Too Late

Like in those movies that start out as a simple misunderstanding.

Then it snowballs until the situation

gets completely out of control.

Then the main character has to explain

everything that happened.

But the person they're explaining it to

is never really gonna understand

because they weren't there.

I always thought it would be great

if they could just hand them a copy of the movie and say,

"Watch this, it'll explain everything."

What?

Like in Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead.

When the mom comes home at the end of the movie,

and everything's out of control,

Christina Applegate could just give her mom a tape

of Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead.

The character in the movie has a copy of the movie?

Yeah.

Like the actual VHS you can buy at the store with a cover and everything.

Yeah!

That's fucking retarded.

But then the mom could watch it,

see everything that happened,

and how it all started out so innocent.

Give that bitch a Blu-ray, maybe.

-I mean, wouldn't that be fucking cool? -Jesus Christ!

Look at that tasty bitch.

It was an ordinary day for Matthew and Jesse

until a hot piece of ass

turned their world upside down.

-Hello there. - Hey!

Hey.

Can I ask you guys a favor? My phone died.

Do you have one I could borrow?

Of course. Jesse, give her your phone.

-Thank you so much. I'll only be a minute. -Sure.

Hello?

Hey, I was, um...

Um, I was looking for Mel.

Okay.

-Is he-- -There's a girl on the phone for you.

I told her you were busy eating my pussy out.

Don't fuck around, this is a business line.

Samson.

Hey, Mel, it's Dorothy.

-About three years ago we-- -I remember.

Long time no talk, huh?

- Is this a bad time? -No.

I know it's been a while, but--

Are you okay?

Uh...

A good question, I don't know exactly.

Where are you?

On Radio Hill, across from Dodgers Stadium.

Do you know where that is?

I do, yeah. I'm close.

-Okay. Thanks. -Be there soon.

Uh...

Just lock up on your way out.

I thought we were getting Chinese food.

What the fuck?

It's Mel, huh?

That's right.

You want my number, Mel?

Yeah, right it down.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

-I really appreciate it. -Yeah, no problem.

-I'm Matthew, by the way. -Hey. Dorothy.

Dorothy?

-Pleasure to meet you. -This is Jesse.

-Hey. -Hey.

So, what brings you all the way up here on this...

fine morning?

Uh, I don't know, just trying to clear my head, I guess.

All right.

What about you guys?

Oh, well, uh...

We're selling drugs.

-Really? -Yeah.

What's your poison? Weed, mushrooms, acid,

we got whatever you need to clear your head.

-Oh, my God. -Come on.

It's on the house.

I don't really do that kind of thing.

Ah, good girl, huh?

Hardly. I did ecstasy once.

-Ooh-la-la. -Ah, it's not sexual,

-you know that. -Hmm.

-Just felt good. -Yeah.

Do you guys have any of that?

-I could stand to feel good right about now. -Of course.

Jesse, give the fine lady some ecstasy.

-Milady. -Thanks.

This is so stupid.

-All right. -We gotta meet in the Butterfly Garden.

Ah, so, we gotta go see a customer in the Butterfly Garden.

But, do you wanna join us for brunch?

I'm supposed to be meeting a friend.

-We're your friends now. -

-Why, you're still gonna here in ten minutes? -I hope not.

Now, now,

you stay right here,

we'll come back and whisk you away for some mimosas,

some French toast, little bacon infused caramel sauce.

We'll see.

Oh, we will see... you at brunch.

That's against park policy.

Oh, my God.

Have you been there this whole time?

You scared the shit out of me.

Oh, just long enough to let this tree grow up around me.

Now, you stopped me midstream.

Well, that's bad for the kidneys.

You want I should close my eyes?

No, I think the moment's passed.

To be honest, I didn't know whether to pipe up or just enjoy the show.

I thought I was up here all alone,

I didn't realize people came around nowadays.

We don't get much foot traffic.

Just the lovers, the dreamers and me.

I guess I'm the dreamer.

What does that make you?

Uh, I'm a different sort altogether.

Well, now that we're acquaint...

Uh...

I've been up for...

thirty two hours and haven't eaten in almost that long.

Do you got another one of those Pink Ladies?

I always carry two apples,

just in case I make a friend.

Thanks.

I'm supposed to be meeting a friend, but I...

guess I could pass the time.

Well, it's a proven fact that every job goes quicker

when you got two people on it.

So the two of us working together,

we'll get your time passed before the whistle blows.

That's a refreshingly sanguine way of looking at the world.

-I'm Dorothy, by the way. -Fontaine.

It's pleasure to meet you, Dorothy.

What's your first name?

Uh, I guess we'll just stick to Fontaine,

if it's all right with you.

Uh-huh.

I'm not calling you Fontaine like one of your locker room buddies.

My given name ain't much if you ask me,

which of course nobody ever did before seeing fit that it stuck to me.

Listen, I've been hearing about

red shoes and tornadoes my whole damn life.

So, you're not gonna get any sympathy from me. Let's have it.

Yeah.

It's Skippy, if you gotta stick your nose in it.

Skippy Fontaine.

-That's bad. -Yeah, all right.

Let's just keep things moving forward.

What do you do for a living, Dorothy?

I'm a dancer.

You mean, like ballet?

Or you mean maybe the dirty kind?

I mean, maybe the dirty kind.

I knew it.

You got that twinkle in your eye.

It's kind of you to notice my eyes.

Well, there's nothing wrong with it.

My mother was a stripper.

My grandmother was a stripper.

I come from a long line of strippers.

Well, I'm definitely first generation.

Now, on my dad's side, I come from a long line of park rangers.

And strippers and rangers get along real good together, you know why?

They both like to bask in natural beauty.

You're a hoot.

Well, I'm giving my best material

because it sounds like I got precious few minutes

to make an impression before your friend gets here.

What time's she due?

He.

O, well that tears it. Nice to meet you.

Oh, come on, you only wanna talk to me if you think

you can get in my pants?

Not at all.

But it does add a...

exciting air of mystery to the scene.

Well, he's not my boyfriend.

Not that that should matter.

Just a friend, huh?

I don't know. He's just a guy

I met few years back and I haven't seen him since.

Well, what so special about him?

Nothing special. There's some people that

you don't forget.

Even if you only seen 'em one time or two.

Now that's poetry.

Hmm.