The Grand Tour

*THE GRAND TOUR* Season 03 Episode 01

Episode Title : "Motown Funk"

Hello, everybody! Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Greetings, everybody. Thank you so much.

Thanks, everybody. Thank you.

Thank you so much. And, yes!

- We're back! - (CHEERING)

We are!

Now, a lot of people have been saying,

"Why has it taken so long? What have you been doing?"

Well, hopefully we can answer that with this short montage

of what you can expect over the next... ahem... 13 weeks.

Is that barrel gonna...

He's gone!

Look, hang on a minute.

"The nearest civilisation is a town called Moron."

In order to reach it, you must build the contents of these boxes.

"You have enough food for seven days."

Oh, God!

Were this not such a serious situation,

it would be a good laugh.

Bear, it's a bear!

- (GROWLS) - Aargh!

There must've been 30 or 40 people in the room when the police arrived.

- (THUDDING) - Whoa!

Clarkson!

Jesus Christ, I'm too close to the edge.

Oh!

Let's sing a song. - No.

I am sitting where Jim Clark sat!

Going in hard and hot!

- We're fleeing! - OK, flee.

Well, he'll be using a pistol, won't he?

I think...

I think you're gonna like this series.

And I particularly think you're going to like how it begins.

Because even over here, on this side of the pond,

we recognise that Detroit is the spiritual home

to anyone whose communion wine is petrol

and whose heart beats like a big, lumpy, wet V8.

Which is why this week, and it's long overdue,

The Grand Tour is off to the Motor City...

with an idea.

Of course, the whole world knows that Detroit

is now a shadow of its former self.

But we also know that efforts are being made

to bring life back to the ruins...

with urban farms.

Local people are being encouraged to grow...

kale and beans and seeds,

in plots like this where houses and businesses once stood.

It breaks your heart.

I mean, this is Detroit.

It shouldn't be a help-yourself, pop-up street allotment

for organic vegan peace hippies,

when it could be a pulsating playground for the petrolhead.

It has the roads, it has the space,

it was built by the rumble of a V8

and it should rumble to that sound once more.

So that's what we've come here to do...

make some noise.

These are the toys we'll be using.

Three American muscle cars,

all of which have been tuned to a tyre-shredding DEFCON one.

I have the Ford Mustang RTR Spec 3.

Mr Slowly has what's called The Exorcist.

And in his whining Dodge Challenger Demon...

Hammond has an erection.

Ah-ha-ha!

To make this, they took a Hellcat -

I drove one before on the show -

and just made it "more".

- More of everything. - (ENGINE GROWLS)

I have 840 horsepower,

a massive supercharger...

and on the bonnet there, or hood,

that's the biggest hood scoop ever fitted to a production car.

Ever.

- Yeah! - (SUPERCHARGER WHINES)

Noise!

Noise in the city!

Bloody hellfire!

This car is tuned by Hennessey.

They've taken a standard Camaro

and they've given it 1,000 horsepower.

Jesus Christ!

They haven't touched anything else, only the engine.

Wheels are standard, brakes are standard,

suspension is standard, bodywork is standard.

It's all standard.

Except the power.

Jeez, I can't even steer it.

It's-It's idiotic, honestly.

And yea, though I walk in the shadow

of the valley of death, I will fear no evil.

Because I am The Exorcist!

This may look small and delicate

compared to the other two, but be in no doubt,

it has the muscle car credentials.

Oh, yeah.

The fact is that the engine in Hammond's car...

is a push rod, two valve, iron museum piece.

And May's car, yes, it has 1,000 horsepower,

but it's running on standard brakes.

This... This is just a little bit cleverer.

They haven't just put a supercharger on it and left it at that.

They've stiffened up the suspension and lowered it

and stiffened the anti-roll bars.

So it can do this.

Jesus H Christ!

And it can do this.

- (TYRES SCREECH) - Yes!

This, then, is the Anthony Joshua of muscle cars.

Big and brawny, but it has brains as well.

Then there's its name.

It's the RTR, which stands for,

and I'm not making this up, Ready to Rock!

These three cars, then,

they're the perfect fairground rides

in our perfect petrolhead theme park.

I mean, people travel all the way to Florida

to look at a man in a mouse suit

and watch an implausible train have an unrealistic crash.

Why not come here in your car and do this?

Whoo!

What a day!

I just can't get over James May is The Ex-cre-cist

I am surprised to see you two so upbeat about this trip.

Why do you say that?

Well, you're always saying how much you don't like muscle cars.

Yeah, I just say that to annoy you.

Oh, right.

Nobody intelligent admits that they like muscle cars,

but secretly, deep down, everybody does.

They're like power rock ballads.

I mean, if you're driving along with friends

and Don't Stop Believing by Journey comes on the radio,

you say, "This is rubbish," and you huff and puff and turn it off.

If you're on your own and it comes on, you turn it up and you sing along.

You do.

Chaps, did you know mine only comes with one seat as standard?

- Really? - What?

As standard, you get one seat in a Demon.

You can opt to have the others put back in

and it costs you a dollar.

Which seat do they put in as standard?

Eventually, we decided to pull over in our motoring theme park

to see which of our fairground muscle rides

would be the fastest...

in a street drag race.

So what I'm thinking is here, when the lights go green...

What's a quarter of a mile, just beyond the church?

Yeah, something like that. Perfect.

- What if the police come? - Well, he won't. He's in Beverly Hills.

- I've seen the movie. - Why can't we just do this

on a racetrack or a runway like we usually do?

Because we're here to prove that this is a racetrack.

Detroit is empty now and should just be used for this sort of thing.

Yes, yes, but it isn't a real race, an actual racetrack.

- No, it is! - It is!

This is where the muscle car was born.

- I can't do it. - Why can't you do it?

Because Dodge only lent me that car

if I promised not to do any drag racing on the road with it.

What? That's what it's for!

- I know. - That's literally what it's for.

Yes, I know, but that's the way it is. Sorry..

D'you think it's an insurance...?

- It is, because it's him. - No. It's not.

- Don't want it on the roof. - "Who's driving it?" Richard Hammond.

You can't drive it.

It's just what they said and I'm really sorry.

- So, we can't do it, I'm sorry. - We can.

You're not gonna do it without that...

Uh... let me think. Yeah, we are.

Just right... Just right the way, right the way off.

One for all and all for yourselves, that's how it goes, isn't it?

Having decided to make the doorway of a barber shop the finishing line,

James and I prepared for the race.