Mozart in the Jungle

You know, they say that classical music is for squares.

But us, classical musicians,

we know how to party!

And when we party,

we party with Delgado's Super Super Super salsa!

In fact, my whole family loves it!

Oh, Rodrigo, you always keep the beat.

It's the salsa, mi amor.

Kids!

What have you got there?

It's a Super Super Super Hard Taco!

- It's authentico. - And delicious.

Mmm.

Super super super super

super super tacos!

Oh, man.

What did I do?

Rodrigo, we are so proud of you.

What did I do?

Yes we are, Maestro.

I didn't know your hips could move like that.

What changed your mind?

Well...

I was thinking of Venice.

And how La Fiamma, you know?

She could give up anything to do a concert.

So I thought I could give a little bit of self-respect.

Whatever's left, this...

This chimichanga.

Oh, Maestro.

Yeah, I know.

I'm sorry that I threw all those things at you.

Don't worry, Gloria.

It's fine, that was the fun part.

And you'll be happy to know

that the first check was deposited today.

- Yes. - The first check?

Yes, into the newly opened Maestro Juan Rivera

youth orchestra account number 58732011658.

Virgilio! I love you!

Oh, I love you too. Don't tell Christophe.

How many commercials do we have left to do?

Only nine.

- Let me do eight. - Uh...

- Um... - Just do eight.

Rodrigo, you'll survive it. You'll survive it.

We'll survive it. We'll survive it together.

Oh, Craig, get that thing.

Oh, right.

We have a little, little gift for you.

A little gift.

Okay, but its...

So this is from us....

- Thank you so much, guys. - To you.

Hey, that's very nice.

Okay.

Ah, it's fucking red tape!

Yay!

It's the fucking red tape!

- Yes. - Thank you.

I've got my own now.

You so suck, Rutledge!

You're never gonna get the chair.

Oboists from all over the world are coming to compete with you.

Your reed-making, it sucks!

And you go cross-eyed when you play.

Your neck puffs out like a dinosaur from Jurassic Park.

The one that spits acid all over the place.

Hailey, you know what? I gotta take a break.

I gotta stop, this is too fucking weird.

But really good job not breaking your concentration.

I really... that's impressive.

Hey, before I go, this is your money.

It's your share from the gate from the other night.

Oh, awesome.

It's $11.13.

I mean, I'm sorry it's not more.

I will frame it.

I really hope I get this job.

It's weird that they're even making you audition.

I mean, you know them.

No, that's exactly why it's not weird.

Everybody has to audition behind a screen

so that there's no favoritism.

Seems like bullshit.

If I were you I would just go in there and go,

It's Hailey.

You know, if you ever need to you can move back in with me rent free.

What about B?

We're taking a break. He's got issues.

I've got issues.

It's cool, you know. Fuck it.

- Fuck it. - Sorry, Lizzie.

No, really, enough with this rank self-pity shit.

I mean, I was about to get a tattoo of his ass on my ass.

So really, I dodged a bullet there.

You gotta shed your skin, you know?

Yeah.

I notice that you're not dressing like Kápralová anymore.

Nope.

Yeah, I kept on being mistaken for a waitress.

But I'm a club owner, I'm like Rick from Casablanca.

I'm like... I'm like Jabba the Hutt.

Hey.

Hey.

You're Hailey Rutledge, right?

Yeah.

- Have we met? - No.

But I saw you play with the orchestra, you were great.

Thanks.

Arlen Lee.

I've been subbing over at the Chicago Philharmonic.

Probably stupid for me to fly out here for this, but

I figured it's a good experience, so...

Why is it stupid?

Well, because you fucking destroy.

Are you trying to psych me out?

No, I'm more like

psyching myself out.

Is that a Loree Royal?

Yeah. Meet Oboe Wan Kenobi.

Yeah, it's early for that shit.

Sorry.

Oboe.

That wasn't her.

I don't think so.

Number 17?

That's me.

- Break a leg. - Thanks, you too.

Hey, hey.

Hey!

Hi.

You came.

Well, it's been a long time since I had

a late night text from Constanze.

Um, could I have a sparkling water with lemon?

Still not drinking?

No.

You? You off the pills?

They don't seem to work so well anymore.

Nothing really works.

So I'm going to get an operation.

Good.

That is great news.

You know, they can do marvels nowadays.

Let's hope.

Yeah.

So, um, you and Gloria.

Is it serious?

Well, let's hope it's not terminal.

You have a unique way of bridging

the player-management divide.

Here you go, sir.

I have a question.

How good could I have been?

If I'd gone a different route?

If I'd tried to be a soloist,

instead of an orchestra member.

Well, tried wouldn't have come into it.

You could have had a wonderful career.

How good?

How good could I have been?

Well, not Yo-Yo Ma good.

But...

I'd say Andrew Walsh good.

Yes. Definitely.

You could have been the female Andrew Walsh

If you'd kept your head down and just gone for it.

Honestly, I don't know why you didn't.

I mean, I could never understand.

You know the moment I first heard you,

what was it, 20 years ago in Birmingham,

fuck me, this girl is good.

With your looks, you could have had a recording contract

any day of the week.

I just, I liked being part of an orchestra.

Yeah.

I have regrets.

But I don't regret it, not really.

Mm-hmm.

You and I?

How good could we have been?

You and I?

I mean, honestly, we were...

a wee bit of a disaster, weren't we?

Our timing was remarkably shitty.

- But... - Yeah.

There was one area where we were...

we were always in sync.

Yes.

Yeah.

Do you think about us sometimes?

When is your surgery?

In two days.

I hope it goes beautifully.

Ah, you still awake?

Yep. You're back.

I was a little concerned that you disappeared.

No, I just had a drink with Cynthia.

You know she's having surgery in the next few days?