The Office

All right, let's get started.

Oh, first off, we're supposed to be pushing card stock this week.

So, let's push card stock this week.

Also... What is this?

Tape recorder.

For what?

For recording.

Michael is on vacation and he has asked me to record all meetings

and to type up the transcripts.

Okay. Karen, any news from that law firm?

Yeah, the deal closed yesterday. It's a six-month commitment.

Oh, my God! Dwight, what are you doing?

What?

You're not allowed to take off your pants in the middle of the office.

I'm not. Dwight, you know what, just back off, okay?

That's making me uncomfortable.

This is sexual harassment, by the way.

Oh, my God, he's got a knife!

I do not have a knife.

No. Let the record show that Dwight K. Schrute is now completely nude

and is holding a plastic knife to Stanley's neck?

Let the record show that Jim Halpert is a liar!

Dwight Schrute is now wearing a baby's bonnet.

I am not.

Oh, Jim Carrey just walked in.

Dwight, get his autograph for Michael...

Jim Carrey did not just walk in, okay?

Yes, he...

Dwight, what is that on your stomach?

Is that a Muppet Babies tattoo?

Oh, my God, Karen, you're right.

That is Animal from the Muppet Babies.

You can't see my stomach...

I am now chopping off Phyllis' head with a chain saw!

Hey, mon!

Hey.

You have a bunch of messages and...

That's nice.

Hannah quit while you were gone.

I guess she memoed to file some complaints

she had about being a working mother,

and so you might also have to be deposed.

Relax. Just relax, okay?

Okay.

I'll get to all of it later. It's kind of serious.

Aren't you going to ask me how Jamaica was?

Say it. Ask me.

How was Jamaica? It was so good!

Hey, mon!

At Sandals, Jamaica, when somebody says, "Hey, mon,"

everybody says, "Hey, mon," back.

Oh, Michael, I'm glad you're here.

Stanley. You know what?

It is really good to see you, too.

My bonus check was $100 less than you promised.

Okay, well, payroll is in charge of all of that...

They said I should talk to you.

Well, I am just getting settled in.

So I'm gonna...

I am not doing a lick more work

until I get my full bonus check.

You are not as much fun as your Jamaican brothers,

mon.

You wanna talk about it?

Nope.

I still haven't found an apartment yet.

I'm living in a hotel.

Yesterday, I saw a for-rent sign down the street from Jim,

and he said he didn't think it'd be such a good idea.

He said it would be like we were living together

in different houses, two blocks away.

Feelin' hot, hot, hot!

Feelin' hot, hot, hot!

Feelin' hot, hot, hot!

Feelin' hot, hot, hot!

That's all I know so far, but I'm gonna keep practicing.

It's good.

You know, I had never been out of the country before now.

I got to see how Jamaicans live. It is great.

You know, they just relax, they party all the time.

It's kind of an impoverished country.

Yeah.

Gosh. Great.

You know what, Pam? Make a note.

I want us all to start having pińa coladas every day at 3:00.

Well, you can't today. We're doing inventory.

Inventory's at the end of December.

We couldn't do it without you, so we postponed.

I specifically went on vacation so I would miss it.

Inventory is boring.

In the islands, they don't make you do stuff like take inventory.

Why do you think so many businesses move to the Caymans?

Tonight, we are going to have an inventory luau.

I want to bring back a little slice of paradise

to the Dunder Mifflin Warehouse Inventory.

So, Party Planning Committee, get on it.

By the end of the day? That's impossible.

The Jamaicans don't have a word for "impossible".

Yep, it's English. It's "impossible".

Michael, there's no way we can do it in time.

How hard is a luau?

All you need are some grass skirts, pineapple, poi,

tiki torches, suckling pig, some fire dancers.

That's all you need.

Come on in!

Settle in.

Settling...

Settling...

And settled. Good.

There is something I would like to show everybody.

See this sign?

"No shirt. No shoes. No problem."

This is an attitude I would like all of you to have right here.

So what if we have to stay late and do inventory? No problem.

Oh, my God. Is that Jan?

What? Where?

What? On the left.

No, no, no. That's... Oh, my God...

No, that's a German woman named Urgle Grue.

Jan told me to play it cool and not tell anybody

because it could get us both in trouble.

So, officially, I did not see her.

But I did see Jan there

in our room

at night

and in the morning.

And that's all I'm gonna say.

Sex. Sex.

We had sex.

I had sex with her.

I had sex with Jan.

Hey, dude. I just got back from Jamaica.

Big whoop. I was in Hotlanta.

That whole town is waxed.

Yeah, that sounds amazing, but you know what?

The lady, Jan Levinson, wanted to go to Montego Bay.

You took The Ice Queen? I don't buy it.

Well, I'm looking at a photo, right now,

and, I'm telling you, it could be in Maxim.

They wouldn't give you a subscription to Maxim.

Oh, no? No.

Okay. Well,

check this out.

I'm sending you some e-mail.

You got it?

What? No, I got nothing.

Check it again. Hit refresh.

Yeah, Mike, still nothing.

Okay, wait a second.

Uh-oh.

Wait. I just got it from somebody else.

Wow!

This is hot. Damn!

How do I get you out of this picture?

Darryl?

Hey. Hi, where's Darryl?

He's in the office.

Okay.

Hi. Hey, man, how's it going?

All right. What's up, Mike?

That's great. Okay.

So did you get an e-mail from me?

Yeah. Okay.

Well, that was supposed to go to Packer, not Packaging.

Did you already forward it to a whole bunch of people?

Uh-uh.

Okay.

Well, did you get the second e-mail that I sent

explaining that the first e-mail was a mistake

and that you should delete it?

Yep.

Have you sent that out to everyone?

Mike, I'm very busy down here.

Yikes.

Already sent it to you, my friend.

Fantastic. Boring.

Call me if she rolls over.

Hey.

Hey.

You okay?

Yeah.

You sure?

Yeah. Yes.

I'm just in this, like, stupid fight with Karen.

Oh!

You want to talk about it?

Really?

I have a special assignment for you.

Who's the target?

A sensitive e-mail has been released into the office.

It contains a file. A picture.

The filename is Jamaica Jan Sun Princess.

What's it of? Not important.

Unless you're willing to tell me everything,

I cannot accept this assignment.