Mr. Vampire (殭屍先生)

Mr. vampire

executive producer: Leonard ho koon-cheung

producer: Sammo hung kam-Bo

planning: Eric tsang chi-wai, Barry wong ping-yiu

executive planner: Jacob cheung chi-leung

production manager: Jessica chan pui-wah

director: Ricky lau koon-wai

Dear uncles, brothers, and sisters, please come back for dinner.

Anyone passing our door is also a guest. You guys first.

Dear friends, you're welcome.

Don't go out. When you go out, they're full of life.

Lucky.

If all you brothers start to wreak havoc, I wouldn't know how to catch you.

Time to eat.

Time to eat.

Time to eat.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

Eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.

The number's right.

Game over!

Don't be afraid, it's me.

You bastard!

Look at you.

Jeez! No need to hide! I told you it was me!

Master, help!

Master, help!

- What's wrong? - Master, inside...

Master, it's me!

Whoa! Why're you so heavy-handed, senior?

Broken bones!

You don't need to, I'll do it.

I'll do it.

They can't feel anything!

Dentures?

Senior, how can it be?

They're all broken.

How can I explain?

Come and help, then!

You two guys!

Play all you want, but don't play with my brothers!

- Uncle, he... - Say no more! I'm leaving.

Stay two more days.

Senior, this...

Hope to see you again.

"Vast is the sky

"boundless are the wilds"

going home, lined up in a row.

Step-by-step, out of the mortuary.

Let's hit the road!

It's really late, why're you still here?

In a minute your aunt will ask me about you, go home!

Uncle, I'll help you.

- Good morning. - Uncle gau, good morning.

- So early? - Business good?

- Good morning. - Whoa! Why're you all dressed up?

- What's up? - Master's taking me to western tea.

Hurry along!

Master, can I not go with you to meet master yam?

What's wrong?

Have you had any arguments with master yam?

Nol

I don't even know what he looks like.

It's just, I'm all grown up, and haven't tasted western tea.

I'm afraid I'll make a fool of myself and embarrass master, that's all.

Rarely do you think of your master's reputation.

Good, very good!

You're afraid of embarrassing master?

Well, you best not go then.

I've never had western tea.

If I make a fool of myself, it'll be very disgraceful.

No, I'll take man choi with me.

If anyone has to be disgraced, I'll let him do it first.

Man choi!

I'm over here!

Master, you called me?

Now, seeing as you're so well-behaved today,

I'm taking you in to enlighten you on how to have western tea.

Great...

Let's go.

Sir, do you have a reservation?

I don't.

Didn't yam fat make a reservation for us?

Master yam? Please follow me.

Please.

This way.

Please.

- Uncle gau. - Master yam.

How are you? Please sit.

- Greet master yam. - Master yam.

That's alright, have a seat.

Please sit.

I hear your daughter has returned from the capital.

Didn't you come together?

That girl? She finished studying cosmetology.

She's been teaching people everywhere since she got back.

Jeez, seeing how ugly you look, your daughter can't be pretty!

Speak of the devil...

- Dad. - Greet uncle gau.

Uncle gau.

Sit.

She's all grown up.

Yeah, very grown up!

What would you like to drink?

- I want coffee. - Ok.

Caw-fee?

- Give me a cup of coffee. - I want coffee, too!

Master, are you having anything?

- I'll have a coffee, too. - Ok.

Master, I don't want coffee, I want... coffee, ok?

The order's been taken, leave it.

Uncle gau, regarding the reburial of my late father's coffin.

I wonder if you've chosen an auspicious day already?

I feel that you should think it over first.

In this type of situation, it would be better not to move him.

I've thought it over thoroughly.

Back then, the feng shui master, said:

'Twenty years from now, the coffin must be reburied'.

This will be good for us.

You shouldn't believe what a feng shui master says!

Then I shouldn't believe what you say!

That's right!

Children shouldn't interrupt adults when they're talking.

In that case, let's prepare to rebury in three days' time, between 3 and 5 pm.

What are we going to prepare?

Money, of course!

How much do you want?

Small tokens...

Master yam, 'millionaire' wong is here.

He's over there.

I'm going over to say 'hello'.

Uncle gau, as you please.

- Look after them, serve some custard tarts. - Sure.

Master, which of the two cups do I drink first: Black or white?

Are you that thirsty?

Uncle gau, my apologies.

Coffee needs to be drunk whilst hot.

Help yourself.

Please.

Uncle gau, you like drinking plain coffee?

Yes, I like drinking plain coffee.

Dad, I'll add milk for you.

Good.

Come...

Dad, I want to buy some Rouge gouache.

Go ahead, I'll find you in a little while.

- Eat. - Sure!

My pleasure.

Have you no manners?

Master yam, how many spoonfuls of sugar would you like?

No need...

You like to eat a plain tart?

Then I'll do it myself.

Master, it's very sweet!

Imagine you're eating candy.

I'm going to buy groceries now.

Soon, a hooker from happy red court will come in to do her shopping.

You better not bully her just because she's a prostitute.

Got it, auntie! You go get your groceries first.

Always charge hookers 30% extra.

I know what to do.

Excuse me, may I ask where can I buy Rouge gouache?

Wow! So pretty!

I wish she could be my wife.

What a pity!

Miss, please look around.

My aunt told me you were coming.

Who's your aunt?

The lady you were talking to just now.

I just asked her where I could buy Rouge gouache?

I don't know her at all.

Pretending?

Never mind if you don't know my aunt.

Try this kind of Rouge.

It's pretty good.

So, when did you learn to...?

Learn to do this?

Learning is the same as doing.

When I was twelve, my mum taught me.

What? Your mum taught you?

Yes!

Unfortunately, she died prematurely.

So, I had to go to the capital to learn.

This colour's so beautiful.

How old are you now?

Eighteen years old.

So, she's been doing it for six years?

Have you ever thought about when you'll stop working?

No.

If I'm not dead at eighty, I'll carry on doing it.

You're not being forced?

My goodness! This is my hobby, why would I be forced?

All women like doing this.

Have you ever thought about leaving?

No.

I want to take what I've learnt in the capital,

and teach it to the girls here.

They're going to love it.

It's a good job you're happy, but you mustn't corrupt others, too!

How can you be so backward thinking?

It's not backward thinking, it's a question of morality.