The Last Time

Look, I'll be in and out of there before you know it.

In fact, I'll bring you some lunch.

We can talk over a sandwich if you like.

Of course, I can send you a brochure.

Why don't our aides follow-up again in about 10 business days.

Allow me to send you a CD-ROM outlining our entire production plan.

One thing I can promise you is that at our first meeting

I will not be trying to sell you a single solitary thing.

I just want to get to know you and your company.

We did this last year, but the upgrades on

all the parts is the only way to guarantee...

If I knew where Westchester, New York was,

I'd be in the city in 20 minutes to show you our new product.

I know it's a big investment.

That's why I spent a great deal of time

customizing this plan for you.

Don't make me come show you how to do your fucking job.

The Saint Paul office is really struggling.

Same with Phoenix and Tulsa.

John is really starting to worry.

Hi, Jaime.

...process analysis, sample filtration...

Yeah, the vacuum inlet-outlet.

I'll get back to you on that, sir.

I think it's 22 BLI, but... Hello? Hello?

Yes, I will take care of everything

from implementation to training.

It's my pleasure, please.

Look, I've talked to my manager. That's my best offer.

No, wait, wait, wait. I can do better.

Larry, wife three on line two.

Shit!

Guardia can't touch that price.

How? Because it is my job to have that information. Oh, really?

You know what? Fuck you.

I don't need your fucking business.

Fuck you, you fucking fuck!

Morning, Ted. Hey.

He'll be with you in a moment.

Oh, hey. Ted.

Thanks for coming in.

How's it going with Jaime?

He's an idiot.

I wanted you to be the first one to see the DLX 179.

Six years in the pipeline. The R&D guys finally did it.

It's like I always say.

Success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out.

Do you realize how much money we're gonna make selling this thing?

In the first six months, I bet we make like...

Oh, hey, hold on. Hold on! Hold on!

Hold, hold, hold, hold.

All right! All right! The truth is

I want to talk about the upcoming quarter.

I know. I know. I'm a big pain in the ass,

but the fact is as your sales go, so goes the whole team's.

Do you remember Fisher? From Cincinnati?

Yeah, he's a prick.

Yeah, well, he was also a topnotch salesman,

and then he starts hitting the bottle,

and before you know it, the whole Midwest division sales go down with him.

I'm telling you, if we don't meet this quarter's projections,

it's going to be sayonara for old John boy here.

No ifs, ands, or buts.

Well, you better learn to sell shoes

or suck cock real fucking fast.

I'm really excited to be in New York.

It's always been a dream of mine.

New York, New York. It's a heck of a town.

My mom loved that song.

So John tells me that you are the number one salesman in the division,

maybe the whole company.

You know, I was the number one salesman in my old job. Yep.

Wow.

So, uh, what do you say, since we're both reigning champs,

that we have a little friendly

sales competition this quarter

for say dinner at Le Bernardin's?

I'll take that as a yes.

How about if I sweeten the pot a little bit?

Put this baby in, huh?

I sold more than my entire division

put together to earn this baby.

This trophy makes me so happy.

Nobody's happy. I'm happy.

No, you're not. You're miserable.

You don't even know me. Trust me. Your life sucks.

No, no, my life is actually pretty good.

What's so great about your fucking life?

I've got a new job. I've got a new house.

I'm getting married soon.

I've finally started taking art classes.

Yeah, listen, Jimmy. Jaime.

Yeah, like it fucking matters.

Everything you see, everything you feel, is nothing.

This job, this car,

that polyester bargain-basement suit you're wearing

is totally meaningless.

As far as beating me is concerned,

what you should worry about is getting one sale,

'cause if you don't,

'cause if you fucking don't, they're gonna ship your sorry ass back to...

Where the fuck are you from again?

I'm from Solon, Ohio. Really?

Yeah. It's a pretty cool place. Yeah.

Pretty cool place? Really?

Then why the fuck did you leave,

you sorry son of a bitch?

It was, uh, working great this morning.

I even laid in all the schematics digitally for simplicity, right, Ted?

Right. Well.

What you would be seeing if this thing was,

you know, working...

Wait. Oh, there it is. That's good. Okay. Good.

All right...

All right. Just forget it. Look, we'll...

I'm sure it's a great product and everything,

but to be perfectly honest, Guardia is gonna be in here later on today

and their CEO, Ronnie Leguzza,

he and I are old poker buddies,

so we're probably gonna go with them.

I see. Well, this was my first sales call

so maybe next time I could probably...

Try again when that new DLX technology

I've been hearing about is available.

DLX? Yeah, sure.

Hey, Barney! Give me a second, okay?

Yeah. Okay. Okay. Thanks.

Hey, who's Leguzza? Shut the fuck up.

Who the fuck is...

You know, when we first got into this,

it was just us and the Japanese.

Is that right? Yeah.

Then the Swiss got in, then the Germans, then the goddamn French.

I hate those goddamn French. Yeah.

But we still manage to move 40,000 units

out of this factory alone, every month.

Is that right? Yeah.

Man. Barney, honestly, I have to tell you something.

I'd heard all the talk about this place,

you know, blah, blah, blah and everything.

This is everything everybody said it was.

It's fantastic. Really. Thank you, Ted. Thank you.

Really. It's great.

Wow! Yeah.

Hey, I have a question for you, Barney. Yep.

Do I have "asshole" written on my forehead?

Excuse me? Listen, fat man.

I didn't want to embarrass you

in front of your flunkies, but I'll tell you this.

Next quarter, I'll be standing here with your replacement

while you're off somewhere selling soap to blue-haired fucking ladies

who don't have a pot to piss in.

What the hell are you talking about?

Every fucking thing you doled out to us in there is bullshit and you know it.

Things have been a little slow lately, but they're turning around.

The only thing turning is my stomach.

What the fuck am I even doing here with you?

I'll tell you another thing.

There are at least 50 other companies out there we can be servicing

who won't be wasting our fucking time.

Ted! Can I talk to you for just a second?

Hey, man. How you doing?

Got the week off to a right start?

Yeah.

Hey, Ma. How you doing?

Yeah?

Yeah?

What do you think?

I know. I knew you'd like it.

Well. Come on. That's okay. It's okay.

'Cause I can afford it, that's why. Yeah.

Yeah. Hey, did you go to the doctor?

What did he say about your hip?

Mom, listen to me.

No.

'Cause it's important, that's why.

Listen, don't make me drag you down there myself.

Promise? Okay.

No. I'm sure she's a nice girl.

No, I gotta go. I got work to do.

Yeah. No.

No. Yeah.

Tell Marco I said hi.

Okay. I love you, too.

It'll give you a chance to see the house.

Come on, you'll love it.

Can you do me a favor?

If it's possible, can you just not say anything

about the remote possibility of me getting fired

if I don't get a sale this quarter?

You know, I don't want Belisa to get worried.

So I guess Le Bernardin is out?

I'm still gonna beat you, you know.

It's just gonna take me a little longer than I planned.

This is a nice surprise.

Yeah, you are, too.

I just dropped by

because I'm looking for that address

for this afternoon's appointment.

Check next to the stuffed panda on the dresser.