Doctor Who

Turn that down.

Turn it off, Steve, man. Turn it off! John, shut up!

Rose!

- Mickey! - Jackie, it's the Tardis.

I know, I know. I heard it. She's alive, Mickey.

I said so, didn't I? She's alive!

- Just shut up a minute. - Where is it, then?

Here we are, then. London, Earth, the solar system, isn't it?

Jackie, Mickey, blimey! No, no, no, no. Hold on.

Wait there. What was I going to say?

There was something I had to tell you. Something important. What was it?

No, hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Oh! I know.

Merry Christmas!

- What happened? Is he all right? - I don't know. He just keeled over.

- But who is he? Where's the Doctor? - That's him.

Right in front of you. That's the Doctor.

What do you mean, that's the Doctor? Doctor who?

Here we go. Tina the cleaner's got this lodger, medical student.

And she was fast asleep so I just took it.

I still say we should take him to hospital.

We can't. They'd lock him up. They'd dissect him.

One bottle of his blood could change the future of the human race.

No... Shh.

- Both working. - What do you mean, both?

- Well, he's got two hearts. - Oh, don't be stupid.

He has.

- Anything else he's got two of? - Leave him alone.

How can he go changing his face?

Is that a different face or is he a different person?

How should I know?

Sorry.

The thing is, I thought I knew him, Mum.

I thought me and him were...

And then he goes and does this.

I keep forgetting he's not human.

The big question is...

where'd you get a pair of men's pyjamas from?

- Howard's been staying over. - What, Howard from the market?

- How long has that been going on? - A month or so.

First of all he starts delivering to the door and I thought, "That's odd."

- Next thing you know, it's a bag of oranges. - Is that Harriet Jones?

- Never mind me. - Why is she on the telly?

She's Prime Minister now. I'm 18 quid a week better off.

They're calling it Britain's golden age.

- I keep on saying my Rose has met her. - Did more than that.

Stopped World War III with her.

Harriet Jones.

What about those calling the Guinevere One space probe a waste of money?

Now that's where you're wrong. I completely disagree if you don't mind.

The Guinevere One space probe represents this country's limitless ambition.

British workmanship sailing up there among the stars.

This is the spirit of Christmas, birth and rejoicing

and the dawn of a new age, and that is what we 're achieving

50 mill/on miles away, our very own miracle.

The unmanned probe Guinevere One

is about to make its final descent.

Photographs of the Martian landscape should be received by midnight tonight.

- So what do you need, 20 quid? - Do you mind? I'll pay you back.

Call it a Christmas present!

You just forget about Christmas and things in the Tardis.

They don't exist. You get sort of... timeless.

Oh, yeah, that's fascinating because I love hearing stories about the Tardis.

Ooh, go on, Rose, tell us another one

'cause I swear I could listen to it all day, "Tardis this, Tardis that."

Shut up.

"Oh, and one time the Tardis landed in a big, yellow garden full of balloons."

- I'm not like that. - Oh, you so are.

Hmm, must drive you mad. I'm surprised you don't give up on me.

Well, that's the thing, isn't it? You can rely on me. I don't go changing my face.

Yeah.

- What if he's dying? - Okay...

Sorry!

Just let it be Christmas. Can you do that?

Just for a bit. You and me and Christmas.

No... No Doctor.

No bog monsters. No life or death.

Okay.

- Promise? - Yes.

Right. What are we gonna get for your mum?

I'm round there all the time now, you know. She does me dinner on a Sunday...

It's us. They're after us.

What's going on? What have we done? Why are they after us?

Taxi!

They're after the Doctor.

I can't even go shopping with you, we get attacked by a brass band.

- Who you phoning? - My mum.

She turns up, no warning. I've got nothing in.

I said, "Rose, if you want a Christmas dinner of meat paste, then so be it."

Get off the phone!

Well, who were those... those Santa things?

I don't know. But think about it, they were after us.

What's important about us? We're nothing.

Except the one thing we've got tucked up in bed. The Doctor.

Oh, no, don't come round, darling. No, the? At's all topsy-turvy.

Yeah, she just barges in and litters the place.

Yeah. No, I'll come round and see you on Boxing Day.

