The Michael J. Fox Show

Graham, would you put that thing away and set the table?

I'm in the middle of a race.

- Do I bother you when you're driving? - Constantly.

The other day, you put your hands over my eyes.

Since Mike's been back at work, afternoons have been crazy.

I have to watch Graham, grade papers, and make dinner...

Tuesdays, Thursdays, and alternate Saturdays.

- I got Thai food. Damn it. - Oh, it was Tuesdays, Saturdays,

- and alternate Thursdays. - It worked on paper.

We just lost the paper.

Oh, no, no, it's great. Pizza and Thai food.

There's probably no reason those two have never been combined.

You know, I don't wanna alarm you, but our son has become a zombie.

I had to give him that game earlier to keep him off of me.

You weren't there. You don't know what it was like, man.

Are you talking about Graham or Vietnam?

We need to restore order, Mike, and the first job needs to be

getting Graham into a new after-school activity.

Chelsea Piers is starting a hockey program.

- We could sign him up for that. - Hockey?

You just want him to do hockey because you like hockey.

No, I want him to do hockey 'cause I think he'd be good at it.

Do you really want him getting roughed up by a bunch of thugs?

I mean, he's such a creative kid. I was thinking maybe... pottery.

Oh, that'll keep him safe from the thugs.

Oh, pottery is so great. You get your hands dirty.

You're workin' the earth on your wheel.

You're just spinnin' your cares away.

Annie has seen the movie Ghost too many times.

Okay, name a sexier pottery scene, I dare you.

Name any other pottery scene.

Look, I just think we should have one kid who's athletic.

I mean, we let Eve and Ian slip through our fingers.

- They're a couple of duds. - Ian's not so bad.

Oh, yeah? Watch this. Hey, son, heads up.

Whoa! Dad! That is a Florida navel.

- Have you lost your damn mind? - Well, at least he knows his produce.

All right, we don't have to worry about Graham right now, okay?

Maybe we will find a third thing that we both like.

Third thing. I like that.

In the meantime, let's have dinner... and other dinner.

Who wants quesadillas? Damn it.

And the other dinner...

1x04 - Hobbies

Look at that, we didn't even touch the quesadillas.

And since they're technically still my property...

Oh, hey, I don't have Twitter on my phone.

- No, that's my phone. - We have the same cases?

Twinsies.

How awesome is one direction?

- Oh, mine's ironic. - At being lame?

Oh, hey, you got a tweet,

and it is not nice. Who is "iwentthere98"?

It's Lisa Mitchell.

She's this horrible girl from school.

She started a Twitter war with me all because I said

- I liked her mom jeans. - Mom jeans.

Lame. Are these mom jeans?

The thing is, I actually liked them. They used to camouflage ships

so you couldn't tell if they were coming or going.

Those pants were like that. - Well, you should tweet that,

or something where you don't sound like a boat nerd.

Here gi... gi... give me that thing.

Let me show you how this is done.

- Hardly working? - Oh, no, I'm... I'm...

I'm researching a piece about how hockey is better than pottery.

We talked about broad appeal, Mike, but, damn, you swimmin' away from shore.

Okay, to tell you the truth, I'm tryin' to get Graham into hockey,

and Annie's pushing for pottery.

My little cousin got into pottery. A year later,

- they found him dead in Mexico. - That's what I'm saying.

Well, that's not exactly what I'm saying,

but I'll keep that argument in my back pocket.

Hey, I've been meaning to talk to you about the anchor position.

Harris, I told you when I took this job, I-I'm not interested in anchor.

I'm... I'm just happy being a part-time correspondent.

- Right, and... - Although I'm flattered

that you thought of me, and I'm not just saying that

because I'm holding out for more money.

Although, is there a number? There's always a number.

Hey, I'm not offering you the gig, Mike.

- I need you as a reporter. - Who said I wanted the gig?

I'm trying to tell you that I'm hiring Susan Rodriguez-Jones.

- Suzy Jones? - Mm-hmm.

She's a devil woman.

Suzy Jones was my field producer in Orlando.

One day, she left me stranded in the Everglades

when she "accidentally" took my airboat to cover my story.

- But wasn't she the one who found you? - 17 hours later, after she did her nails.

She turned my rescue into a national story to...

- to push her own career. - Aw, Mike, you're a man of integrity,

but when you start talking about that swamp,

you sound straight-up cuckoo bananas.

