The Mindy Project

Hey, Danny.

Could you please say something?

People are gawking.

Hello. My name is Mindy.

Well, I am geeking out.

We've heard so little about you.

So little.

I imagined you very differently...

Sort of like long, brown hair.

Your boobs are smaller.

I pictured them bigger. But yours are better.

- Danny used to call them his plums. - Okay.

Uh, okay, that's enough.

Christina, what are you doing here?

What do you think? I got your letter.

Letter?

Come in my office.

The lyricism in this letter...

When you said we should still be together,

it was like a whole new Danny.

I never sent that. Mail fraud is a federal offense.

Okay. That's the old Danny.

What are you doing here?

Aren't you supposed to be in Syria, taking a photo of a tank

running over a kid's snoopy doll or what have you?

Oh, you really didn't send this?

Okay, look, I wrote this letter years ago, okay?

I was all pumped up from the Chinese drums

at the Beijing Olympics.

But I don't feel that way anymore about you.

Danny, deny it all you want,

but sooner or later you're coming back here.

And that's not even your favorite one.

Oh, boy.

You guys got a sec?

Because someone went in my office

and thought it was his or her right

to stir up a hornet's nest with his or her Mindy stick.

Oh! I didn't send the letter. Oh, you didn't?

I mean, it's definitely something that I would've done

had I known it existed, but I didn't send it.

You didn't. 'Cause you've done a lot of stupid things.

It was me.

I mailed the letter.

What? Why?

Because he loved her, and she needed to know that,

and it was wrong of me to do it.

Thank you, Morgan, for having the guts to admit you did it.

You're fired. What?

No.

I did something unthinkable.

He did.

Gotta pay the ultimate price.

One week suspension with pay.

Get your stuff and get out.

Danny, be rational.

This is acceptable? I mean, this...

Are you guys... Am I wrong?

Yeah, I'm gonna go.

Uh, yeah, this is happening, so I'm gonna...

Bye, everyone.

Who knew about the dog?

Casey, I just can't do this.

- Come on. - Please!

You... got... this.

Help me.

Help me, please. Okay, that counted as one.

Yeah.

Do you know what would be really motivational?

What's that?

Is if you were to dangle pancakes

from like a fishing pole in front of me.

When I did them, I could reach for them.

What if every time you came up, I gave you a kiss?

What if you put some pancake batter on your nose,

and then when I came up, I could be like... okay.

Get outta here.

Casey, I have to quit. I'm gonna die.

I like this workout thing. You know what I mean?

You honor your body,

you're also honoring God at the same time.

God's the least of my worries.

I don't know why I volunteered

to take Morgan's place in this triathlon.

Danny has been such a workout Nazi.

Why does everybody always say "Nazi"

when they're trying to describe someone

who's just passionately pursuing a goal?

Hey, I care about you... Yeah.

And I think you defend Nazis too much.

Look, I'm just saying I am very impressed

about how committed you are to the triathlon.

Mm-hmm. Which reminds me.

I was gonna, uh...

I was gonna ask you a question.

Okay, this sounds important.

I'll put away my sangria.

If I were to ever settle down with a woman,

I always imagined they'd be...

Thinner, whiter, younger?

Casey, I can change all of those things.

No, don't.

I just thought she would be Christian.

You know, like me.

And I didn't want us to waste our time.

I'm just saying that if we did get married...

Whoa.

I want that to be forever.

I mean, don't you wanna spend eternity in heaven together,

just strumming harps and playing doubles tennis

with Abe Lincoln and Tupac?

This is a lot to think about. Yeah.

I think we should take a break from working out

to really think about these theological issues.

We're... we're done with this? Okay.

Morgan's replacement's

really starting to get on my nerves.

Tamara...

Please take Mrs. Grier's vitals.

It's catchy, but it's very distracting.

It is catchy.

Another good-smelling letter for you, Dr. C.

Thanks, bets.

Danny, Christina has been sending you letters

every day for two weeks, and you always rip them up.

Aren't you a little bit curious?

What if there's birthday money in there?

I don't care.

Gonna work out.

Mindy, Jeremy, get your sweats on.

Let's go.

Yeah, about that, I can't.

I'm meeting Maggie for lunch.

Hey. No more fattening lunches!

Ow!

You need to take getting shape seriously, guys.

You hurt my breast very badly.

Well, I thought you'd catch it.

It's okay. I have a padded bra on.

Danny, you need to relax. It's just a dumb triathlon.

How can you say that, guys?

Those midwives beat us every stinkin' year,

I don't... They just walk around.

They laugh at us, they act like they don't care.

I can't work out again.

I was doing a million sit-ups this morning with Casey...

Until he stopped and he asked me

if I would convert to Christianity, guys.

Do you think I should convert to Christianity?

No. Normally, I'd be all for you

converting to the good guys.

Our religion needs more people from the emerging world.

I'm from suburban Boston.

Please let's rehire Morgan.

Okay, I was doing the math.

If I swim like I swim and Jeremy bikes likes he bikes,

you only have to average a 12-minute mile on the run.

- Okay? - Yeah, that's not gonna be a problem.

What are you doing? I'm stretching.

You're dancing.

No, I'm getting blood flow through my arms.

Okay. Like you are.

No, that's not what I'm doing at all.

12-minute mile is not gonna be a problem.

I've been using fear fantasies to get me to run faster.

For instance, I'll pretend I'm a slice of pizza

and a fat man is chasing me.

And I'm like, "whoa, get away!"

Mm-hmm.

Oh, my God.

Morgan's a Deslaurier.

Okay, this is not what it looks like.

Yes, I'm doing the triathlon with the Deslauriers,

but it's only because I'm working for them now.

Okay, that is worse than what it seems.

It's way worse.

Yeah, I know, I know. I realize it now.

Morgan, what the hell?

I defended you...

At great personal cost, by the way,

and now you betrayed us with our enemies?

Enemy?

That's not... it's not... Mindy...

We do the triathlon because it is fun and healthful.

This is not a competition.

We don't use words like "stopwatch" and "winner."

I never use those words. She never uses those words.

Listen, stop. You guys fired me, okay?

Brendan and Duncan... They took me in,

they gave me a tea that promotes digestive health...

Amazing. Everything is smooth now.

And they gave me new pants.

What happened to the pants I got you?

Those pants were ill-fitting and they had pleats.

How dare you?

- Stop, stop! - No, wait, wait, wait, wait...

Stop, relax. Don't do it.

Congratulations, Morgan.

You're dead to us. You are dead.

Don't say that.