Family Guy

Chris, I can't believe you're helping the principal

with morning announcements today.

And I can't believe I forgot to wear pants.

- Meg, give him your pants. - Mom!

Meg, it's a big day for your brother.

Fine.

It's so cool.

You're going to be like one of those DJs on SiriusXM,

where it's all national so nothing's local anymore.

You're listening to

SiriusXM channel a-hundred-and-something.

Hey, it's hot out there, but it's also cold in some places.

These pants are way too big.

Okay, Chris, while you make these announcements,

I'm going to be massaging your shoulders,

just so I can say in court that I do it to everyone.

And if you want to liven things up, you can start out by saying,

"Good morning, Vietnam!"

- What? - You know,

from the movie starring Robin Williams.

- Who? - It was set in the Vietnam War.

- Where? - He was nominated for an Oscar.

- Why? - But, sadly, he recently died.

- How? - He choked himself off.

That's the first thing I understood.

Go ahead.

Okay. "God..."

- Good. - "Good movement..."

- Morning. - "Morning, Engelbert."

- Everyone. - "Everyone.

The stagnant cancer muting..."

The student council meeting.

You know what? You're done. Good job.

Great job, Chris.

Good morning, Vietnam!

Right?

Okay, well, the student council meeting will be held today

at 3:00 in the gymnasium.

I never would've gotten that word.

Alexa, off.

And that's how you do an announcement.

Not like that tub of lard Griffin.

Ugh, I feel like I gained 20 pounds

just standing next to him.

I have to open the window to get that fat kid smell out.

Hey, Lawnmower Guy?

How do you say "fat" in Spanish?

Gordo.

That kid was mucho gordo.

I think you mean "muy gordo."

That's enough, Lawnmower Guy.

Alexa, stop playing sad music.

I don't think this thing is working at all.

- Hey, Stewie, where's the... - Shh!

I'm at the opera, Brian.

This part always speaks to me.

I can't stand to hear Italians talk

but, man, get 'em singing.

Stewie, how can you afford an entire opera in your room?

Oh, boy, Brian's upset

because someone has something he doesn't.

You know what I'm getting you for your birthday?

The ability to be happy for other people.

You're not answering my question.

Brian, I'd love to stay and talk,

but Bugs Bunny is about to make this tenor

hold a note for far longer than anyone should.

Ain't he a stinker?

We now return to Suits.

As a courtesy to the hardworking cast and crew,

we ask you to please refrain from looking at your iPad

- while the show is on. - Okay, fair enough.

Morning, everyone. How's the case coming?

We're having trouble supporting the defendant's claim.

Is this show a drama or a comedy?

I don't know, let's look it up.

Then you need to dig into those files...

- Eight seasons?! - "Filmed in Toronto."

There's a Japanese version?!

"Other shows filmed in Toronto."

Handmaid's Tale, Shadowhunters...

- What's Shadowhunters? - I don't know, let's look it up.

Guys, please,

people worked really hard on this.

Keith? Keith, what's the matter?

It's Chris, you idiot.

Mary, what happened?

Principal Shepherd fat-shamed Chris

in front of the whole school.

- Oh, no! - Just stay the course, Lois.

That "fat" is going to win him Biggest Boy at the state fair.

- Peter, this is very serious. - So is Biggest Boy.

School should be a safe place where they get shot sometimes.

They should not be insulted!

Peter, are you even listening to me?

Give us a strut downstage!

So we're all decided, our last high school play

was about as gay as we wanna go.

Let's try to top out at that level of gay.

If there's nothing else...

There's still the agenda item of you fat-shaming Chris Griffin.

I think we can table that,

as long as it's a pretty strong table.

Excuse me, I'm sorry,

but fat-shaming is not okay!

This is the year 2020 and nothing is okay.

This is the year of instant outrage.

- What?! - This is my son we're talking about.

Sure, more than once I've caught him eating Crisco with a spoon,

but I can't watch everything he eats.

That's all I'd be doing!

And deep down, he's just like everyone else...

all together in one big pair of pants.

His-his sister Meg's pants.

Oh! Pow!

Lois, did you try this stuff out of town?

- It's killing! - Yeah.

I'm funny.

In any case, Principal Shepherd needs to be held accountable

for fat-shaming my son.

No matter how fat or shameful he may be.

If your son had been shot, all I could offer

is thoughts and prayers, but this calls

for a far stronger response.

Shepherd, you're fired.

Oh, yeah? Well, now that I'm fired,

I can finally tell you all how I really feel about you!

You're like family to me.

Alexa? Play the sad song from Stripes.

- Hey! - We're still in here!

Uh, excuse me. I saw a commercial

in which a dog had a very shiny coat.

The dog was, uh, jumping over a fence.

Maybe on a farm or something?

Again, his coat was very shiny.

Yeah, I, um, hate this job?

So, I don't know?

Oh, my gosh, wow!

- This is so exciting! - Excuse me?

It's really you.

We recognize you from your book!

Ah, you've read Faster Than the Speed of Love.

Be careful with that thing.

It might accidentally change your life.

Oh, (BLEEP)!

I don't know that book. I'm talking about this one.

Flunky The Dumb White Dog?

"By Griffin Stewart"?

My catchphrase is "Herf derf"?

Hey, do you know where I could find any books about, um...

"the pan-crease"?

Thanks for taking me to the movies, Peter.

Aw, sure, Lois.

You know, when you said "Miles Teller,"

I was like, "Eh."

But then once you get here,

you realize you can sit anywhere.

Hello, Griffins.

Principal Shepherd?

That's right. And it's just "Firstname Shepherd"

now that you've had me fired and I have no income.

And now I'm living in my car,

just panhandling outside Miles Teller movies,

which is pretty slim pickings, obviously.

Lois, can I talk to you one step over this way,

yet magically out of earshot from him?

We can't let this stand. We have to do something for him.

What are we supposed to do? He brought this on himself.

All right, Peter, he can live with us

until he gets back on his feet.

You made a full and convincing case.

Ya...

...ay, you can live with us!

Wow, that's great news.

Uh, what's your, um, ferret policy?

Huh, wow, Lois, if he's asking about it, too,

I guess we should finally get one.

Peter, we're not getting a ferret.

Also, would it make any sense to put all the beds in one room

and make one room a trampoline room?

Oh, well, now that's interesting.

Well, here we are.

Mr. and Mrs. Griffin, I don't know how to thank you.

Ah, don't worry about it. Make yourself at home.

The Wi-Fi is "Joe Swanson Guest."

Chris? There's someone here

who's got somethin' to say to you!

I've never seen this man before in my life.

Principal Shepherd?! What are you doing here?

Chris, I fat-shamed you,

and I believe I owe you a weaselly political apology.

So, if you took offense to anything I said,

I certainly regret that you did that.

At this point, I consider the matter closed.

Thank you so much, Principal Shepherd.

I know that was very difficult for you.

Well, I accept your apology, Chris.

Onward and upward.