I killed a water moccasin with my bare hands.

Oh! Michael Henry.

- Suzy Jones. - Suzy Rodriguez-Jones.

Oh, gosh, you haven't aged a day.

What, did you make a deal with the devil?

You tell me.

Hey, Harris. I'm not officially here.

I'm just overseeing the delivery of my desk.

I hope this isn't too weird for you.

I mean, the fact that I used to be the intern,

and now I'm... I'm moving into the corner office,

and I've got the big, mahogany desk

- that Walter Cronkite gave to me. - Gave to you?

I'd like to hear Walter's side of the story.

Although we never will. How convenient.

Hey, you could probably curl up in one of the drawers, take a little nap.

I'm kidding. Hey, I'll see you tomorrow, guys.

Did you see that?

Yeah, I saw you implying that she killed Walter Cronkite.

17 hours in the 'Glades, Harris. I drank a loafer full of swamp water.

- There were tadpoles in there. - A tadpole?

Something was wiggling around in there.

Look, the details aren't important.

What's important is she left me on purpose.

- You gotta believe me. - I believe you.

Do you believe me "believe me"? Or do you just believe me out of loyalty?

Don't pick at the scab.

We need a better system.

Work was a mess. Home life was a mess.

I just really needed a win.

Walking while playing a video game. Wow. You're an animal.

That's the kind of hand-eye coordination

that makes for a natural-born hockey player.

- Really? - Sort of.

Hey, since you brought up hockey,

what do you say we sign you up for a youth league?

- Okay. - Great.

- And tell mom it was your idea. - As long as it's not on Tuesdays.

- That's when I have pottery class. - What?

Mom says it was my idea.

Pottery? What happened to the third thing?

I know, I'm sorry, and I was feeling so bad about it

- until I found this. - Well, that's actually my helmet, so...

Oh, okay, it's your brand-new, tiny helmet

for a sport you haven't played in years.

My bad. Let's see it on you, just for fun.

Well, I-I can see how that would be fun, but...

but I-I have news hair right now.

- If the helmet fits, I must acquit. - Fine.

So any time you feel like apologizing...

Fine. I bought him the helmet

on the off chance that he might wanna play hockey.

But you enrolled him. Enrolled.

I had to, the pottery class was filling up.

- There's no way that's true. - What's done is done.

Let's just chalk it up to "you snooze, you lose."

Better yet, why don't I sign Graham up for hockey, he does

both, and we let him decide for himself which one he likes best?

- Okay, you're on. Best hobby wins. - Honey, this is about Graham.

- It's not a competition. - I'm sorry.

If it were a competition, I'd crush you.

Hey, dad, heads up.

If that were a grapefruit, we'd be dead by now.

It's a lot better than that pottery smock, isn't it?

Smell this, that's the best it's ever gonna smell.

I can't move. It's like I'm wearing another guy.

Aw, you'll get used to it. Wait till you take your first slap shot.

It's addicting. It's like crack,

which is not a thing, by the way.

Whoa, Mike Henry. Finally, a dad with some skills.

You know, we could really use some help out here.

I mean, if you're up to it.

Well, it's been a while. I don't know if I can still play.

Coast to coast, baby. Taste it, Greg!

Actually, I move much better on the ice.

If only I lived on an ice planet, I'd... I'd be emperor.

Impressive. You scored on our weakest kid.

You said I had potential!

Aidan, out of the net. Kids, get off the ice!

Today, we learn... by watching.

It's my cosmo article, the one on side-boob.

The computer just lost it.

It's the only thing I've written all month.

Don't worry. The Doctor is in.

All right, open trash, drag icon,

- and system hacked. - Ian, you're a genius.

I have had this crazy case of writer's block.

I-I-I ca... I just... I can't find my voice,

And this article was gonna be the thing

that pulled me out of my slump.

- Oh, it's garbage. Trash it. - Oh.

Thanks a lot, Aunt Leigh.

That tweet you had me send totally backfired.

Iwentthere98 has been flaming me all day.

Check it out.

Whoa, she really went there... 98.

- Let me see. - Wha...

Oh, good one. Mm, too mean.

This one isn't even factually accurate.

That would never fit in there. Would it?

With practice...

in her last tweet, she said that I run weird.

And now, everyone at school is calling me "the self-butt-kicker."