The Nanny

Oh, would you relax?

I'm sure Hillary's caught Al Gore doing the same thing

Just let me finish the fantasy. -Go ahead.

Miss Babcock, you're fired.

-Because? -I'm in love with Miss Fine.

I just love playing this game.

Where is he, anyway? At some boring business dinner

Well, if you must know, and I know you must, he's gone to a party.

-Get out of here. -That's what I told him

Well, you know what this means, don't you?

Yes. That he's finally letting go of the pastand rejoining the world of the living>

No. That his Jacuzzi tub is free.

No, no, no. Forget it, Miss Fine.There's a problem with that tub.

-Oh? What? -It's taken.Oh.

No, you don't.

Oops. I locked the door. And would you look how filthy this key is.

I better go wash it in the Jacuzzi. Na-na-na-na-na

Hey, hey, hey.

Too many doors in this house. It's like Laugh-In

Aren't you gonna get it?

I can let a phone ring. Can you?

It might be that fabulous man you were telling your mother about

No. He wouldn't call.

-Why not? -I made him up.

It could be Visa increasing your limit.

-Hello. -Sucker.

Oh, it's you, Mr. Sheffield.Well, where are you?

Oh, he sounds like he's had too much to drink

All right. Stay where you are. I'm gonna come and get you

-I'll get my coat. -Don't bother.

Goodbye, Miss Fine.

Well, hello, Miss Fine.

Someone's 100 proof. Don't light a match

Why so shocked? Your father never came home inebriated?

No. We're Jewish.

He came home gaseous.

Never lit a match then, either.

Okay, Mr. Sheffield, calm down.

That's not even attractive from Rod Stewart any more

No! Good morning, everyone!

Dad, are you sick? No, no, no. I'm feeling fine, Margaret

That's Gracie.

Oh, when did we have her?

Never mind when we had her. When can we start making another one

Miss Fine, leave Mr. Sheffield alone. He's in a very vulnerable state

-Niles, isn't that my watch? -Oh, yes, sir, and thank you. I love it

Well, I hope last night was worth this morning

You know, you really shouldn't drink like that

Miss Fine, you're a beautiful woman. Do you find me attractive

On the other hand, a little booze is good for the heart

Not one woman spoke to me at that party last night the whole evening.

As a matter of fact, they all avoided me like the plague

Well, maybe it's because of that.

I beg your pardon?

Your wedding ring.

You know, believe it or not, some women find it a turnoff.

Conjures up images of a beautiful house, three children, a nanny with a 20-inch wais>

You know, Miss Fine, you might think this foolish,

but wearing this ring helps me to remember my wife

Oh, you're never gonna forget her.

Just look at Maggie's smile or Gracie's eyes or Brighton's..

Did your wife take any trips?

Let me ask you something.

When you fill out your taxes, what do you put in marital status?

-"S" or "M?" -"S."All right.

So you told Uncle Sam you're single.

Maybe it's time you told yourself.

-But I want to be an "M" again. -Yeah, well, I want to be an "M," too.

But first you gotta get out there and make an "S" out of yourself

Try this, sir. It's my father's hangover remedy.

Oh, thank you, Niles.

Oh, Niles, it's far too early in the morning for anything this repulsive

Hello, hello.

Mr. Sheffield wants you to go home and come back in an hour

-It isn't working. -So sorry.

Forgot the hair of the dog.

Maxwell, look at this.

Andrew Lloyd Webber's made the New York Times crossword puzzle.

What? Why can't I be in the bloody crossword puzzle?

I've produced more plays than he has.

Yeah, and your plays are better than his'cause you can always get tickets for you>

and his are sold out for months.

What?

Maxwell, what have I been telling you for the past 10 years?

"Send that chorus boy to my room"?

No. Get yourself...

No!

Get yourself a publicist.

I know just the person. Sydney Mercer.

He's an old coot, but he is the best PR man in the business.

No, C.C. Forget it. Self-promotion is so tacky.

No. Not if you do it right.

Get the guy that's handling Hugh Grant's hooker.

She's coming across very classy.

Fran, what you doing?

Oh, Weight Watchers is very strict. They only allow you one cookie

Hi. I'm Sydney Mercer. Miss Babcock is expecting me

Oh, no, she's not.

I'm gonna go tell Miss Babcock. -Oh, no, no, no. Butler's job. Butler's job

Come on in.

Are you Mrs. Sheffield? -Oh, no, I'm not his wife

I just live with him, run his life, and raise his kids

I'm Fran, the nanny. Come on in.

Niles... Niles, what is so damn important?

And may I present Sydney Mercer.

I know Sydney Mercer.

He's a fat, old, womanizing geezer.

He's my father.

And funny. Oh!

I love that guy.

Miss Mercer, right this way. Mr. Sheffield's sorry he's kept you.

We're all sorry he's kept you.

Max, you are a publicist's dream.

You are devastatingly handsome, sexy, and incredibly debonair

Wait. She hasn't even seen him do his Rod Stewart yet

Your only problem is that you have kept yourself a secret

Yes, yes, I'm a secret.

I was just telling everyone what a secret I was, right?

-He's such a secret. -Oh, yeah, he's a secret, all right

Oh, Max, we are gonna have so much fun together.

Just put yourself in my hands. Whoa. Whoa

Before Maxwell puts anything in your hands

he must discuss this with his partner.

We make all our important decisions together

You're hired.

Maxwell, I want a man.

The last one deflated when she nibbled his ear

And to think this morning I was so recalcitrant.

Eggs always do that to him.

Miss Fine, why are you here?

I don't know. Everyone was walking this way

Oh, look, Sydney got Mr. Sheffield on the cover of People magazine

Yeah. The worst dressed list.

Meanwhile, only the hippest and trendiest people end up on that list

They got Marsha Clark on the best dressed. Case closed

Oh. Meanwhile, I think he looks gorgeous.

But who's that cheap floozy squeezing into the picture behind him

Oh! I'm in People magazine.

Listen to this. Liz Smith.

"Broadway producer, Maxwell Sheffield"

"has hired the young, vivacious Sydney Mercer to promote him.

Promote, my ass.

All right. But we'll need a two-page spread

Hello, people!

Anyone catch me on Ricki Lake?

Yes. And you looked gorgeous.

Oh, that Bea Arthur was making such eyes for you

Whoa. If it isn't the lost Baldwin brother, Pappy

You know, darling, I think we should celebrate our success.

How's this sound to you?

The Rainbow Room; Dinner, dancing. Free tonight?

As a bird.

Oh, so I can take care of the kids.

Darling, there is no one I would rather have dinner with.

See you at 8:00?

Oh, did you see how many holes he has in his jeans

-12. -12.

Well, I talked him out of the leather pants

Then I spent the next hour getting him out of the leather pants

Took you an hour to get a pair of pants off of a man?

Next time, try wearing a little Chanel No. 5 and a tube top

Miss Fine, this is serious. Our little boy is noticing girls.

Oh, please, he's not ready to take the plunge with Sydney

The man is a scared, timid little puppy

Well, night all. And don't wait up.

Well, wait a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa. There's something different about you.

You took off your wedding ring.

My bloody hand's in my pocket. How could you possibly know that

Oh, I could spot a man without a wedding ring a mile away

Oh, there's one. There's one.

There's another one.

What the hell am I doing in here?