Anything Goes

- Where's Billy? - He hasn't shown up yet.

Fine pal, I'm sailing tonight he doesn't even show.

Oh, he'll be here. Keep your shirt on.

You fool, so you finally got here!

I'm sorry to be late but I had big business.

- Hello, all. - Hello, Billy.

Oh, gee, Billy I wish you were sailing with us.

- So do I. - Why don't you?

A vacation will do you good.

- We'll have a lot of fun together in London. - I know, but what's the use of talking?

The boss is going away and he's leaving me in full charge.

Now, if I make good, he's going to promote me from general manager to junior partner.

- And what does that mean? - What does it mean?

Well, uh... what does it mean? Well, maybe $10 more a week or something.

- Success! - And that's not all.

Next year I'm going away and I'll leave the boss in charge.

Now, if the kid makes good, I'm going to make him junior partner...

...and that makes me the senior partner, get it?

Yeah, I get it. I get everything.

Except what I want.

I beg your pardon, but...

I couldn't help but noticing you seem to be in some trouble or something.

Could I... could I help you?

Oh, thanks.

You're Miss Hope Harcourt, ain't you?

Yes.

I got a message for you, will you come outside?

Don't go, miss, they're...

Got a watch?

Sit where you are. And don't move for five minutes.

Now be a good little boy.

Well, what's the idea?

Uh... go... go away.

What are you doing over here?

Nothing... I'll be with you in a minute.

In about two minutes and thirty-six seconds.

- Say what is this, a gag or something? - No.

Get your fares here for the Steamship Americana.

- Here she comes! - Who?

Reno and her widows!

Hello, Reno, how about a picture? Hello, Billy!

Here, come on, this way, kids.

Watch the kid get off, folks, are you ready, girls?

One, two, three, four.

And one, two, three, straight.

And one, two, three, straight.

And one, two, three, hold it!

Oh... hello, boss, I've been looking all over the boat for you.

Hello, Billy, I hardly expected you to...

You didn't think I was going to let you leave without saying goodbye, did you?

- It'll only be a minute. Where'll you be? - If I'm not at the chapel, I'll be in the bar.

Come on, kids!

Right here, please, Bishop, thank you very much indeed.

- Snuff your shutter, Rembrandt. - Who do you got there?

A missionary and a couple of celestials.

Take the missionary for a walk and I'll get you a real pitcher.

- Okay, kid. - Oh, Bishop...

Uh, would you give me a little dope about yourself?

But my photograph, I thought...

But we want to get a picture of you walking up the stairs.

- Oh, I see. - What is the purpose of this trip, Bishop?

Oh, I'm on my way to attend the West Minister Conference.

Confidentially, do you wish to cable your English correspondent?

The entire conference will be at the Southampton docks to welcome me.

And our Chinese body will be there also to do honor to my boys.

That's all very interesting. It'll make a swell story for our Chinese edition.

- What are those guys doing down here? - Who are they?

- They're G-men. - G-men?

Yeah, they're here for a pinch.

Hello, Mr. Whiskers.

- Wise guy. - Yeah!

Oh, you're not down here for the ride. Give me the story.

Maybe there won't be any story. We're looking for a couple of mugs, that's all.

- They're trying to make a getaway. - Well, who are they?

- Maybe I can help you out. - One of them's dressed up like a preacher.

All ashore that's going ashore!

All ashore that's going ashore!

I beg your pardon.

All ashore that's going ashore!

You oughta look where you're going.

Hey, fix the violin, fix the violin!

Bonnie, it scares me to death, I'll never get used to this thing.

Well, anyway you got on alright.

Yeah, but I'm going to get into trouble in this getup.

I don't know how to act like a minister.

I don't see why I couldn't have been a cowboy or an Indian squaw or something.

Now, you look great in that preacher suit, Mooney.

I'd hardly know you myself.

Now just keep your head and we'll make a clean getaway.

I'll go find Snake Eyes.

Hey, Bonnie, Bonnie!

Charlie! Wayne!

Oh, Charlie! Oh, Wayne!

Oh, Ch...

Doctor, I beg your pardon.

May I present myself? The name is Bishop Henry T. Dobson.

Yeah, hello, hello, Bish.

Are you... are you on your way to the conference?

Uh... no, no, no, I think I'll go to bed early tonight.

No, no, I mean the West Minister Conference.

Well, you see, I'm not exactly a West Minister. I'm more in the East.

I see. Well Doctor, may I ask, what is your field?

Well, I'm a kind of a sort of uh...

Uh... missionary.

- Missionary! - Yeah.

- Where? - Oh, way out in China.

- China? - Yeah... way out in China.

Why! Singular thing!

I've served in China for years.

- Oh, yes? - Yes!

Well, uh... You see, I wasn't exactly in China,

- I was more in uh... - Oh, I see, you, you were in Indochina.

Yeah, yeah, yeah... I was in Indochina and you was in...

...Outdoorchina.

Well, we shall see lots of each other, I hope, and... I'll see you later.

Yeah, well, make it as late as possible, won't you?

Oh, pai-ong-lei, long long lei!

Well, I don't know, maybe the captain will tell you about that, I...

A hundred and nineteen and three quarters.

Settled. I got you, Mr. Whitney.

That's fine, William.

I think that's everything. Remember, William, I'm depending on you.

And I won't let you down, sir. Pleasant voyage.

- Thank you. Goodbye. - Goodbye.

- Moon, come here. - What's the matter?

There's a couple of dicks on board and they're looking for you and Snake Eyes.

- Wha-h-h-h-how do you know? - I've been trailing them.

Y-y-y-you better take the harmonica. Where can I hide?

Stay away from your cabin, they're watching that.

- Get into a group. - But... get into a what?

Get into a group of passengers. I'll find you later.

- Hey Billy! - Billy, here we are!

Glad you weren't in the chapel.

Well, I just got time for one short bonus, then I gotta go.

You know the boat's gonna sail in a minute.

Oh, Billy, come on along.

- Sure, stay with the group. - You know I can't, Reno.

But Billy, I can't have any fun in London without you.

What do you mean, you'll be a riot in London.

You'll have those monocles dropping in your lap like flowers.

- Is that so? - I want you there too.

- I'll be there. - Say, Doctor,

would you mind converting somebody else, I'm beyond help, I think.

Well, that's me. Time to get off.

That's him.

There he is. Let's go.

Now Billy, this is your last chance. Are you sailing with me or aren't you?

You know I'd love to, but I've got to work.

Listen, listen, why can't we be grouping?

- Holy tomatoes! - Oh, that man is in again!

Hey, widows, hey!

Listen, will you sort of kick this fellow around till he gets lost?

Wayne! Charlie! Whe...

I beg your pardon, have you seen anything of two Chinese gentlemen?

No, sir, no, sir.

The clergy's imposing on me, honey.

- Good evening, Bishop. - Oh, how do you do?

- You are the Bishop? - Oh, yes, my name's Henry T. Dobson.

- D-D-L-L-V-D-A. - Okay, this way.

- I know, but gentlemen... - Hold it a second, Bishop.

All ashore that's going ashore.

All ashore that's going ashore.

Listen, I'll tell you what you do.

You grab yourself a place up there on the upper deck and I'll be waving for you.

Make that last until you get back.

- Bye, kids! - Bye!

Well, are you coming down or are you going up?

Make up your mind, sir. Are you coming aboard or going ashore?

Gangway!

Hello!

Billy! So you're sailing with me after all.

Oh, I'm so happy! What happened?

Well... you see, there's a girl on this boat.

- A girl. - The most beautiful face I've ever seen.