I'm not sure what that is,

perhaps leaving him in charge of the house on his own terms

might help sort himself out a bit.

I'm going to miss you, Jack.

Ah, I'll miss you too, Phil.

You must visit, bring the hound.

Well, I don't think being in the sun

would be too much good for this one.

- I think a damp English spring is more his mark. - Ah.

Anyway, he'd only insist on flying first class!

Well, quite right too!

You know, I've been thinking, maybe it's a sign. Ha!

- A sign?! - Phil's house not shifting.

Maybe it's not meant to be.

Not the right time.

When would be the right time?

Well, for a start, there's Roger.

- He's not what you'd call normal, is he? - Well, he's better.

A bit better.

And then there's Sandra.

She works so hard.

She's a clever girl...

... but she's not as strong as she makes out.

She needs you more than you realise, Edith.

Yes, I do worry about Sandra.

It's not as if you even know where you're off to, is it?

- Yeah, but that's part of the big adventure! - Mmm,

- Phil's big adventure. - Hey, mine too!

Think of all the places you've lived over the years.

Well, now it's my turn.

The truth is, I've been so happy,

coming here, feeling I'm part of a family again.

- I'm going to miss you so much, Edith. - I'll miss you too, Queenie,

but it's not as if we'll be gone forever.

Well, as far as Phil's concerned, it's forever.

Why don't you tell him you just need a bit more time,

- to get things settled? - I can't.

He says it's now or never.

- Queenie! - Oh, hello, Sandra. Ha-ha!

- Long day? - Oh, no, this is our usual time.

No rest for the wicked, eh?

I've just been past the estate agent.

- I see they've dropped the price of Phil's house. - Have they?!

- A lot. - Really?!

And they haven't even had one of those open-house days.

No, they haven't, have they?

- Why not? Phil refused. - Oh!

- They can really work, those. - Yeah.

And it's the sort of thing you'd do brilliantly, Sandra.

I know how much store you set by presentation.

Everything, Queenie. It is everything.

- Who's it with now? - Percy and Noble.

Oh, Roland Percy. I was at school with him.

I can imagine the sort of viewing day he'd put on.

He has the imagination of a used tea bag!

Still, seems criminal to throw away an opportunity like this.

Yeah. It does, doesn't it?

That was our best early-morning session so far.

Listen... Boop!

Ha-ha! We could be huge!