GameFace

How about we do something tomorrow? Nice. I could show you my bowling alley.

I'd get the boys to bundle them in the back of the van!

The fucker! All right, Dad? Come here, you! What's going on?

I don't like it. Why?

Cos I always thought we'd have kids.

Oh, hello.

Did the man with dog dicks for fingers chase you again?

What?

That dream you had. Man with dog dicks for fingers.

It wasn't dogs dicks, plural.

He had nine normal fingers.

He had just a dog dick for a thumb.

So what are you doing in my bed, mate?

I, uh...

What?

Is there someone in your bed? Did you shag Jon?

Shhh!

It's not Jon.

It's not that fucker who keeps coming round to watch Friends, is it?

Oh, my God, you are right. Your vagina is a monster.

Oi, mate! Proud Mary!

Jon's a driving instructor, you little punk!

Stop it!

It's Simon.

The fuck?

I know.

Fuck!

I know.

Oh, fuck. I know.

Jesus Christ, Marce. I mean, fuck.

Stop saying fuck.

I've got so many questions.

I mean...

How was it?

It was so weird.

It didn't even feel like us.

He had new moves.

Well, yeah, he probably got them from his wife.

Yeah, I figured that.

Honestly, you don't have to try and make me feel like shit.

I've got this, I'm all over this. Sorry. Sorry.

What were his new moves?

Is that OK? Figure of eight.

Oh, God, that's bleak.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh... Another flashback? Just tell me, come on.

Did you pretend you had new moves?

No. You did! No.

Come on. No. Tell me what you did.

What did you do?

I slapped his balls.

It's all I could think of, I just fucking slapped the shit out of his balls.

Marce?

I'm going to go.

Yeah.

So, listen... I, um...

We just... That wasn't meant to happen.

Obviously, we just got very drunk, so...

We weren't that drunk.

I-I'm not eating carbs so maybe that was...

Mate, I was clearly drunk. We had pizza.

Did I eat it?

Yeah.

Right, I need to leave.

I'll call you later. Don't call me, Simon.

What are you talking about? OK, all right.

Morning, morning!

Seriously...

Dad, why did you bring us back here last night?

Saving your life, Billy William, is what I'm doing.

Now, Lucy, I offered to drop you back, didn't I?

I've no beef with you.

Listen, Dad, I really appreciate the gesture but I'm fine.

Is that right? Hand to God, Dad,

I'm clean. Luce, tell him.

Tell him I'm clean. No, cos you're not fucking clean, are you, Bill?

Just as I fucking thought!

You have been fucking sniffing that stuff again

and lying to my fucking face! Aren't you?

What are you doing? What, are you just going to...

Ow! Keep us here and throw sausages at us? Ha-ha-ha!

Yeah, maybe I will.

Maybe I'll fucking cook up a dozen packs of sausages a day

and throw them at your fucking thick skull until you stop being a junkie!

Huh?! You want that?

Cos I'll fucking give it to you,...

Oh, whoa!.sausage boy!

OK, enough! Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm the one who's getting hit with sausages here.

Sorry about this, Lucy,

but what it is...

I'm having an intervention with my son.

No, Michael, you're just throwing sausages.

You want an intervention, let's have an intervention.

Here.

What?

Great, I'll...

I'll just arrange my own intervention then.

See, you fucking...

Gainsbourg takes the le...

It's time to find out what Michael and Kat

think of property number three.

This four bedroom family home has bags of character...

Hello? Hey, you ready?

Who is this?

It's Jon.

It also comes with a small...

Hey, Jon, uh, give it one sec.

Hey, mate, um, will you give me like, uh,

t-ten minutes to get ready? I'll be down, I'll be ten minutes.

Yeah, OK.

You're doing a little joke, aren't you? You didn't really forget?

No, no, yeah, I was just doing a little joke

just a little call-back to... I'm forgetting and stuff...

I won't be long, I won't be long.

OK, yep.

room comes complete with its own

en suite and glorious views of the Kentish coast.

I feel fucking awful. Does this look all right?

You look good. Thoroughly decent. Yeah?

You'd never know you were slapping a married man's balls all night.

Very funny. You're a bad person.

Sorry.

You look really nice.

You OK?

Yeah, um, I'm, uh...

I have a bit of a headache. I I-like your car, though.

Let's ride!

You're nobody till somebody loves you

You're nobody...

Boom!

Got a strike.

Mm.

That's good.

Well done.

Yeah.

Um...

So... So, um, er... What was I...er...

W-what kind of music are you into?

Really?

What? It just seems like kind of a-an odd question to ask.

It does, sorry, I'm being really shit today.

Oh, no, you're not being shit. It's just I'm...

Nessun dorma...

What are you doing, mate? You asked me what type of music I was into.

Yes?

Ma il mio mistero e chiuso in me

II nome mio nessun sapra

No, no, sulla tua bocca

Lo diro

Quando la lu...

Right.

Let's, erm...

Let's get onto destination number two.

Maybe perk you up a bit.

Destination two? That was amazing!

Thank you.

An intervention? Today?

Yep, at his mum's house.

He's sorting out his own intervention?

Mate, their family is insane.

His dad just chucked sausages at him.

Where's Marce? Oh, boy.

Today is not great.

She slept with Simon last night.

Fuck. Right?

Fuck! Yeah.

Simon might be at the intervention.

Oh, fuck.

OK...

That one's you.

Oh, OK.

Which one...looks like, uh, you...

She. That's me. She definitely looks like me.

Look, she shares my essence. Look at her swag! No, no, no.

She's better looking than you.

I mean, don't get me wrong...

You're not bad. Um...

Ah, fuck!

Sorry, I was just being silly.

Oh, no. That was...

That was really funny.

I don't think the alpaca's hotter than you.

I can't believe I even had to say that.

Out loud.

Should we... Listen, I could just take you home.

What? No, I-I'm actually having a really nice day.

Yeah, you're not though. You're acting really weird. It's...

No, I think I'm just a bit, um, er...

I've just been a bit nervous, I just...

Do you know what?

Let's go for a drink.

It's a little bit early for me, but...

It'd be fun, though. And I'll be relaxed more, maybe.

OK.

Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, I won't take you here again.

I mean...

Sit down, girls.

Where's Billy? He's upstairs.

I told him to stay there until we were ready.