Emil and the Detectives (Emil und die Detektive)

EMIL AND THE DETECTIVES

BASED ON A NOVEL BY ERICH KÄSTNER

AND A SCREENPLAY BY BILLIE WILDER

We have to cross there. Come on.

Wait here.

Do you know why we brought you here? No.

The Stoertebeck Secret Society admits you, Emil Tischbein, to its ranks.

You made mincemeat of two of us at the last punch-up.

We're now giving you the chance to join our gang. Do you accept?

Yes.

But you must first accomplish a task. What kind of task?

Every Stoertebeker Gang member must accomplish a task.

Only then is he admitted to the Secret Society.

Our secret archive. Here are listed all the tasks

that our members carried out. You'd be astonished

by what we've got up to.

- Death to traitors! - Death!

Revenge! Revenge! Three times revenge!

Your task: The fishermen recently caught a seal in their nets.

Fishmonger Meves bought it.

He intends to sell it to a zoo or aquarium.

He must be stopped.

We command you to liberate the seal and return it to the sea.

Are you prepared to accomplish

this task tonight? Couldn't I do it after the holidays?

It will be sold by then.

I want to go on holiday, so perhaps I could do some other task later.

He's chickening out! Coward! Mother's boy!

It just looks like that. He doesn't want to worry his mother.

But he's not always like this. He's proved that already.

Then he should prove once more he wants to join our gang.

Very well. I'll try.

Now you're in the Stoertebeker Gang. Yes! Super!

- Grab it. - Go on.

Yes, go on. Grab it!

It's impossible.

Come on, pal, just do it!

There. Put it in the cart.

There are parcels in it. No matter. You'll bring it back.

Fantastic. It'll be faster this way. Oh yes.

Go on. Close it.

Get a move on!

That's mail robbery. I was only inside ten minutes.

What's up? When did it happen? Just now.

Hurray! Hurray!

- Goodbye! - Bon voyage!

Come on. Let's get back.

- Police! - Jeschke with his dog!

We'll get him. What are you waiting for?

Let's get out of here!

Find him. Run. Find him.

We have to split up.

You that way and I'll go this.

Now, before the holidays, there's a prize for the best marks.

Emil Tischbein.

This is for your fine achievements, exemplary conduct

and leadership.

Your mother can be proud of you. Give her my regards.

Thank you.

Now have a good break. See you in 5 weeks.

- Goodbye. - Stop!

Everyone back to his seat.

My dear colleague, we have a problem. A rather grim matter.

Sit down.

Hinrichsen,

Hasenpfot,

Landahl,

Jarre,

Nevermann.

Hand back your reports.

You stay here. You others can go.

I'm sending him to Berlin now.

- He must be glad. - I'll say!

He was 6 months old when we were evacuated.

We'd just come here when I learned that my husband had died in action.

What's he going to do here in the holidays?

My sister wrote to say he should come. Her husband earns well enough.

Only I'm afraid I can't go along. I've too much to do here.

He's a big boy now and will just have to be careful.

Well, there you are.

So what's this? Your report? Isn't it good?

Good day, Mrs. Wirth. Good day.

You're a lucky one. I hear you're going to Berlin.

But Emil, this is excellent! All your marks are good!

Singing adequate. Ugh, singing!

Have you ever seen such a report! Splendid.

And what's this?

"For exemplary conduct and leadership".

He deserves to go on holiday!

Get ready. We're off to the station.

Pack your old suit. Your new one is on your bed.

And take new shoelaces.

Look sharp!

Excuse me for rushing you a bit today.

Still a little damp.

Sit a while in the sun so you don't catch a cold.

- Yes. - So.

Awash and set: 3 marks.

It's about time you bought yourself an electric hairdrier.

Two, three. There you are. Thank you.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye.

So.

Who was it that invented best suits? Why?

Tell me and I'll shoot the chap!

Other children would be glad if they had a best suit.

Everyone has some problem or other.

