Terror Firmer

Boy, the kind of king sized pussy that I like.

Hey, what are you doing?

Hey, what are you doing to my leg?

Fucking bitch, that's my leg!

My baby!

My baby!

No doubt about it.

What we got here is your basic serial killer.

Son, all of my love.

Forever, Dad.

Terribly sorry.

I seem to have a tooth stuck in my nose.

Cut, cut, cut!

Christine, I'll have this cleaned up for you in a second.

Ooh, a little bit of blue paint.

Not a problem.

You OK, baby?

You're stepping on my balls.

Of course not, you idiot.

I'm all covered in shit and snot.

I'll get you some more towels.

Here... here Christine.

My name's Jennifer, and I'm a PA.

Oh, lesbos.

You OK?

Yeah.

Don't worry about that guy.

He's a real mother scratcher.

Yeah.

No, I'm... I'm OK.

Thanks.

I'll be over here if you need me.

OK,

Blind director coming through.

Christine, that was great.

That was terrific.

Now all we have to do are a couple of pickups,

and we go right home.

Larry, my contract says 15 hours,

and I've been here 22 hours now.

I want to go home.

Well, of course you're going to go home.

You know, when we were doing that closeup, Christine,

I could have sworn you were Marilyn Monroe

in... in "River of No Return."

You were so beautiful.

Really, Larry?

Marilyn Monroe?

Well, maybe I could go a couple more times.

How do I look?

You look great, Marilyn... I mean, Christine.

Nice tits.

Pig.

Ew, Jerry, you disgusting freak.

Get away from me with that stuff.

Come on, Wardy poodle.

Don't tell me this little nose bleed is bothering you, buddy.

Not as much as your ugly face.

But why did you get into this stuff anyway?

Hm, why do you look at the crack of a man's

ass and thing, lunch time?

No wonder I lose my appetite when I look at you, sicko.

Look at these people.

They're miserable.

Hey, hey, hey.

Now listen, tushy pusher.

I love my job.

I don't even get paid to be here.

As a matter of fact, I would pay to be here.

So, if these people don't like it, they can get the fuck out.

Oh... oh, wouldn't know it?

I missed a spot with the blood.

Blood boy.

Blood boy!

You know Jerry, there are many ways

to express one's self other than more blood, more blood.

Here, hold this.

Ew.

OK, well I could try expressing myself

a bit more physically by giving you a nice punch

in the fucking lungs.

How would you like that, huh?

You shouldn't hit me.

I shouldn't hit you.

And why is that, my friend?

Well because you'll be nothing but a quivering

heap of pasty white flesh lying on the ground

begging for your momma.

Would you like that?

No.

I'm sorry.

No, I wouldn't like that at all, Casey, sir.

Come on. Come on.

It's a fake knife.

Come on.

What?

Really funny, Jerry.

I guess my father taught me a somewhat

different sense of humor.

I bet he did.

I'm glad that wasn't a real knife.

Come on.

Of course it wasn't.

We wouldn't even allow a butter knife on the set.

You know Benjamin's three rules of safety.

One, safety to humans.

Two, safety to people's property.

And three, make a good movie.

Yeah, too bead he can't seem to get rule three right.

Hey Jennifer, can you come here and hold my boom mic.

I got to tighten up this C-clamp.

Yeah, OK.

Yeah, that's great.

That feels so good.

Yes.

Nikolai, is that you?

Larry.

Oh man, we've been looking all over for you.

How you doing Larry?

I mean, yes.

You know, when you've got to go to the bathroom,

you've just got to go.

You know, Larry.

Hey, that's quite a turd you're pinching off there, man.

Whoa, Nikolai you know you ought to think

about squatting and thrusting.

Think about in Africa.

It really helps the hemorrhoids.

You know what I mean?

All right.

Well we better zip and tuck.

Better zip and tuck.

We got... you ought to get out to the set.

You know your whole crew is looking for you.

I... I'm cumming.

Larry, I need you to sign this, please.

Oh now, look.

Can't Nikolai and I get our business done in private

without you bothering us?

Oh, man.

Gee.

Man!

Sorry.

Have you seen Christine?

I've just been pissed on by a blind independent movie

director.

Yeah.

Ew.

Yeah, I think she went outside to, uh, practice her lines.

Fresh air improves memory.

I knew that.

Everybody thinks I don't know shit.

DJ knows shit.

Hey Todd, will you be ready in five?

I'd be ready now if it wasn't for the fact

that our fearless leader blew out my Sennheiser

with his real .44 Magnum blast.

So, how long, then?

Long enough for you stuck the Todd rod until you're

gargling with the Todd wad.

Beat it, fucko!

Oh, my nuts!

What the fuck, dude?

I'll put up with cheese sandwiches for lunch.

I'll put up with a crew that just fucking sucks.

But I draw the line at ball crunching.

I quit.

I fucking quit.

The Toddster is out of here.

And I'm taking my equipment with me.

Sayonara, suck wads!

Fucking severed fucking head.

Andy, Andy.

Are we ready to shoot the next scene?

Actually, no.

We're going to have to stop production.

The sound guy just quit.

Oh man, not the Toddster.

He had good potential.

Ah, what the heck.

Shoot the scene anyway.

We don't need sound.

Larry, the next scene is Sergeant Kabuki Man delivering

the Gettysburg Address.

Well, scratch that.

Let's go to that wild party scene.

Yeah, that's it.

I can see now.

We'll do a slow dissolve to the fraternity scene... the night

scene.

Make way for one drunk sound guy with a bottle.

Toddster's in the house!

This is the best damn bar mitzvah I've ever been to.

Party on, dude.

Is your boy man enough to handle this?

The Toddster can handle anything!

All right, Toddster.

I want you to suck it down.

Suck it.

Suck it.