The Scorpion King

We have killed Babylonians!

We have killed Mesopotamians!

We have killed Assyrians,

Mycenaeans, Sumerians.

But

we have never had the pleasure

of killing

an Akkadian.

Which limb do I take first?

May the gods have pity on you

because my brother will not.

Boo.

You missed.

You're lucky we have the same mother.

Before the time of the pyramids

a fearsome horde came from the East

and swept across the barren lands of the ancient world.

By the law of the horde

their greatest warrior was proclaimed their king.

His name was Memnon.

He was the greatest swordsman the world had ever seen.

With the predictions of a sorcerer

who could foretell the outcome of every battle,

Memnon slaughtered all who resisted him

Until only a brave few remained.

Silence!

My father has called for silence!

Hold your tongues!

We are gathered in this place to put our differences aside.

There is still time for us, the last of the free tribes,

to stand together against this tyrant.

With his sorcerer at his side, no mortal can defeat Memnon.

And if the sorcerer were to die, what then?

It's too late for your schemes, Pheron.

I have raided Memnon's caravans,

broken the supply lines to his troops,

but he still swept across the land like a plague.

I will not send my people to their deaths in a battle that can't be won.

And what people would that be, Balthazar?

You are the ruler of nothing

but a pile of rocks and sand.

If I'm no king,

Why are you on your knees before me?

Balthazar! Guards!

Akkadians. I thought they were wiped out long ago.

They are the last of their kind.

By their hand, the sorcerer will die.

You put your faith in a clan of cutthroats who kill for money?

They are more than that. They are skilled assassins

trained for generations in the deadly arts.

And what price do these mercenaries ask from us, Father?

Twenty blood rubies.

That's the last of our treasury.

Be quiet.

If these men kill the sorcerer, will you fight?

So be it.

As long as one of us still breathes

the sorcerer will die.

Assassin!

Him, we'll kill for free.

We can reach Memnon's encampment by nightfall.

When are you gonna get rid of that filthy beast?

He doesn't mean anything by it.

Horses are faster.

But camels are smarter.

That one's mine.

Live free.

Die well.

Stop. Stop. Listen to me. I am a high priest of Set.

Spare me, and I shall bless thee in five different languages.

You'll scream in five different languages.

Horse thief. Wait! Wait!

Hey! I'm not that heavy.

Look out for the fat one! He's behind you!

Help me! Help me! Whoever you are, help me!

Oh, thank you. Thank you, good sir.

Quiet.

Surely you've heard of the enormous reward for my safe return.

The sorcerer's tent.

Back!

Make way! Find the other one!

You've been betrayed, Mathayus.

You know my name?

And why you're here.

He's in the tent!

You! Move around back!

A living, breathing Akkadian. This is a rare pleasure.

I hear you train yourselves to bear great pain.

You must teach me this, if you live long enough.

Not looking so full of yourself, are you now, assassin?

You betrayed your own father?

Yes. He was very shocked.

You could tell by the look on his face.

By my father's head, I pledge my allegiance.

You have proven your loyalty, Takmet.

This one still lives.

Beautiful.

Bring him to me.

Mathayus.

Mathayus.

Live free.

Die well, my brother.

So,

how shall this one die?

He shall not die tonight. Really?

We shall see.

Nor shall he die by your hand

or any hand you command.

You have seen this in a vision?

To ignore this would bring great misfortune.

The gods show him favor on this night.

Just the gods?

A puzzle then.

How to kill you without using my hand or any hand I command?

Fascinating, isn't it?

The smoke, it causes the fire ants to abandon their homes, you see?

All the sooner to feast on our naked heads.

You think this is funny? It's a little bit funny. Yes.

You see, I am about to escape

while you are about to die a horrible death for leaving me to die last night.

So what are you waiting for? You see that one up there?

He's been drinking that yak piss for about an hour now and sometime very soon...

You see?

Hey! Where's the horse thief?

All right. Come on. Get me outta here.

Do you promise not to kill me?

Yes, I promise.

Remember, you are an Akkadian.

You make an oath, you always have to keep it, right?

That's right.

Promise to take me with you and share in the spoils of your adventures.

What? All right. Fine. Yes, I promise.

All right. Now hold still.

Oh, here's one. That's a big one!

My! Here comes the mother.

So, where are we going?

To Memnon's kingdom to avenge my brother's death.

Never touch the bow. Not a problem.

Who are you calling? My ride.

It's a nice camel.

Not much room back here. Scoot up, please.

Hey! We had a deal!

That's right. And I haven't killed you yet.

What news from my sorceress today?

What news?

Your armies will conquer in the West.

Queen Isis's forces will scatter to the four winds.

Give the generals the news.

Have them make their armies ready for the final campaign.

Yes, my lord.

You think I'm cruel, don't you?

Perhaps you've forgotten what it's like outside these walls.

Heartless, ignorant and savage.

But I can change that.

I will bring order after centuries of chaos.

An order which will last for a thousand years.

Rivers of blood can never bring peace.

But they can bring obedience. That will suffice for now.

And when I have become the king of legend,

then you shall take your place beside me

on a throne and in my bed.

But, my lord,

in your bed I would lose my gift of sight

and you would lose your advantage in battle.

The day I speak of

is the day I no longer need your vision.

Gomorrah.

Let me tell you,

after a hard day of looting and pillaging, there is no greater city than Gomorrah.

Except maybe Sodom.

I wish I could join you.

You're not going?

Believe me, I'd like to even the score with a few of those Red Guards myself.

But with the price I've got on my head, I'd never make it through those gates.

I have faith in you, my friend. You'll get us in.

You see? They've got the city sealed up tighter than a crab's buttocks.

I wish there was something I could do to help, but...

Oh, but there is.

What business do you have here?