These are for Grandma. And get out at Zoo Station.

Gran and Ponyhütchen'll be waiting. Exactly.

Oh, and most importantly, Emil. Yes, rightly so!

So. What's that then? I'm taking it for Ponyhütchen.

Well, that's nice. Very nice.

Now take good care, Emil. Here are 140 Marks.

One 100 Mark note and two 20 Mark notes for Grandma.

I didn't send her anything lately. You can take this along personally.

And give her a kiss. Understood? Yes.

Just don't lose the money. Where are you going to put it?

There. Now it can't fall out.

Now we must get to the station.

Mrs. Tischbein, I'll carry the suitcase.

Who can that be?

Good day. Good day. Very natty!

What a pleasure!

Emil's report. All is "very good" except singing, which is "adequate".

Well now. He got this book as a prize

for exemplary conduct.

Emil! Now come along, Emil!

Good day, Emil.

Lost your tongue, have you? Good day.

Congratulations. A splendid report. Well done.

"Exemplary conduct"! You're not like those hoodlums

- in your class. - Hoodlums?

They had a hideaway in the old wreck on the docks.

They tried to steal the post-cart.

You can go to prison for that. Attempted mail robbery.

We found stolen goods in their hideaway.

The lads even kept a record of all their infamous deeds.

Those rascals also painted the nose on the mayor's monument red.

I never! - And the best of all is. You know Knut Hinrichsen, don't you?

He said he'd been robbed on the way back from the bank.

Not a word of it was true. Nobody robbed him.

He was fooling the police all along.

The lads spent the cash at the cinema and the shooting match.

And they were stupid enough to write down every detail.

And now? I wouldn't want to be in their shoes.

Emil, you don't seem to be excited about Berlin. - I am, I am.

We must get to the station.

I'll accompany you, if you don't mind. Really? That's kind.

Let me take that.

You're not going to let Mr. Jeschke carry your suitcase, are you?

And send a postcard straight away!

You to me too. Behave yourself,

or people will think we don't know what manners are.

- Exactly. - Bon voyage!

Come back safe and sound. Above all, don't lose the money.

Everyone aboard. Give my regards to Aunt Martha,

Uncle, Grandma and Ponyhütchen.

The boy's a funny one. Doesn't seem glad at all.

It's the first time he's left me.

No. He has something against me. Have you told him we are to marry?

Not yet. I can't. He still talks about his father.

Well, he'll have to know sometime.

I thought, when he comes back.

Excuse me. Is this seat free? Of course. As you can see.

Here, give me that, my boy.

Thank you.

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A FISHERMAN

Very kind of you, young chap.

Not at all.

Such polite children are rare today.

You could take a page out of his book, Elfriede.

You have school holidays? Yes. I wish I were so lucky!

What class are you in? Fourth year.

I see. How does one divide a fraction?

One multiplies it by its inverse value.

What are 7 times 17? - 119.

9 times 37?

333.

Name the Danube's German tributaries.

The Iller, Lech, Isar and Inn flow into the Danube.

As do the Altmühl, Naab and Regen.

Good boy. Sit down.

Where will your great voyage lead? To Berlin.

I'd like to go there again too.

And you're going there all alone, to enjoy yourself?

No. I also must attend to some business.

- I see. - What a city that is!

It's made a fine job of itself!

Berliners are building houses nowadays with 100 storeys.

You need a month to walk to the top. Lifts are quicker and have a kitchen

so one doesn't starve on the way.

What nonsense!

If someone needs to go quickly from one district to another,

the post office packs him up, shoves him into a tube

and shoots him to the post office he wants to reach.

Don't talk such nonsense! How can one tell children such tales!

Shame on you. Sit down! That is progressive Berlin.

If one has no money, one can deposit one's brain at the bank

in exchange for 1000 Marks. A man can live only 2 days without a brain,

but he has to pay 1200 Marks to get it back.

Your brain's at the bank too, I see.