The Breakfast Club

Hey, hey, hey, hey

Won't you come see about me?

I'll be alone, dancing You know it, baby

Tell me your troubles and doubts

Giving me everything inside and out and

Love's strange So real in the dark

Think of the tender things that we were working on

Slow change may pull us apart

When the light gets into your heart, baby

Don't you forget about me

Don't, don't, don't, don't

Don't you forget about me

Will you stand above me?

Look my way but never love me

Rain keeps falling Rain keeps falling

Down, down, down

Saturday, March 24, 1984.

Shermer High School, Shermer, Illinois, 60062.

Dear Mr. Vernon.

We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention

for whatever it was we did wrong.

What we did was wrong

but we think you're crazy to make us write an essay

telling you who we think we are.

What do you care?

You see us as you want to see us,

in the simplest terms, with the most convenient definitions.

You see us as a brain,

an athlete, a basket case,

a princess,

and a criminal.

Correct?

That's the way we saw each other at 7: 00 this morning.

We were brainwashed.

I can't believe you can't get me out of this.

It's so absurd I have to be here on a Saturday.

It's not like I'm a defective or anything.

I'll make it up to you.

Honey, ditching class to go shopping doesn't make you a defective.

Have a good day.

Is this the first time or last time we do this?

Last.

Well, get in there and use the time to your advantage.

Mom, we're not supposed to study. We have to sit there and do nothing.

Well, mister, you figure out a way to study.

Yeah.

Well, go.

Hey, I screwed around.

Guys screw around. There's nothing wrong with that,

except you got caught, sport.

Yeah, Mom already reamed me, all right?

You want to miss a match? You want to blow your ride?

Now, no school is gonna give a scholarship to a discipline case.

Well, well. Here we are.

I wanna congratulate you for being on time.

Excuse me, sir? I think there's been a mistake.

I know it's detention, but I don't think I belong in here.

It is now 7:06.

You have exactly eight hours and 54 minutes to think about why you're here.

Ponder the error of your ways.

You may not talk.

You will not move from these seats.

And you will not sleep.

All right, people, we're going to try something a little different today.

We are going to write an essay of no less than 1 000 words

describing to me who you think you are.

Is this a test?

And when I say essay, I mean essay.

I do not mean a single word repeated 1 000 times.

Is that clear, Mr. Bender?

Crystal.

Good. Maybe you'll learn something about yourself.

Maybe you'll even decide whether or not you care to return.

I can answer that right now, sir. That'd be "no" for me, 'cause...

Sit down, Johnson.

Thank you, sir.

My office is right across that hall. Any monkey business is ill-advised.

Any questions?

Yeah. I got a question.

Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?

I'll give you the answer to that question, Mr. Bender, next Saturday.

Don't mess with the bull, young man, you'll get the horns.

That man is a brownie hound.

You keep eating your hand, you're not going to be hungry for lunch.

I've seen you before, you know.

Who I think I am.

Who are you?

Who are you?

I am a walrus.

It's the shits, huh?

I can't believe this is really happening to me.

Oh, shit!

What are we supposed to do if we have to piss?

Please.

If you got to go, you got to go.

Oh, my God.

You're not urinating in here, man.

Don't talk. Don't talk. It makes it crawl back up.

You whip it out, you're dead before the first drop hits the floor.

You're pretty sexy when you get angry.

Hey, homeboy, why don't you go close that door?

We'll get the prom queen impregnated.

Hey. Hey!

What?

If I lose my temper, you're totaled, man.

Totally?

Totally.

Why don't you shut up? Nobody here's interested.

Really. Buttface.

Hey, sporto, what'd you do to get in here? Forget to wash your jock?

Excuse me, fellows, I think we should just write our papers.

Just because you live in here

doesn't give you the right to be a pain in the ass.

So knock it off!

It's a free country.

He's just doing it to get a rise out of you. Just ignore him.

Sweets.

You couldn't ignore me if you tried.

So...

So,

are you guys like boyfriend-girlfriend?

Steady dates?

Lovers?

Come on, sporto. Level with me.

Do you slip her the hot-beef injection?

Go to hell! Enough!

Hey! What's going on in there?

Spoiled little pricks.

Scumbag.

What do you say we close that door?

Can't have any kind of party with Vernon checking us out every few seconds.

You know the door's supposed to stay open.

So what? So why don't you just shut up?

There's four other people in here, you know?

God, you can count. I knew you had to be smart to be a wrestler.

Who the hell are you to judge anybody anyway?

Really.

You know, Bender, you don't even count.

If you disappear forever, it wouldn't make any difference.

You may as well not even exist at this school.

Well, I'll run right out and join the wrestling team.

Maybe the prep club, too. Student council.

No. They wouldn't take you.

I'm hurt.

You know why guys like you knock everything?

This should be stunning.

Because you're afraid.

Oh, God. You richies are so smart.

That's exactly why I'm not heavy in activities.

You're a big coward.

I'm in a Math Club.

You're afraid that they won't take you, you don't belong, so you dump all over it.

Well, it wouldn't have anything to do

with you activities people being assholes, would it?

Well, you wouldn't know. You don't even know any of us.

Well, I don't know any lepers either,

but I'm not going to run and join one of their fucking clubs.

Hey, let's watch the mouth, huh?

I'm in Physics Club, too.

Excuse me a sec. What are you babbling about?

What I said was that I'm in the Math Club,

the Latin Club and the Physics Club. Physics Club.

Hey. Cherry.

Do you belong to the Physics Club?

That's an academic club.

So?

Academic clubs aren't the same as other kinds of clubs.

But to dorks like him, they are.

What do you guys do in your club?

In physics, well, we talk about physics. Properties of physics.

So it's sort of social. Demented and sad, but social, right?

I guess you could consider it a social situation.

I mean, there are other children in my club.

And at the end of the year, we have... We have a big banquet at the Hilton.

You load up. You party.

No. We get dressed up, but we don't get high.

Only burners like you get high.

And I didn't have any shoes, so I had to borrow my dad's.

It's weird 'cause my mom doesn't like me to wear other people's shoes.

My cousin Kent... My cousin Kendall from Indiana, he got high once.

And, you know, he started eating, like, really weird foods.

Then he felt like he didn't belong anywhere, kind of like Twilight Zone, kind of.

Sounds like you.

You guys keep up your talking and Vernon's gonna come in.

I got a meet this Saturday,

and I'm not gonna miss it on account of you boneheads.

Oh, and wouldn't that be a bite? Missing a whole wrestling meet?

You wouldn't know anything about it, faggot.

You never competed in your whole life.

Oh, I know. I feel all empty inside because of it.

I have such a deep admiration for guys who roll around on the floor with other guys.

You'd never miss it. You don't have any goals.

Oh, but I do. I want to be just like you.

I figure all I need's a lobotomy and some tights.

You wear tights?

No, I don't wear tights. I wear the required uniform.

Tights. Shut up.

There's not supposed to be any monkey business.

Young man, have you finished your paper?

Bender. Don't screw around.