Hokum

We're close.

Ah! Ah...

Aargh!

Ah...

It can't end like this...

It's okay.

Come here.

Nothing to be done.

Just turn away.

Be still.

I said turn away!

Aaaargh!

♪ Oft in the stilly night ♪

♪ Ere slumber's chain has bound me ♪

♪ Fond memory brings the light ♪

♪ Of other days around me ♪

♪ The smiles, the tears ♪

♪ Of boyhood's years ♪

♪ The words of love then spoken ♪

♪ The eyes that shone ♪

♪ Now dimm'd and gone ♪

♪ The cheerful hearts now broken ♪

Why'd you shoot it?

They're pests.

They jump up on the cars and make shit of the paintwork.

Couldn't just shoo it away, huh?

Goats are stubborn.

Spray it with a hose?

No.

I'm telling you now, Fergal,

I'm not dragging that into the woods.

Fergal: Shut up.

Fado, fado...

Long, long ago, deep in the woods,

there was a small stone hut.

And inside the stone hut,

there lived an old Cailleach...

A witch.

Preying upon the lost,

the evil old crone would first put the doomed travellers

under her spell,

leaving them as dazzled and vulnerable as lamplit game.

The witch would then shackle her stunned prey

before taking the lost travellers

on a tour of the underworld.

And sometimes,

a hand or a claw would reach out from the dark

and tear a piece from those at the end of her chain.

Pluck out an eye.

Peel off an ear.

And sometimes,

they took something from a little boy

that was more valuable to him than his eyes or ears.

Any guesses which part of you that might be?

-These your kids? -No.

Go find your parents.

And don't talk to strangers again.

There are worse things than strangers out there, Yank.

Did we wake you?

Uh, Mr Cob, my apologies.

I was on the phone and I thought Alby was manning...

Don't apologise to me, you maneen.

Apologise to the guest!

My apologies.

Why don't you mind your own business?

It is my business.

I'm the owner.

Bauman. I have a reservation.

If you could just sign... Ah! Mr Bauman.

Mr Ohm Bauman, Pullman City, Washington.

With us for a week. Welcome.

Lock it up.

Fergal: Alby's dragging it out into the woods.

Dining room is down this corridor here.

Breakfast in the morning from seven to ten.

Halloween party tomorrow night with live music,

cocktails, costumes...

Should be a bit of craic.

Oh, um, craic is a word we use

to describe a fun time here in Ireland.

Yeah, can I get a room as far away

from the 'craic' as possible?

-I've work to do. -What do you do?

Writer.

Well...

you shouldn't hear a thing.

Thank you.

Wait... Bauman.

Ah, I know that name.

I think my son is a fan of yours!

A celebrity.

Well, if there's anything we can do

to make your stay more enjoyable,

please dial '0' and let us know.

All right.

Oh, maybe I could bring in my son's book

and you could sign it for him?

No.

There's nothing getting through that.

That's built to last.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Are you lost?

What does it look like?

Well, with that attitude, it looks like you can stay lost.

Okay, sorry, I'm just... I can't find my room.

It should be right here, but it's not.

-Oh, yeah. It's this way. -Thank you.

-First time in Ireland? -Yeah.

Are you having a nice time?

Yeah.

This is you.

Thank you.

Enjoy your stay.

Thanks. Oh, hey...

Sorry, would you happen to know

with the Big Redwood is?

-Who are those? -Jesus...

Oh, uh...

My folks.

Sorry for your loss.

You want a drink?

I think I may need something stronger than milk.

Nothing stronger than that.

-Moonshine? -Poitín.

Uisce beatha.

Water of life.

Whoo. Yeah, that's moonshine.

If you want something to defeat the demons,

and not just be running from them.

Magic mushrooms.

Psilocybin.

It's all natural.

I pick, dry, and grind the mushrooms myself.

And I like it with goat's milk.

What are you gonna do with it?

-I'll bury her. -Hm.

Do you know why they climb on the cars?

Goats like to graze on the mushrooms as well.

And when they're coming up,

they go looking for reflective surfaces, 'cause...

staring into your own eyes on mushrooms

deepens the trip.

But...

it can be dangerous.

Especially if there's an asshole with a crossbow nearby.

Don't get me started.

I've nearly come to blows with him over it.

Thanks for the drink.

Don't go climbing up on any cars.

I won't!