I Dream of Jeannie

Roge, uh, could you hurry it up?

Dr. Bellows frowns on two hour lunches, you know.

Tony, will you please?

I'm trying to make this shot.

Psst. Psst. Master.

What are you doing here? Get out.

Master, which would you prefer: Chicken, fish,

or saddle of yak for dinner?

I cannot make up my mind.

You came here in the middle of all these people to ask me that?

Hey, I got 'em now. Seven to five.

Oh, hi, Jeannie. Hello, Major Healey.

Roger...

Master, I would not have bothered you here at work,

except that if you wish the yak,

I must go to Tibet for the saddle.

Major Healey, it's nearly 2:00.

Oh, well... Well, it's not me, sir.

I'm waiting for Tony.

I was just killing time.

Major Nelson, why are you hunched over like that?

Some sort of, uh, stomach distress?

No, no, everything's fine, sir. Nothing like that.

I was just tinkling on the old ivories.

Oh, really? Yeah.

I didn't know you played the piano.

Yeah, I can't. I can't. Uh...

I, uh, took lessons when I was a kid though.

Uh, play something for me.

No, really. I-I can't, sir.

I wish I could. It'd be great, but...

It would be nice.

After... After four years of lessons,

all I ended up with was "Chopsticks." Ha, ha.

Bravo! Bravol

I didn't know you could play the piano.

Why, Major Nelson, that was absolutely extraordinary.

And you said you couldn't play.

I can't. I-I couldn't.

Well, I-I-I didn't know I remembered. Ha, ha.

Didn't remember?

You didn't even have any music.

Sir, if you'll excuse me.

Of course, major, of course.

We'll postpone our little meeting.

I can't wait to tell General Schaeffer about this.

I-I wish you wouldn't do that, sir.

Major, you can't hide a talent like yours.

Why, I'm no critic, but, uh, I haven't heard music

played like this outside of a concert hall.

Oh, well, thank you.

Oh, ah, captain,

about that meeting: We'll postpone...

Tony, that's not talent, that's genius.

You're not too far wrong.

Look. Look.

Oh. Wh-whoa.

Sorry.

Major Healey.

Major Healey, be careful.

Major Nelson's fingers are precious.

Uh, yes, sir, watch out for all doors.

Careful with your hands.

You got to watch where you're putting your hands...

I don't see how you could

do a cockeyed like... Thing like that to me.

You do not like music?

Yes, of course. I... I love music.

I also like football,

but I don't want you to turn me into O.J. Simpson.

I'm sorry.

I just got through telling Dr. Bellows

that I can hardly play "Chopsticks"

and you turn me into a...

A Van Cliburn, and Rudolph Serkin

and Charley Steinway, for all I know.

Oh, no, master.

I would never do that to you. Yeah.

I was there, remember? And so was everybody else.

Oh, but you were not playing.

Well, who was, the...? The Easter Bunny?

The piano. Yeah... I...

It's like my fingers had a mind of their own.

The piano? Yes, master.

Do you realize what a great burden of responsibility

it would be to have that talent in your fingers?

The hours and hours of drudgery in practice

in those sweet, little darling fingers.

I would never do that to you,

so I blinked the burden on the piano.

Everybody who sits on the piano could do what I did?

Oh, yes, master.

It has an enormous repertoire.

I... Yeah, well, blink it back.

Oh, yes, master. Ha-ha. Back where?

Not... Not "where."

You blink it back the way it was.

Slow down, doctor,

there's nothing in Major Nelson's...

General Schaeffer. Get out. Go on, out, out.

You don't have to believe me, general.

Ask Major Healey.

Ask any of the others who were here.

In fact, it was at that very piano.

Now, I admit it seems strange, but he was telling me that

the only thing he could play was "Chopsticks."

Then he sat down here, and he...

I'm, uh...

sorry, sir.

When I get the urge to play, I just can't contain myself.

You see, general? You see?

You're right, doctor.

He's... He's magnificent.

Major Nelson,

as of this moment, I am taking you off

flying status. Huh?!

You are going to make a concert tour.

Sir, I'm an astronaut.

I don't know anything about concerts.

Perfect. Perfect.

He's not only brilliant, he's modest.

Come along, doctor, we have to get in touch with Sol Hurok.

Wait, doctor.

Uh, practice, major, practice.

Sir, w-wait!

Jeannie.

Hello, master, darling. Oh.

You are late. Yeah. Of course I'm late.

I had to babysit with that lunatic piano

until everybody left.

Eh, what's all that for?

It is my new gown for your debut.

Do you like it?

Yeah, yeah, it's great,

but I'm not gonna have a debut.

Now, how did you know about that, anyhow, huh?

Oh, Master, Major Healey said that...

Hi, Tony.

What are you all dressed up for, Roger?

How about that? Does that grab you?

This is what all the leading impresarios wear.

Came with the glasses and everything.

Will somebody please tell me what's going on?

Well... Oh, watch the hand.

Oh, watch... Watch it.

Well, they couldn't get Sol Hurok,

so they had to settle for me.

Well, we've got you booked in Pensacola, Annapolis,

West Point... Is it not exciting?

The Air Force Academy and Anderson, Indiana.

Uh, wh-what's in Anderson, Indiana?

I got a girl in that town. Well, she'll just have to wait.

Now cancel everything.

Oh, but master...

But master, but master, I've been on the phone all day.

I mean, I got everything looked in.

Well, unlock it.

I'm not going on any concert tour.

Oh, do not worry, master.

You will be a huge success.

I shall fix every piano you play.

Jeannie, the only thing I want you to do is blink the one

in the recreation room back to normal.

Oh.

Oh, well, I-I could not do that.

Jeannie, that's an order.

Oh, I did not mean I would not.

It is easy enough to put the music in,

but once it is in... Heh.

Well, it has to play itself out.

Oh, swell.

Listen, Jeannie, what I want you to do...

I-I believe that I-I shall go and...

And blink dinner.

Ah, great. It's all settled.

Ah, she can be my assistant

and she can blink all the pianos you play.

And leave a trail of magic pianos

all around the country?

Use it. Use the head. Think!

Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We'll...

We'll have to use the piano in the recreation room.

Roger, I'm not using... I told you, I'm not go...

I'm not playing.

Hey, now, wait a minute. That might be...

Oh, that's gonna be good publicity.

That's great. You'll be the only virtuoso

who plays concerts on a little red spinet.

Great, great, great. Roger. Roger?

Don't forget: Be ready.

Pensacola tomorrow morning.

Careful with the hands.

There's more than one way to tune a piano.

Careful, careful, careful with the keyboard.

Careful, careful.

Oh, Tony, do you have a couple dollars?

I want to tip the guys.

Never mind, I'll get the change from the cashier.

That's terrible, major.

How did it happen?