- Save us a chipolata... - Get off the phone! Get off the phone.

It's only Bev. She says hello.

Bev? Yeah, look, it'll have to wait.

Right. It's not safe, we've got to get out. Where can we go?

- My mate Stan. He'll put us up. - That's only two streets away.

- What about Mo? Where's she living now? - I don't know. Peak District.

We'll go to cousin Mo's, then.

It's Christmas Eve, we're not going anywhere.

- What are you babbling about? - Mum...

Where'd you get that tree?

That's a new tree. Where'd you get it?

- I thought it was you. - How can it be me?

You went shopping, there was a ring at the door and there it was.

No, that wasn't me.

Then who was it?

Oh, you're kidding me.

Let's go! Quick, get out!

- We've got to save the Doctor. - What are you doing?

We can't just leave him.

Mickey!

Mickey! Get out, get out!

Mickey! Get out of there.

- No! Leave him, just leave him! - Get in here.

Doctor, wake up.

I'm gonna get killed by a Christmas tree!

Help me.

Remote control.

But who's controlling it?

- That's them. What are they? - Shh.

They've just gone! What kind of rubbish were they?

I mean, no of fence, but they're not much cop

if a sonic screwd river's gonna scare them off.

- Pilot fish. - What?

They were just pilot fish.

What's wrong?

You woke me up too soon.

I'm still regenerating. I'm bursting with energy.

You see? The pilot fish could smell it a million miles away.

So they eliminate the defence, that's you lot, and they carry me off.

They could run their batteries off me for a couple of years!

Oh, oh, oh!

My head.

- I'm having a neural implosion. I need... - What do you need?

- I need... - just say. Tell me, tell me.

- Painkillers? Aspirin? - I need...

Codeine? Paracetamol? Oh, I don't know. Pepto-Bismol?

Liquid paraffin. Vitamin C, vitamin D, vitamin E!

- I need... - Is it food? Something simple.

Bowl of soup? Nice bowl of soup?

Soup and a sandwich? Oh, soup and a little ham sandwich?

- I need you to shut up. - Oh, he hasn't changed that much.

We haven't got much time. If there's pilot fish then...

Why is there an apple in my dressing gown?

- That's Howard, sorry. - He keeps apples in his dressing gown?

He gets hungry.

- What, he gets hungry in his sleep? - Sometimes.

Brain collapsing.

The... The pilot fish...

The pilot fish mean there's something...

There's something...

Something is coming.

Jackie, I'm using the phone line, is that all right?

Yeah, keep account of it.

It's midnight.

Christmas Day.

- Any change? - He's worse.

Just one heart beating.

Scientists in charge of Britain's mission to Mars

have re-established contact with the Guinevere One space probe.

They're expecting the first transmission

from the planet's surface in the next few minutes.

Ye; We are. We are back on schedule.

We've received the signal from Guinevere One.

The Mars landing would seem to be an unqualified success.

But is it true that you completely lost contact early tonight?

Yes, we had a bit of a scare.

Guinevere seemed to fall off the scope but it was just a blip.

Only disappeared for a few seconds.

She is fine now, absolutely fine.

We 're getting the first pictures transmitted live any minute now.

I'd better get back to it. Thanks.

Here we go. Pilot fish.

Scavengers like the Doctor said. Harmless, they're tiny.

But the point is the little fish swim alongside the big fish.

- Do you mean like sharks? - Great, big sharks.

So what the Doctor means is we had them, now we get that.

Something is coming.

- Martian landscape of rocks... - How close?

There's no way of telling. But the pilot fish don't swim far from their daddy.

- So it's close. - Funny sort of rocks.

That's not rocks.

This is being transmitted via Mission Control

and it's coming live from the depths of space on Christmas morning.

The face of an alien life form was transmitted live tonight on BBC ONE.

On the 25th of December, the human race has been shown absolute proof

that alien life exists.

These remarkable images have been relayed right across the world.

This way, sir.

Mr Llewellyn.

Security sweep at 0576.

Mr Llewellyn, ma'am.

- Harriet Jones, Prime Minister. - Well, yes, I know who you are.

- I suppose I've ruined your Christmas. - Never off duty.