The Dreamer - Becoming Karen Blixen

Inspired by Karen Blixen's life and letters with excerpts from The Dreamers

KENYA AUGUST 1931

Dear Mother.

Forgive me.

I can't go on.

I think I have been more happy here in Kenya -

than befalls most people.

I have seen into the eyes of lions -

and slept under the Southern Cross.

I have seen the grand plains burn -

- and with beautiful green grass after the rain.

A grand world of poetry has revealed itself to me out here ...

... and embraced me.

I have been the friend of Somalis, Kikuyu and Maasai -

- and I have flown over the Ngong Hills with my soulmate.

I have loved ...

... and felt loved.

To me, it is neither terrible nor sad -

- that I shall now disappear together with this world.

For Kenya appears to me to be -

- as much as my eyes, my feet or my heart ...

... a vital part of who I am.

I have fought to keep my footing. You know that.

I did everything in my power.

But to no avail.

The farm is lost.

The illness has worn me down.

And the death of Denys has left me bereft of hope.

I have no more to give.

When you read this letter, I have said my goodbyes.

Goodbye to the country that so generously welcomed me 17 years ago.

And goodbye to all of you back home whom I love dearly.

Thank you for your thoughts and caring, Mother.

But I can't come home.

I have nothing to come back to.

I wish to die here.

Bury me at the foot of the Ngong Hills.

Love Karen.

THE DREAMER

BECOMING KAREN BLIXEN

RUNGSTEDLUND SEPTEMBER 1931

1 MONTH LATER

They're here.

Welcome home.

- Hello, Mother. - It was good of you to get her home.

You should've seen her in Marseille when the ship arrived.

She looked more dead than alive.

I promised not to tell the others about her suicide attempt.

Of course not.

I have tea for you, my darling.

The rest of your things will be shipped from Mombasa tomorrow.

I'll see to it that they're placed in storage for now.

I'll telegraph Hugh Martin -

- about the money he owes you for the furniture.

You should eat something.

Have you ever considered -

- that it isn't man who gives up on life ...

... but life that gives up on man?

That is nonsense, Karen.

I don't know who I am anymore.

You're my sister.

And Elle's and Anders's.

The eldest since we lost Ea.

You're also the wisest and most talented person I know.

Tommy, it strikes me that all the things you say I am ...

... are things I was born as.

There she is.

Aunt Bess.

Karen.

- These are for you. - Thank you.

- Have a seat. - Thank you.

To think what Africa did to you, Karen.

They're beautiful. Are they from Folehave?

Indeed. My garden is bursting with marigolds at the moment.

Good morning, Bess.

Gerda, please put these in a vase.

- And Bess would probably like some tea. - Please.

You must admit -

- it's good that you were forced to come home -

- so that your mother can get back the roses in her sweet cheeks.

How are you?

Bess is looking forward to your walks in the park.

And our conversations. I really look forward to them.

Your siblings are always so busy.

Tommy with his family -

and Elle with all their properties.

Daddy!

Who have we here?

This is the honorable Denys Finch Hatton.

We met in Nairobi and went on a hunt together.

- Denys, meet my wife, Karen. - How do you do, Baroness?

Skål.

- And welcome. - Thank you.

Dearest Karen.

- You look nice. - Please don't.

Yes, better than one might expect.

And you! You've bought an estate?

- Hello, Knud. - It's good to see you, Karen.

Elle, why don't you show Karen your new book?

- You wrote another one? - I brought you a copy.

- Introductions. - How impressive.

I wrote while the drapes went up at Sandbjerg.

There are 45 windows, so I had plenty of time.

- With Knud's publishing company? - Reitzels is not Knud's.

I'm chairman of the board, not part of editorial matters.

Dear children.

I take great joy in seeing you here every Sunday.

And I am eternally grateful for all the blessings we have.

And today we have been blessed with Karen's return.

Perhaps not under the circumstances you might have wished for -

- but we'll celebrate nonetheless. Welcome home, my dear girl.

- Welcome. - Welcome home.

Dinner's served.

It's raining bankruptcies and foreclosures.

Indeed. And if the deflation continues -

- no one will be inclined to invest. I don't know what we'll do then.

How about you, Jonna? How do you make ends meet?

We'd like to move out of the city, but we don't know what the future holds.

- We'll work it out. - And then there are all the unemployed.

Not to mention those forced to abandon their homes.

That was the hardest part of losing the farm.

All the people who were suddenly homeless.

There were two hundred Kikuyu families, over a thousand people.

And when I suddenly lost the land, they had nowhere to go.

They've taken all the land from the natives.

One could arrange a fundraiser for an orphanage.

There are so many orphans in Nairobi.

Elle...

You wanted to be a nurse when you were young.

We could travel there together.

Isn't that the sort of thing you leave to the missionaries?

The problem with Christian missions is they destroy the local culture.

The native language is banned.

- Well, English is the global language. - Yes. But it's not their language.

They can't do their traditional dances -

- but are more than welcome to learn the game of cricket.

Let's talk about it after dinner.

Your siblings and I have discussed your situation.

Naturally she should have an orphanage. Why not indeed.

Knud, won't you have some more?

It's delicious.

You may live here, as if it were yours.

And you will have no expenses.

Tommy will give you a monthly allowance -

from his interest income.

But ... I cannot live here.

Where else would you live?

I thought you would support me in starting afresh.

You need to be realistic, Karen. All that talk about an orphanage ...

It was just an idea.

There are many other options.

I actually have a connection at Café Anglais.

Perhaps I can train there?

Paris? Karen, listen to yourself.

How much am I to live off each month?

We talked about 40 kroner.

- 40 kroner? - You live rent-free.

- Perhaps it's too soon to discuss this. - But 40 kroner?

How am I to start over on 40 kroner?

That would be like -

- Tommy going back to live at Rungsted Boarding School!

Tommy has his inheritance from Uncle -

- and an engineer vocation to fall back on.

And you have Knud and his fortune and your three properties.

But I have nothing from my failed marriage with Blix.

I have no income. No home.

And no education. I have nothing to show for all I learned in Africa.

But you've had so many experiences and lived a fantastic life, Karen.

Is that what you see me doing?

Living the rest of my life, dwelling on my memories?

- Of course not. - Mother and Tommy are trying to help.

Oh, so I should be grateful for Tommy's handouts?

I am seven years older than Tommy.

If I had been a boy, it would have been my inheritance.

Now you want me to be grateful for having to beg for pocket money?

- Everyone has lost money on your farm. - You just bought an estate.

Yes! Because Knud was the only one smart enough not to invest in your farm!

- Elle, stop. - Tommy had to give up on a house!

You never said.

- Mother had to sell land! - That was my choice.

Poor Aunt Bess may have to vacate Folehave!

Bess has lived there since she was 25! You and I played there as children!